My Animal, My Soulmate, My Dumb Ass
by xoxoTeamEdwardxoxo
Summary: Kim is artistic, sarcastic and ready to leave her podunk town. Enter her long time crush who suddenly gets it through his thick skull that she is special and let the sparks fly. Oh yes there will be bad language and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**AN Don't own twilight or any of Stephanie's characters although if I could start a nudest colony with all the boys I would be on that like white on rice.**

**New Story that i seriously had to write hope everyone enjoys it :)**

**Also special thanks to JacobLover1994 and ChloeHeartless x that both did an amazing job Betaing this :)**

Chapter 1 Dumb ass

Kim Point of View

High school is seriously the silliest thing on the planet.

I am a senior this year, just so ready for this shit to be done with. Sitting in the commons area at one of the round benches, looking at the simple high school clichés and laughing internally at them for not realizing that they are exactly the stereotype people assume teenagers are.

There are the ridiculous cliques, jocks throwing a ball around while the cheerleaders look on with mixed emotions of worship and distaste. While the Gothic kids sat on the opposite side, all in black and nodding while drinking their Starbucks that I know they had to either make at home or put in the paper logo cups or drive an hour and a half to Port Angeles for. Then you have the band geeks practicing their songs and the Mathletes doing their homework; furiously scribbling to see who can finish first.

I watch the petty gossip girls who were, at this moment probably deciding which of their best _frenemies_ were going to get either a mysterious STD or a baby next.

Moreover, my personal favourite, the _on again off again_ relationships. Boys sitting talking to _'the loves of their lives'_ while some of the girls are crying because their renewed on again relationship was off for at least the fifth time.

Now you may think I'm a cynical bitch and you might right, but honestly don't they see the sheer stupidity? To be 'a literal cliché and not care was just unbelievable. I looked at my watch and chuckled to myself.  
In T minus 30 seconds, our _big bad men_ on campus are going to walk in through the main entrance doors and a collective sigh will rise from the female population, as they strut through the commons like models giving their all on the runway.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...

One and there they are, Jared Hall and Paul Barnow. Smiling at all the pretty, shallow, popular girls and giving fist bumps to their _'homies_'. Cue the sigh, nicely done ladies, perfect timing as usual. Now they will sit down in the middle of the area and bask in the pathetic awe and be worshiped for the gods this school thinks they are. I laughed silently and began sketching a new idea for a piece into my sketchpad for my best friend, Rachel's birthday present.

I know I have been ragging on my peer's lack of imagination, but I sadly fall into the pool of a love struck teenage girl when it comes to Jared Hall.I had been in seriously deep like with him since second grade when he complemented my Play Dough penguin, but as we grew we ended up on opposite sides of the high school spectrum. Me, Kimberly Lea Richards; the sarcastic, semi-bitchy artist and of course the popular, horn dog BMOC Jared Andrew Hall.  
Luckily, I could contain myself well enough to not appear as if I was in love with the boy. It also helped that as of right this moment he had slutty girls hanging off his tip like he was Jesus... or Tyler Connolly. (What can I say I love Theory of a Deadman.)

Lizzie and Melody my two school friends and lesbians extraordinaire came to my table and looked at the piece I was drawing.

"Wow, Kimster, I'm diggin' the flow of it. Very primal. I like the almost animalistic twist of it, is it Rach's birthday gift?" Lizzie asked as she studied my sketch with a tilted head her rainbow dyed hair fell into her grey eyes.

"Yep, I was thinking about R.R and decided to do it in red, with some orange, black and yellow highlights, what do you think?" I replied as I studied the drawing it did not look too bad for being a rough draft, if I do say so myself.

"Very cool. Rachel Rage is something to be terrified of, I get it," Melody said with a nod of appreciation as her blonde curls bounced insynchronisation. I nodded; glad they had confirmed my feelings on it. I would start the piece as soon as I got home and into my glasshouse.

The first bell rang and I got up to go to my locker on the second floor. La Push High was three stories high that had been built on a very tiny piece of land, forcing the school to go up rather than out.  
I waved goodbye to the girls and started up the steps.

Dropping my messenger bag on the floor, I put in my homework from the day before and grabbed the books for my English class. English was my third favourite class, right after Sculpture and Art Appreciation, which I loved only on the basis of the curriculum content. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Shakespeare, I'll be the first to admit but I do sit next to Jared which makes it my third favourite. Sad but true.

I got to class, sitting down on to my seat and extracting my copy of Julius Caesar and my notebook from my bag,and began to doodle a bouquet of Stargazer Lilies with my pink gel pen making them seem to sway in a tropical breeze.

I heard the desk next to me, scoot back which caused me to automatically look over and to see Jared plopping into the chair. He nodded his head at me then laid his head down on his arms on top of the desk which was odd because usually he would flirt with Bethany Sawyer; who was shooting him 'flirtatious' glances which really just made her look like a constipated deer, who had a slice of bark stuck in her eye.

Paul, Jared's slightly scary and mostly bad ass minion took his place in front of him looking a bit sick and began to make a fist and then released it, then repeated the cycle over and over again as if it was a compulsion. I threw one last look at Jared and noticed he was turning green around the gills, which made him only slightly less attractive. Every day I gave myself; two glances at him that were strictly unnecessary per Rachel's advice to keep my sad little teenage girl crush a secret.

Mr. Beatie walked in with a pile of paperwork, setting on his desk before asking the class to settle down when the bell rang a minute later. He began his boring diatribe about something I wasn't paying attention to butthen suddenly stopped, which was oddenough for him to make me look up from my growing garden of lilies and frangipanis.

"Yes, Mr. Hall?" He asked in his grating voice. Why he would become a teacher when he obviously disliked students was beyond me.

"Can I go to the nurse's office?" Jared asked in a husky whisper.

Beatie nodded his head and gave him _and Paul_ passes to leave the class, because apparently they were both feeling shitty, then continuedon with his completely uninteresting lecture, until the bell rang, giving us the days homework. I made my way to my sculpting class anticipating the excitement of getting lost in the clay.

As the school bell rang announcing another end to a mostly dull day, I happily left the school grounds and began walking home. My family is one of the richest, who live on the reservation because a few years ago, my mom won the lottery. No joke, she literally won the lottery and after dealing with thetaxes she had about 10 million dollars left over , which was pretty awesome because last year she decided to let me go to Italy to learn about glass work and then built me my own glass house to encourage my passion. My mom is an amazing woman.

I looked at my sketchpad the entire way home, planning my moves in my head to giveit life.

I got to my house and ran upstairs to put on my jeans and tank top and then I ran back outside the need to start my piece buzzing through my veins like a natural high.

As I worked the glass, I zoned out, doing everything to make the glass come alive. Blowing when necessary, turning the pipe constantly until I came out of my art induced haze and had the finished piece on the end of my pipe. Knocking it off my punti and placing it into the annealer for it to slowly cool, I removed my gloves and walked into the house, seeing that it was past eight and dinner was sure to be ready.

Mom was standing at the stove putting finishing touches on the sauce she was making when she saw me and smiled.

"How is my beautiful baby girl today? Did you make something amazing, sweetie?" She asked as she continued to stir the pot with a wooden spoon. I don't know how she said that beautiful bit without laughing her ass off since I was in ratty jeans, and a tank top that was clinging to me from the sweat thanks to my furnace and the low ventilation I had to work in, so the glass wouldn't cool too quickly.

"I'm fine, Mama, how are you?" Ok, so I totally change when I am with my mom. The woman is understanding and loving which honestly makes it hard to be overly sarcastic. I mean she won the lottery and instead of just lounging around the house, she started a restaurant on the rez and has a display case there full of my work, and after a eight hour day she comes home with a smile on her face and makes dinner.

"Oh good, your aunt called today, apparently your cousin is pregnant again with a different man's baby and is worried that her boyfriend is going to find out and leave her again like he did the first time," she replied nonchalantly like it happened every day. I laughed, God my cousin Candy is such a skank, and my aunt Lisa literally can't see past her crooked up nose to see what a total disaster her kid is. If ever there was a Maury and Jerry Springer hibrid show they would be the first and best on it.

"That's good mom. So is Benjamin coming over today?" I asked with a waggle of my eyebrows.

Ben is practically my mom's boyfriend. I say _practically_ because they are literally in love but won't admit it to each other. Ben is mom's accountant and has been coming over to our house for years now and they still haven't taken the lunge to get together. It's cute in _a gross old- people- in- love_ way.

Mom blushed (see adorable) and nodded her head. She pushed her straight chocolate hair behind her ear and whipped her hands on her frilly pink apron.

I gave her petite 5'3'' frame a hug practically engulfing her with my own 5'8'' and smiled at her. She patted my cheek and turned my body towards the doorway turning back to her stove top. I smiled even bigger and then went up the stairs to change and shower.

It had been mom and me since I was five because my dad left us for his secretary; who was preggo with his bastard. He now lives in Texas and has given Colleen three more kids. It's retarded, he often tries to borrow money from Mom to pay for his kids, whom I have met a few times and they make snide comments about divorce to me. Also everytime I'm there Colleen tries to make me call her Mommy which even thinking about makes me gag and bile raise from my throat into my mouth.

Climbing into my personal shower, I lathered up my sticky skin with my sweet pea body wash and felt the tension in my shoulders from working ease from me, leaving a soothing calm on the outside that matched my insides, after I got art from my head into my hands I always felt an overwhelming sense of pride and peace.

After washing and conditioning my hair, I stepped out of the shower and moved into my room taking the towel from my body and wrapping my hair in it as I looked in the closet for an outfit to wear. Sliding on the torn jeans and Peace is the bomb t-shirt, I checked the mirror and tilted my head observing myself.

I had wavy ebony hair that went down to the top of my rib cage. A body firmed from the heat and weight of working on my glass and my stylish semi-emo looking glasses which were black with blue edges. My eyes were a deep brown and my lips were full. Nevertheless, I had large hips and large breasts that I couldn't seem to tone down anymore than they were. Shrugging, I headed down to the dining room, catching Mom and Ben giving each other love sick puppy dog looks.

I chuckled silently to myself and took my seat, kitty corner to them. Waiting for the love fest to end and to be acknowledged, I leaned back in my seat and watched them smile at one another. I wish I could just get them to stop the bashful bit and get together. Something to discuss with Rach later.

"How's kicks, Ben?" I said in an amused tone.

Ben is a tall man who is actually rather handsome. He has blue eyes and black hair that constantly seems to be falling into his eyes. He was built like a weight lifter, which is weird considering his job. And he was so obviously in love with Mom that it made my teeth ache with the sweetness of it. When I was, ten Ben had actually come to my school for parent day because mom couldn't get the time off. He was amazing and the closest thing to a father that I could ever remember having.

Ben disengaged his eyes from my mom as she blushed and smiled at me, "Hey Kimmy-Cobra, I'm fine kicks are giggles," He replied with our usual greeting. It's weird,but I have known the man since I was eight, so yeah.

We all ate together, laughing and chatting amicably, when the phone rang. I excused myself to go answer it and leave the love birds alone for a glass of wine.

"Yellow submarine?" I answered after looking at the caller id.

"What is going on Kimtastic?" Rachel replied.

Rachel Black had been my best friend since I was six and she was eight. We had bonded after she had kicked a boy's ass (Paul Barnow), when he made me cry in the playground. She was two years older than me and went to college in Seattle, which I made trips to nearly every weekend just to see her. We were more sisters than friends. After her mom had passed away, she, her sister. who lives in Hawaii now, and their little brother, Jacobwould come over to my house for some motherly love and mom couldn't have been happier to smother them in it.

"Not much chickadee, just finished your birthday present," I sang into the receiver. I heard an excited shriek on the other end that made me pull the phone from my ear.

Rach was my biggest fan when it came to my glass-work and had even gotten me to sell some of my pieces at an art gallery. She was also the one who had really talked mom into sending me to Europe to learn the skills that I needed. Her dorm room had pieces of my art everywhere; I loved the girl to death.

"Yay! Are you coming up that weekend then?" She said excitedly and I could practically see her bouncing up and down. Rach was the best kind of friend to have. She dealt with my craziness and told me the truth, no matter how hard. She cried when I cried, got angry on my behalf and still could make me laugh until I had a stitch in my side.

"You bet bitch, I wouldn't miss it for the world," I replied happily, a huge smile in my voice and on my face. We talked for an hour, about our respective days and told jokes to one another, I told her about Mom and Ben and she agreed that we would come up with a top secret plan to get them together, which she dubbed _The Old People Love Mission or OPLM_ (I laughed at that bit).

After I hung up, I went to my room and climbed into bed, turning on my iPod, letting Mr. Connolly lull me and going to sleep seeing Jared's face, as I closed my eyes and sighed in contentment.

I arrived at school the next day and heard a rumour about one girl who was pregnant and was probably going to give her kid genital warts. Yay for high school. I looked at my watch and waited for Jared and Paul to saunter through the front door**, **as I did every day for the past three years, but today that had changed.

They didn't.

It had been two weeks and three days since I had seen Jared and that shit was unacceptable, because since I was constantly in a state of depression; all of my artwork followed suit. Yesterday, I made a piece so disheartening that it would probably make the person who bought it slit their wrists and that shit wasn't kosher because I was not Van Gogh and if I chopped my ear off in sadness I was gonna be pissed.

Lizzie and Melody had noticed my funky mood and just chalked it up to an artistic tantrum and were ignoring it, which was good because they had no idea about my slight obsession with one sexy Native American who was probably dead somewhere getting necrophilia raped by a crack head. Why was no one else panicking about that highly probable situation?  
Sulking at my table, doodling skeletons, which were oddly attractive as far as a pile of bones, go, I heard a hush and then an explosion of conversation start up. I raised my head to see what disturbed the student population and felt my jaw drop.

Guess the _necrophiliac crack head _theory wasn't correct after all.

Jared and Paul were back and they were fucking huge! Like seriously they each had to be 6'6'' respectively and had more muscle then a Mr. Universe competition. Damn... just damn. And both of their heads had been shaved, which I rather liked. I mean I liked long haired Jared but I also like the new Jared. There was a slight air of menace surrounding him as he strode in.

I stared wide-eyed as they started up the stairs with their heads down not saying anything to their groupies, which was odd enough in itself.

"If I didn't love VA jay jay so much, I would ride that until the cows came home," Lizzie whispered. Melody gave her a faux hurt look then burst out laughing and nodding her head muttering VA jay jay and idiot under her breath.

I laughed at their silliness and turned to a new page in my notebook drawing decorative stars and hearts, my depression was over.

I walked into class, a smile on my face (which is sad since the boy barely acknowledges me) and sat down at my desk, deciding that I could up my Jared glances to five today since he had been gone for so long. I mean I give myself two a class, per Rachel's wise advice and he had been gone for like 20 glances! He was honestly getting off easily.

He and Paul walked in, heads still down. Hmm, they looked sad and somewhat pissed, probably about the whispering they had incited.

They each took their seats and then Beatie walked in, silencing the class as he does every single time, with his patronising _shh-_ing and the condescending patting of thin air as if he were patting a dog.

"Alright, everyone... POPQUIZ!" The man is an idiot - who the hell, gets excited about a pop quiz? Dork.

I heard a murmured shit beside me and mentally shrugged it off, as Beatie began writing the questions on the board telling us to pull out writing utensils and paper.

"PST, hey can I borrow a piece of paper?" I heard whispered beside me.

I looked up and saw Jared digging through his backpack. I was assuming he asked me so, I tore off a sheet from my notebook and tapped his arm with it.

"Thank..." He trailed off as he looked into my eyes and stared dumb-founded at me. His eyes took on a weird glazed over look and his face split into a heart-warming smile, which to be honest was freaking me out.

"Your paper?" I asked, poking him with a corner.

He just smiled at me as if I had said the most amazing thing and took the paper almost reverently. Odd.

"Mr. Hall, could you kindly stop staring at Miss Richards and answer the questions on the board?" I heard being asked from the front of the room, but Jared continued to look at me and I felt a blush rise on my cheeks. I wanted to look away but it was like a magnetic force was keeping my eyes locked with his.

I sighed softly. The cynical part in me was rolling her eyes, the romantic part of me was on the floor in a puddle of love and my ovaries wanted me to hop on his lap and lick his neck. To say I was confused was putting it lightly.

"MR. HALL, MISS RICHARDS WOULD YOU DESIST!"

I shook myself out of...whatever that was and looked around hazily. I heard a small whimper- but I think that may have come from my throat, what the shit was that? I looked at Beatie's balding ass, as he looked at Jared.

"What is the matter, Mr. Hall?" He asked in a condescending voice, (come to think of it- it was more like his normal voice)**.**

"Nothing," Jared's voice was husky and delicious making my ovaries again tell me to jump him, the sluts.

"Then would you tell me why you were staring at Miss Richards?"

"Because she is magnificent." Ok that made me turn my head towards him. I noticed Paul had turned around in his seat and was looking between Jared and me with a humoured and bewildered look, and the classroom had gone dead silent. I saw Paul's lips move in a low whisper and then Jared nodding with another face-splitting grin as he looked at me again, with something a kin to, I don't know, devotion, awe, worship in his eyes.

"What's your name?" Jared asked me. That threw cold water on me quickly. Was the boy for real? We have been in the same school since kindergarten! And it's not as if this school is so big that he could reasonably not know. Frowning at him, I again turned toward the board and started answering the pop quiz questions. I was alone in my endeavour. Everyone else in the class was looking at me and/or Jared, with odd looks.

_Whatever I have gotten weirder looks before_ I told myself even as I felt myself flush again.

I finished the quiz and then walked up to Beatie's desk and put it in his Finished basket then took my seat again, ignoring the humongous ignoramus sitting beside me.

Tapping my pencil, I played Bad Reputation in my head and then began drawing a new piece, as people began to slowly return to the front of the room and do the test.

"Mr. Hall if you continue to stare I will move you." I looked up to see Jared whip his head to the front and furiously scribble down on my sheet of paper.

Dumb ass.

The bell rang and I jumped up from my chair and started to walk briskly out of the room, desperate to return to normality.

"Hold up!"

I turned my head to see if someone was talking to me and saw Jared barrelling down the hallway towards me like a bat out of hell.

This is going to be a shitty day.

**All right lovelies time to click that little button and tell me what you think! Oh and question, does anything make you act like art does for Kim?**

**Reviews make updates faster**

**Love Mel**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N Hola Breeches! Obviously I do not own Twilight or really anything other then like 700 books but whatever :) **

**The always amazing Scottish Beta extraordinaire JacobLover1994 who is now LeahMeraz on Fanfiction. Thanks heaps and bounds Leah!**

**Oh and millions of thanks to everyone who reviewed you make me smile.**

**Chapter 2: Word Vomit and Drunken Nights**

**KPOV**

As I turned around, I saw Jared making his way towards me. As he came running, he pushed a poor little freshman out of his way. It was almost like the running of the bulls the way people were leaping out of the way, flying through the air like pins knocked out by a bowling ball. What is the boy on?

"Um, Yes?" I asked, hearing the confusion in my own voice.

"You never told me your name," he said with an adorable grin that I just wanted to kiss off his face, and then his words soaked in. Jesus is this guy for real?

"Well, I have been in the same school and lived on the same rez as you for my entire life, so why don't you figure it out." I answered bitchily. I mean come on douche bag, use that thing you call a brain.

He looked disappointed and even a touch ashamed but I ignored the twinge of sadness that the look brought to me and turned around to face the opposite direction. _His emotions will not affect me _I told myself, even as a little part of my heart told me to give him a hug, and maybe a pity fuck, which honestly wouldn't be too horrible I suppose I could just... No stop Kimberly.

"Why don't you just tell me?" He smirked, apparently having regained his confidence. Um, because you hot idiot, you are crushing my girly fantasies.

"No I don't think I will. If you wanna know that bad, then you'll figure it out." And with that I sailed away giving myself a mental pat on the back for being so smooth, yeah I got it like that. Go Kim my cynical girl cheered while my romantic girl sobbed and my ovaries told me to stop being so proud and just take him behind the bleachers. I really need to give my split personalities names I think. I pondered this as I made my way to the Art hallway.

I got to my sculpture class and took my seat next to Melody at our table and began tapping my pen on my lip as I considered names.

She looked at me oddly, or at least I thought it was me until I noticed that she was looking over my shoulder, "You aren't in this class, are you?" she asked whoever it was that was behind me.

I turned in my seat to see the one and only sexilicious Jared smiling confidently at me. He then looked at Mel and said, "What is her name?" as he nudged his head in my direction.

My jaw literally dropped at his audacity. I think I may have to drop kick his ass, and I know how to, Mom and I took a self defense class in Port Angeles. I know my kung fu.

"Hm, oh that's Kim Richards, why?" she replied. I sent Mel a hurt look letting her know of her betrayal, mentally screaming at her for being a shitty school buddy.

Jared smiled and whispered my name quietly, his tone oozing honey and lust as it melted over the consonants and vowels making me shiver lightly at the sound. My ovaries panted in excitement at the prospect of him using that mouth to lick their very best friend, Cleo Clit. God my ovaries were making me into a slut...although how can you be a slut and a virgin? Well I guess those girls who give blow jobs to anyone and have anal sex all the time so that they could still be 'virgins' would count but I mean really the only person who has touched Cleo was myself and... Oh no I just named my clit and am talking about her like she is a real person. I have issues. Next thing you'll know, I will be running around public places naked with slogans painted on my body like that European guy at the soccer games.

He looked at me for a moment, his eyes darkening slightly and I blushed hoping to God I did not say Cleo out loud, then he tore his gaze away to give Mel a thanks and continued on his way out the door.

"Melody Foster! Why in the world would you have answered him?" I exclaimed as soon as the door closed behind him.

"Well… Because he asked," she stated as if I were the dumbest chick ever to hit the face of the planet. I may be the weirdest but NOT the dumbest. That is Bethany Sawyer... the whore.

"Well I didn't want him to know Mel! He shouldn't have gotten off so easily and should have had to at least work for it. Maybe asked the school's principal. Or Jake because then he would have kicked his ass," Rach had left Jake in charge of kicking anyone's ass for me. It was sweet that she thought I needed her little brother who I completely loved in an adorable I-used-to-paint-your-nails-hot-pink-when-you-were-asleep-way.

"Well, how was I suppose to know that, crazy person? The boy asked and I answered so there," Melody answered with a haughty air.

Mel's right- this is douche bag's fault, that he didn't know my name not hers for answering. I began pummeling my clay as I pretended it was Jared's perfectly chiseled jaw.

Mel watched me beat the shit out of my clay until I slowly puttered off giving a last few punches and glanced up at her shocked and morbidly curious expression, "What?" I asked slightly belligerently.

"Um, what did he do that deserved Rachel Rage?" she asked hesitantly as if she was afraid I would turn my clay ass kicking skills out on her face.

"Mel, he has been living in the same town, population 372, as me since I was born, I know that because I know his god damn birth date. We were in the same class kindergarten through fourth grade and have shared at _least _one class since we got to middle school. _I _know that he likes cherry coke more than any other kind, that he thinks Invader Zim is the best cartoon ever created _and _that his favorite pizza is pineapple, banana peppers and bacon bits. And given all, that the over indulged, over sexed cretin can't fucking remember my name? What kind of planet do we live in that that type of fucker-y is allowed?" as I finished my tirade I was panting heavily, I could feel the angry color in my cheeks along and had fisted my hands in the clay so tightly that it was coming through between my fingers and covering my white knuckles that were slightly aching.

"Right, just to make sure I have this all, you have a slight obsession with the boy but the sad girly fantasy you have been building in your head since you were a child have been severely battered because he didn't know your name which is completely ridiculous considering this small ass silly place we live in?" Mel summarized quiet eloquently if I was going to be honest.

I nodded happily at her understanding and she busted into loud and rather unattractive guffaws that included snorting, until she was clutching her side bent over in her seat, and the whole class was staring at our table. Is there some kind of conspiracy I don't know of that says _Kim needs to be the main attraction today?_

Honestly it is a good thing we don't have school tomorrow because I would scream if I had to do this shit again.

Ignoring the insane person sitting across from me I started sculpting an anatomically correct heart that I was going to smash in her face, but after finishing it I decided to send it to the kiln, it was fantastic.

The bell rang and Melody and I had stayed after to clean off my table since there were bits of clay flung over the entire surface from my earlier freak out. It was cool though since we were both teacher's assistants for Mr. Colvin the best history teacher on the planet. He had told us that the way to figure out any problems in history was to follow the rich white guy, I had yet to see something that didn't coincide with that statement.

I was still in a funk so Mel looked over at me as I was bending over the counter and leaned towards me saying in a deep voice reminiscent of Casanova, "If we were both squirrels would you let me bust a nut in your hole?"

And just like that my mood had improved. Still bent over the desk I looked up at her flirtatiously and said, " I know I'm not a library book but I can tell your checking me out."

There is just something about cheesy pick up lines that soothes the tortured soul. My lean over the desk turned provocative as Lizzie walked in to pick up Mel and walk her to her locker before we met in Colvin's class, looking at Liz I said in a voice dripping with sex, " Do you like my belt buckle?"

Lizzie looked at me like I was insane and said, "Your not wearing a belt," At the same time that Melody simpered (for real the girl simpered), "Yes."

I looked at Mel since she was playing along and said, "You know it would look even better pressed against your forehead." I shook my hips a little and humped the table when I heard a choked gasp. Straightening quickly I spun around to see Jared looking like he was having a heart attack. What the fuck?

Raising my eyebrow a la the Rock I said, "Can I help you?"

I think I heard him murmur _in more ways than one _but I couldn't be sure since he cleared his throat and asked me if I would talk to him on the way to my locker.

I shrugged, picking up my bag and swinging it over my shoulder and agreed then walked out of the room after smacking Mel's ass with the rag I had been wiping with. I heard Lizzie mutter something about 'breeders'.

Jared followed after me like a happy toddler who had been told that if he behaved well he would get a new toy. I shrugged off his very odd behavior and started walking through the crowd towards my locker feeling a bit conspicuous as people looked at Jared and I out of the corner of their eyes obviously trying to figure out why the giant hottie was walking with the arty girl.

I felt like I was stuck in a wind tunnel, the air being sucked from my body as I waited for him to speak. As we arrived at my locker he just stared at me as if he was trying to memorize every part of my being.

I honestly tried to keep my mouth closed, knowing that the minute my lips parted what would fall out as it did whenever I was uncomfortable. I think a shrink would call it a convoluted defense mechanism.

And then they did, and what came forth was an unbelievably spectacular show of word vomit, that I can almost guarantee I will remember on my death bed.

"Have you seen The Hangover? I love that movie the guys are just so awesome. Rach says I remind her of Alan sometimes because, I often do stupid shit and say things I should probably not if I took a couple minutes to think. Like one time I asked her if she was ready to let the dogs out and then sang the song just like Alan does in the movie and then Rach was all, "Did you get dropped on your head as a baby," and I was like, "No what's got your panties in a twist? I really hate that word, panties, it sounds like something teenage boys say but then the word underwear sounds like something your great great grandma wears. Which is why I call them like I see them. You know, cheekies, bikini cut, thong, boy shorts, then I know what I am talking about and I don't sound like a hypocrite, which I really hate, hypocrites I mean, I also really dislike British humor shows because I honestly don't get the dry humor. But I do love their accents so I could listen to them talk all day. Does that make me a hypocrite maybe I should look up the definition of hypocrisy later."

As this spewed forth from my mouth I tried to rein myself in and make the car crash that was this conversation stop but it got away from me even as I told myself to stop and not say the word _like_ again. As if I was a valley girl but it just kept coming and at the end Jared looked at me with a face full of perplexed... awe maybe, across his perfect features.

With a flushed face I slammed my locker closed and waved at him like an ignoramus before tossing a toddle loo over my shoulder. Literally I said toddle loo, and then booked my ass out of there like I was Justin Bieber and sad obsessed preteens were on my tail.

Hi, my name's Kim and I am a chronic word vomit-holic.

Cursing my unbelievable brain I fell into a desk in Colvin's class and prayed that a giant chasm would open from below me and suck me into it.

"Richards what is your problem?" Colvin asked me. He is my favorite teacher because of his insane sarcasm which makes him seem dickish but really he is cool.

"Oh you know just attacking unsuspecting victims with my idiotic ramblings, making lewd comments to my favorite pair of lesbians in front of my crush and finding out that I am actually not as cucumber like cool as I thought I was in high pressure situations," I replied without lifting my head from my desk making my voice sound garbled and even more pathetic.

"The usual then?" See what I mean-coolest dicky teacher ever.

Mel came in, looked at me, shook her head and then grabbed a stack of freshman tests to correct. Right follow her lead and pretend that my face is not currently red as a baboon's ass and go about business as usual.

I managed to avoid Jared for the rest of the day and sprinted home, once again thanking god for inventing teacher's workshops, I ran to my room and started packing my duffel bag for my trip to see Rachel. I stuffed in a club outfit and my fake I.D then went into my closet and grabbed a white cardboard box and gingerly put Rachel's birthday gift in it and some ripped up colored paper.

After wrapping it in cheesy Happy Birthday paper I wrote a quick note to Mom telling her I had already left then packed everything into my vintage VW Bug that I had painted like Herby and set off on the four hour drive to Seattle.

As I screamed along to Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman, I drove past the city limits of La Push and heard a wolf howl in the background.

I pulled up to Rachel's apartment complex, got my things out of the trunk then rang the bell for her apartment.

"Who is it?" Rachel's voice crackled over the intercom.

"It's Willy Wonka, want to suck on my ever-lasting gob stopper?" I replied snickering quietly to myself at my own quick wit.

"Kimillion! I'm coming down right now," Rach replied in a high squeaky voice she got when she was excited.

I shook my head, wondering why she couldn't just buzz me in, but shrugged my shoulder and chalked it up to the complexity that was my best friend.

The door opened and there was Rach. I set my bag and the present down on the floor and opened my arms just in time to catch my best friend.

Her long chocolate brown hair had red highlights making it look like mahogany, her light brown eyes reminded me of coffee with cream and sugar. Rachel was about three inches shorter than me and actually quite petite which really was a complete contradiction to her personality. Rachel was kind of like a Chihuahua, small body but thinking that it is a big dog and takes on Great Danes. She was wearing skinny jeans and a pair of black cowgirl boots and in a pure Rachel move her tank top made me laugh.

"Rachel Marie Black what is wrong with you?" I asked after I set her back down on the floor as I looked at her shirt that read "If I Had Balls They Would Be Bigger Than Yours" and was black with hot pink writing.

She looked down to her chest and looked back at me with a smirk, "It's true babe, I am the ballsy-est person with or without balls on the Western Hemisphere."

I shook my head in mock disappointment as we picked up my things and walked to the elevator to ride it to Rachel's apartment on the tenth floor and said, "Isn't that college education teaching you anything? There is no such word as ballsy-est in the English language."

Rachel looked at me and simply raised her eyebrows clearly stating her complete lack of caring of her butchering of our language. I had to smile and restrain myself from hugging her again because of how much I had missed my tough as nails bad ass best friend.

We got to her apartment and sat my belongings beside the couch and flopped down on it beside each other and just enjoyed being with each other again.

"So are you going to tell me what has your usually smart ass so down today?" Rachel asked me as she looked at her fingernails.

"Well, you see I was drawing hot skeletons..."

"And then I ran away as quick as my long legs could take me and avoided him all day." I finished the story and Rachel just looked at me as if I was a giraffe who had just stood upon two legs and started a conga line.

I knew that what I had done was completely psycho style word assault but seeing the conformation on my best friend's face was almost too much to deal with, which is why my face went to lady bug red in three seconds.

"Don't say anything right now Rachy, I'll let you just absorb that and let's get ready and go to the club and get really drunk and then come back here and just chill ok?" I said with a face I'm sure that shown the pleading that was present in my voice.

She nodded mutely, shook her head and then lead me to her bathroom, where I changed into the shirt I had brought specifically for the club and a pair of skinny jeans with a black lace-like design on the side. The shirt was from Victoria's Secret and had a lace like front that made my boobs look amazing with a flowing silk waist. I called it my black sex on heels shirt. I paired it with my candy red heels and my red semi-trench like coat, a pair of hoop earrings, gave myself smokey eyes with red lips, put my wavy hair into a high pony and left some trendals to frame my face.

Rachel walked in as I was moving one stubborn piece away from my eye and wolf whistled with her fingers in her mouth (which I have always wished I could do) and we left the apartment together after grabbing our fake .

We grabbed a cab since neither of us planned on being sober and pulled up to a club Rachel had heard about at her university.

We walked into the club as Usher's Yeah blasted over head and walked towards the bar, and to discussed our drink choices.

"I want something that tastes good and will fuck me up the quickest, I need to forget my idiocy...like two hours ago," I yelled to Rachel.

"Oh I got it," she said as she turned to the bartender and yelled, "Hi, can I get two screaming orgasms with the bartender?"

I couldn't help the blush that covered my face as the bartender winked at the two of us and made our drinks. I mean Tiffany, as her name tag read, was pretty but I don't sway that way no matter how hard Mel and Lizzie have tried to convince me it is the way to go.

Swaying my hips to the beat I sipped my drink and discovering how awesome it was, I took a huge gulp and felt the alcohol warm my throat and stomach.

Rach stood beside me and looked at the dance floor, "Chug your drink girly we are going to dance."

I looked over at her, saw the stubborn expression on her face and did as she said, put a finger up motioned to the bartender ordered two shots of tequila, chugged them and then pulled Rachel to the floor.

When the alcohol hit me I literally felt all my inhibitions melt away and danced with Rachel until the club closed and then we grabbed a cab and stumbled up to her room.

"Rach let's doing something," I slurred. My brain, the part that was retaining herself asked me theoretically why people who are fucked up, always seem to want to embarrass themselves more by bringing sober people who will remember clearly what happened into the equation?

My drunken brain told the sober part to shut the fuck up and get with the program of fun-ness.

"We could call Jake-aroo!"

That honestly sounded like the best freaking idea I had ever heard at that moment, I nodded enthusiastically, and started to dance around and spin which led to me ending up on my ass, which made us laugh hysterically.

"Hey Jaaaaaaaky," Rachel slurred into the phone.

"Put him on speaker! Put him on speaker!" I cheered.

I heard the beep and then, "-achel are you fucking drunk!"

"We both are Jakey!" I yelled enthusiastically.

"KIM? What the hell are you drunk for?" Jake yelled then I heard him murmuring to someone in the background.

"Well Jakey, you see I needed to not think about my retarded-ness and guess what Jakey, it is totally working! Rach look at me isn't it working?"

"Totally, you smart sexy girl. You should be a librarian with your hottiness!"

What is totally scary is that that response actually made sense to me.

"Kim, Rachel I want you to eat some bread and drink some coffee right now."

That was the dumbest suggestion I had ever heard. So I told Jake so. I heard him speak quietly to someone and then the hottest voice ever said, "Kimberly get sober now and go to bed."

"Oh my god, Rachel that is Jared's voice," I whispered loudly. She looked at me semi-nervously and semi-amused, which made me giggle.

"We should invite those guys over who gave us their numbers Kimmy-Cobra, they might not yell at us."

I heard a growl come over the phone and then, "I will come over there right now if you don't go to sleep now."

So we went to sleep.

**There we are the next chapter, I hope you enjoyed it. So the word vomit thing ever happen to you? It has to me, god knows.**

**Oh and what do you think of a Jared Point of View?**

**It's my birthday lovelies leave a review, best gift for me **

**XOXO Mel :o)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Who do voo doo? Not me, oh and i also don't own Twilight o well.**

**LeahMeraz is me beta magician who puts up with me and my love of her homeland poor girl.**

**Ok I love all of you who review!**

**On With the show...**

Chapter 3:FML

KPOV

For those people out there in the world smart enough to control themselves while drinking, I would like to say I spit on your intelligence. I woke up with a mouth full of dead skunk flavored cotton and eyes so painful that I considered going into the kitchen, finding a spoon and prying them from my skull, but then decided that wouldn't be so smart given that the evil sun would be even closer to my brain. And on top of that they felt crusty and gross because I had fallen asleep with my contacts in. I hurt, I hurt bad and I wanted my mommy, a hug, coffee and then to die...in that order.

I stumbled into the bathroom, poked my eyes three times before getting the cursed contacts out of my eyes, put on my glasses, took care of my bladder, grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen and then made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of shitty but God- send instant coffee.

I doctored up my cup with cream and sugar and then remembering it was Rachel's birthday, made one for her and left it beside her bed with a glass of water and two of the pills.

I sat back down on the chair I had occupied before, sipping my coffee while I looked out Rachel's window at the bustling street of productive citizens.

Show-offs.

Rachel's home phone rang on the counter beside me and I heard a loud painful groan that echoed mine come from Rachel's room. I whisper- yelled that I had it and answered the phone quietly, "Hello Rachel's house."

"KIMBERLY WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LAST NIGHT?" Jacob yelled at me through the phone and I moaned loudly at the pain that speared through my brain.

"Jake, I'm sorry but I really don't remember too much from last night, could you refresh my memory of how you know what happened?" I spoke so softly I was surprised he could hear me.

"Oh, not only do I know but so do Sam Uley, Embry, Quil, Paul and Jared because you two morons called me last night drunk off your ever loving asses," Jake replied in a tone barely concealing his anger. I groaned again from the knowledge that a bunch of people including the imaginary ones of my life knew that I had been, a stupid teenager last night. However, there was no way in hell that I was going to get scolded by a _kid _who I had given 'noogies' to as a child...and last year.

"Watch that tone Jacob Ephraim Black or I will tell everyone I know that you used to cry whenever you saw a picture of Freddie Kruger, and go into great detail on the time I chased you with the VHS cover of A Nightmare on Elm Street in Blockbuster." There that ought to simmer him down.

"You wouldn't," Jacob scoffed with false bravado.

"Want to bet? Would you bet your life on that Jacob?"

I heard silence and with the knowledge that I had won I sat back in the chair and let him tell me things I already knew. It was stupid, it was irresponsible, we could have been hurt, we could have been attacked, we should have acted our ages (which I found funny because we were) and my favorite, what if some _Hillside Strangler wannabe_ had decided that he wanted to chop our heads off and molest out corpses. I made appropriate sounds of apology and horror and with a final favor to tell Rach a Happy Birthday, Jake hung up the phone and I went back to starring at the people making their way to wherever they were bound.

Rach hunched her way into the kitchen, taking a seat beside me at the table and rested her head on the table with a thud and muffled _oww_.

"Happy Birthday, Star shine." I semi-sang/croaked.

Rachel muttered a _thank_ _you_ into her arms and then asked me pleadingly to get her a glass of orange juice. I nodded and went to the fridge.

"So Rachel, want to open your present now or later?"

"Later, much much later when I can feel my toes again."

I chuckled at that and sat her glass in front of her, which earned me a worshipful look and then loud glugging noises.

"Who was on the phone?" Rachel kind of hissed that question, which I understood considering that she had been waken into a hell of a hangover head ache if she was feeling anything like I was.

"It was Jake, apparently we drunk dialed him last night and he felt it was his obligation to inform me of how our asinine choices could have turned out."

"Stupido, like he has never gotten drunk? Puh-lease," she replied with a sour look on her face which made me chuckle.

We made our way into the living room and watched a marathon of Project Runway on low volume until our headaches faded away, in between which Rachel answered Happy Birthday calls.

The phone rang again and after watching Santino impersinate Tim Gunn I got the not so brilliant idea to answer the phone that way.

"Hello? One moment please," I answered in a horrifyingly good Tim Gunn voice before the caller could say anything I looked at Rachel and winked.

"Rachel, Kim, you are never going to be my girlfriends if you don't make it work. Rachel scoot down a little more so that Kim can, there you go Kim give it to her good, mmm that's the way darling. Make her scream Kimmy. Yesss, look at her face she is loving it, such a good little slut aren't you Kimmy." I said in my Tim voice as Rachel literally rolled on the floor cluching her sides in silent hysterics.

I Tim Gunn cleared my voice and said, "Yes, sorry about that how may I help you?"

I heard like five different growls come through the phone and then Jake's voice came over the growls, "I am going to murder whoever you are."

I looked at Rachel and mouthed to her that it was Jake as I put the phone on speaker. She took the initiative and moaned in a loud voice that could make a porn star blush, "OOOOOO Kimmy, yes right there. Ugh is this good Tim can you see everything?"

At that I bent over in silent laughter, until I regained control of myself and replied in a slightly huskier Tim voice, "That's good girls, make her work for it Kimberly. Smack her ass for me Rachel."

Rachel smacked her own butt and then I moaned in my own porn star-licious voice.

"I am going to pull your intestines out of your fucking nose pervert!"

I heard approving grunt and then decided to finish with a bang and as Tim said, "Sir, I'm afraid that I am in a bit of a situation right now but if you could call back later, I'll see if I can give the girls some free time to converse with you." Then Rachel and I moaned together.

"You stay the fuck away from KIM!" I heard a new voice say. A new voice that sounded suspiciously like...no no no it isn't.

"Who is this, if I may inquire," I asked as Tim hoping I was wrong.

"This is Jared Hall and I will be the last fucking thing you ever see asshole."

I looked at Rach in shock and she just boomed laughter that she could no longer control.

"Why the fuck are you with Jacob?" I shouted with my real voice.

"Kim, get both of you away from that freak right now," Jared said in a pleading voice.

"Oh my god. JACOB why is he there?" I screamed.

"Kim now is not the time, run a way." Jake replied in an anxious voice.

"No one is here stupid that was me. Jacob Black why didn't you tell me you are all of a sudden bff with him," I admit there was a slight whine in my voice, and ok so Jake had told me that Jared was there last night but come on. A girl should be able to prank her semi little brother without worrying about bull shit like this right?

"What do you mean it was you?" Jacob snarled.

I looked at Rachel in a slight panic, I had only heard that voice once and Jake had been uber scary when he had done it. I slid down the wall so that I was sitting on the floor close to Rachel.

"Umm, well you see, it's like this, we were umm just watching a show and I decided to answer the phone like that and it turned out to be you so we kept it going but it was funny from our end...and you should be happy that I am making your sister's birthday so obviously fuck-awesome as she is still rolling on the floor clutching her sides and panting... and by that I mean in a completely non sexual way because we do not feel like that for each other and the time we kissed was a dare so that doesn't count either. Or the time we were drunk because when Katy Perry comes on a drunk girl hears it you have to kiss a girl because you don't want to be left out, also we weren't doing it for male attention so that makes it not skanky." SHUT UP WORD VOMIT.

I heard Jared and Jacob murmur together something that sounded suspiciously like yeah she does that all the time.

"Kim that was completely inappropriate," Jake said in a tone that made him sound so much like his father Billy that Rachel and I sat up a little straighter.

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled.

I heard Embry shout in the background, "And super hot," and then there was a loud bang and a muffled oww.

"Jakey my favorite little guy, you know we only do this to make you smile after you are done being all Big Bad Wolf like," I said in a planned little-girl-aren't-I-so-innocent-I-thought-you-would-like-microwaved-pancake-batter-Mommy voice that I know for a fact Jake can't stay mad at.

Jake sighed heavily into the phone and Rachel gave me a high five.

"Did you two just high five?"

"No!" we answered together too quickly.

Jacob chuckled and gave a sigh that clearly said we were his cross to bear.

Before he could get all preachy on us I quickly and cleverly changed the subject, "So Jakey what color are your boxers?"

I heard Jake laugh and another growl which I didn't really understand and then Jake just sighed again.

"Why are you calling us midget we were about to break out the vibrators," Rach said in a faux serious voice.

Someone moaned and then Jake told us that he was just calling to say Happy Birthday since he was sure I would forget which I took grave exception to, even though I think I may have forgotten but that was beside the point. So I made a loud gasping noise to get my point across.

"Well thank you very much, don't forget to call the twin ok? Ok, bye!" Rachel said quickly and then stood up and walked toward her room.

"Trying to get rid of me so quickly girls?" Jake asked.

"Whatever if you want to listen to us masturbate then stay on you incestuous pervert," I replied.

"Kimmy don't say stuff like that -I still have you on speaker."

"It's not my fault now then is it? I can't help what comes out of my mouth," I said through my blush.

"Or goes in it," Rachel yelled from her bedroom.

"Yep you know me consistent whore, well actually slut since I don't except money only sparkly things," I yelled back at her.

"That still counts, hoochie!" Rachel replied as her voice got nearer.

"Are they always like that?" I heard an unidentified voice ask.

Jake, Embry and Quil all said yes at the same time.

I just shrugged because I was self-aware enough to admit the truth to myself.

Rachel walked in with a vibrator and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"Jake you should probably get off the phone now."

"No, I don't think I will Rachel, this way I know you guys aren't getting into any trouble."

'Oh really well, Kimster, lay back and let Mama Rach get to work on your sexy ass."

How she said that with a straight face considering the messy pony, glasses and sweats I was rocking I will never know.

"Rachel don't you dare be perverted right now when people can hear you," Jake said sternly. Oh no, Rachel was going to do it for sure now.

She smiled an evil smile and turned on the vibrator on full power and put it close to the receiver so that Jake could hear it... and so could Jake's friends...including Jared.

Rach mouthed _moan _to me and I shook my head. She glared at me until I gave a silent sigh and moaned loudly feeling stupid and embarrassed. I mean freaking Jake out was one thing but knowing that my crush was listening after I had heaped piles full of crazy on him was just no fun.

"Rachel, Kim knock it off."

Rachel sent me another glare and I crossed my arms before moaning her name.

"I'm not hanging up just because you two are immature idiots."

I wanted to scream at Jake that now he was making this a fucking battle of the wills and that was about the dumbest thing you could do with Rachel.

She cocked her eyebrow silently asking me if I was believing the tool that was Jacob. Yeah, this is going to get awkward for me.

"You like that baby?" Rachel asked in a husky voice.

HANG UP JACOB!

He didn't so I replied with, " OH Rachel ugh right there, yes that's the spot. MMM. Fuck me good."

"You two are children."

Rachel started bouncing up and down on the couch making it squeak in protest, "What do you want Kimmy?"

Jesus Christ, I literally want to die. Oh and if you are asking yourself why I am going along with it, then you obviously don't have a Rachel in your life.

"Yeees! Right there Rachy that's how I want it, fuck me harder?" I asked it as a question because to be totally honest I had no idea what she wanted me to say right there.

"I still have you on speaker you freaks."

Rachel raised her eyebrow at me, apparently telling me to go for the big guns. It is kind of scary that I know what the big guns are in this situation but c'est la vie.

"MMM-HMM in my ass Rach, give it to me good!" I screamed this so loudly that I am sure Rachel's neighbors now think she is a lesbian.

I heard a whispered, "Whoa," from someone on the other line and then Jake's disgusted, "Perverts."

The dial tone came through the phone and Rach waved her vibrator around like a gun and then blew the end of it like she was in a western.

"You do realize that Jared just heard all of that don't you?"

"Yep," she popped.

"If you weren't my best friend, I would hate you."

The next day after Rachel had opened her gift, I had to say goodbye, where we both got a little teary-eyed, which we do every time. And then I climbed into Herby and gave a final wave out of my window as I drove away.

I plugged in my iPod and made my way to the highway listening to my Halestorm playlist.

In the middle of Taste of Poison my phone rang so I pulled over to the shoulder to answer the phone. Yep that's right I can be responsible and after driver's ed and all those dead teen videos I won't risk a conversation for my life... not even with the Pope...although I'm not Catholic.

I answered the phone and Jake said hi.

"Hey sugar bear, are you still mentally scarred?"

"I have been mentally scarred since I met you Kimmy," he answered and I chuckled at that truth.

"So what's up?" I asked as I watched a car pull up behind me and a man get out and start walking towards my car.

"Well, I was wondering if me a few guys could come over for some of your mom's food?" He asked quietly. Jacob was actually really close to my mom, since he didn't remember his mom really at all and my mom treated him like the baby boy she never had. It was actually really awesome.

"It's fine with me Jake, just ask mom, hang on one sec," I said as I rolled down the window and told the good Samaritan that nothing was wrong, that I was just taking a call and gave him a thank you.

"Seriously why are there always guys around you?" Jake asked exasperatetedly.

"That guy was like sixty and was just asking if I was having car troubles, loser. Anyway, ask mom even though I am sure she will be only too happy to see her Baby Jake."

I could almost hear his blush through the phone as he muttered that she had already said yes.

I smiled and told him I would see him later and drove the rest of the way to La Push.

I pulled up with I Get Off blaring through my speakers and noticed some huge...trees or something in my driveway, I put my car in park and hopped out with the music still playing as I threw myself at Jake.

"Hey sugar bear! Long time no sex." I don't know why I get such almost sadistic pleasure out of embarrassing Jake but I really do.

"Honestly Kimmy-Cobra, there is something wrong with you," Jake sighed as he ducked his head to hide his blush and tugged at my pony tail.

"Where did all your hair go? And what is wrong with your height?" I could have sworn that Jake was not towering over me last time we had hung out.

"Umm, well you know I eat my vegetables?" He asked.

I Get Off was still playing and I saw Embry next to Jake so I jumped at him next, " Hey you sexy man beast! Did you enjoy Rachel and I phone sex? Oh by the way you owe us ten dollars... a piece."

Embry chuckled and shook his head at me and passed me to Quil, who was also huge. What happened to my boys?

"Quil, sweetie when did you get soooo buff? Makes my heart all flutter like," I simpered in a horrible Southern Belle voice.

"Always been like this Kimillion you just didn't notice."

I laughed and then heard Herby shut off, thinking Jake did it I spun around to yell at him for touching my baby, and saw none other than Jared...at my house...that my mom was going to be serving dinner to...at my house.

_**FML.**_

**Oh, yeah we have some funny stuff coming next chapter lovelies, it is already written so how about some fantastic reviews?**

**Anyone have a friend like Rachel? Review and i will tell you who she's based on if you want to know...maybe a story too? )**

**XOXO Mel :o)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer-My name is Melissa not Stephanie so obviously I don't own characters that I am writing about.**

**The always amazing LeahMeraz beta'd the shit out of this and many kisses to the reviewers, I only keep posting for you.**

**KPOV**

As I looked into his eyes, I felt bile raise in my throat as memories of what he had heard when I was at Rachel's house. Why was he here? He should be... I don't know riding a motorcycle.

Riding a motorcycle? Oh my god even my brain is losing itself. I looked down at myself and noticed that I was wearing ratty jeans and a my tank that read 'I Got A Nice Rack' and pool balls on it. And to top off the 'sexy look' I had my hair in a messy bun and had decided to wear my glasses. Oh yeah quickly ladies lock your men away. Ok game plan pretend that he did not hear you fake orgaming, and didn't hear you drunk, oh and didn't hear you speak as a dirty Tim Gunn. Can my face get any redder?

"Umm, hello Jared," I said nervously as I stood a good two yards from him. He was so not getting a hug even though Cleo and her twin sisters were quite angry at that, and were sending my brain more... appealing visuals involving less clothing. Whores.

His eyes got all soft as I said his name and he murmured a hello to me in a unfairly sexy voice.

He held out his hand that had my keys dangling from it and I carefully took them, making sure I avoided his unbelievably smooth skin. Jesus I sound like Buffalo Bill. Ignore yourself Kimberly. Mentally avoiding my Silence of the lambs thoughts (I mean would it be too horrible if I put him down a hole and made him lotion up?) I turned to the other boys, sending Jacob an accusing look, and directed the guys towards the door.

I walked in and smelled Mom's homemade pizza and heard a choir of rumbling stomachs from behind me which caused me to giggle as I said, "Mama, I'm home."

Mom came from the kitchen rubbing the flour on to a towel that matched her cherry printed apron and smiled at me as she squealed, "Baby! Did you have fun with Rachel? Did you behave?" The last comment earned a snort of disbelief from behind me as she wrapped her arms around me and I put my head against her shoulder. There is something about a mothers hug that is just perfect so I was able to restrain myself from knocking some heads together.

"Oh you know we did the same old same old, kicked an old lady, robbed a bank and then adopted a puppy the usual."

Mom chuckled as she realized that Jacob the fake prodigal son was behind me, so she squealed and wrapped him in an impressive bear hug considering that he towered over _me_.

"Hello, Karen, how have you been?" Jacob said in a warm voice he saved for my mother and puppies. Mom was the kind of woman who gave off a maternal vibe and considered anyone under the age of 30 to be from her womb. And Jake was her favorite from that category.

"Oh, I have been just wonderful Jakey and you brought friends," she said as she released Jake and stared up at the towering figures surrounding him.

"Oh Karen, this is Embry and Quil, whom you have met, and this is Jared Hall a friend from school."

Embry and Quil responded with, "Hi, Mrs. K" which they had been calling her since the first time they met her and after giving each a hug she turned toward Jared who held a hand out. That made me chuckle because my mom was not a shaker she was a hugger all the way.

She waved of his hand and wrapped him in a hug that was the same as Jake's and after stepping back from a perplexed looking Jared she said, "Jared Hall, now why does that ring a bell?"

Oh I don't know Mama maybe because I told you in elementary that I was going to marry one Mr. Jared Hall? Quick Kim, distract and divert her attention!

"Mom! I got drunk with Rachel!" That is what you come up with retard? Let's tell her about the few times you have smoked weed while we are at it yeah?

To give mom credit her gasp could have blown the house down and then she started laughing, "Fake I.D Kimberly, or did someone buy it for you?"

"Well let's say if I just so happened to have a fake I.D would I have it confiscated, hypothetically of course?" Smooth she'll never guess. I mentally smacked my forehead.

She laughed some more and then shook her head, "Ah the good old days. I wish I still got carded."

"You don't look a day over 20," Jacob said a look of pure innocence on his face. Ass kisser.

"The tip of your nose is brown Jacob." I muttered loud enough for him to hear.

"Well, darling, I figure I have two options, I can ground you, take your I.D and not let you visit Rachel for two months, or we can pretend you will never do it again after giving me a promise to always be safe when you do do it," she smirked.

I wish everyone in the world had a mom like mine.

"I chose the second and I promise." I put on my best innocent eyes that always made her smile and roll her eyes, which she did and then she smacked my butt as she walked back into the kitchen to finish her pizzas.

"It is so not fair that she gave birth to you," Jake said as he walked into the den like he owned the place. Loser.

"Please, don't hate the player hate the game." I plopped next to Jake on my personal recliner that I had semi forced mom into buying, but it was black with paint-like splats all over it and pulled out the remote putting on Entertainment Tonight.

"Nooooo, Kim put on something good."

"I will not be watching sports Jacob Black, because my team isn't playing right now so you can just kiss my ass." I said as I saw a picture of some D list celebrity get trashed by Bruno on Dancing with the Stars, ha ha. I don't actually watch that show but I feel like if I ever did I would like that Bruno guy.

I got lost in the silly celebrity gossip and said to no one how Kristen Stewart's teeth were too big as a commercial came on I looked up and everyone was staring at me. Jared I noticed looked at me with an amused fondness. What is wrong with him?

"What?"

"You do realize you just went on a tangent about some girl's teeth right?" Jake asked, laughter evident in his voice.

Change the subject, "I think I need a dog." Could something normal ever come from my mouth?

"Why is that?" Quil asked with a chuckle and a weird side glance at Jared who was blushing for some weird reason.

"Well, my house is too quiet and I am not really a cat person so, I figure a dog would be awesome."

"Like a Pomeranian or Chihuahua?" Embry asked looking actually interested in this fucking weird conversation.

"No not an ankle biter, like a giant dog. Maybe a Great Dane, or maybe a Wolf Dog," I have actually given this some thought so those were not random choices.

"Why those Kimillion?" Quil asked.

Ugh, I wish they would just let this drop. But now all of them looked interested if their body language was anything to go by.

"Well, maybe a Great Dane because I like how gigantic and sweet they are, or maybe a Wolf Dog because they are really protective and totally bad ass, they are the closest thing you can get to a wolf, genetically speaking without you know actually having a wolf, they are a wolf hybrid plus they are super cute." Alright maybe we can drop this subject now.

They all pondered this, and then Mom called for us from the dining room to tell us dinner was ready. I quickly stood up to run away from the awkwardness that was my babbling about of all things dog, but all the boys had... I don't know teleported to the dining room and were already loading up their plates with pizza.

Jared looked up from his towering plate, noticed me, quickly stood up and then pulled out the chair beside him and gestured me towards it. Being the highly sophisticated woman that I am, I stared at him with my mouth hanging open like a goldfish...sexy.

Mom came up behind me and pushed me towards Jared with a little pinch on my back and I awkwardly stumbled to the chair he was still holding.

I sat down blushing as red as Rudolph's nose and then looked at my plate as he sat back down beside me, his elbow brushing my arm as he reached for another slice... which somehow added even more heat to my face. Fantastic.

"Jacob, how has school been," Mom began.

I started mentally chanting to her _ignore Jared, ignore Jared, ignore Jared._

I was not surprised however that after the generic answer Jake gave her, her eyes had Jared in their sights and stayed there.

"Mr. Hall, what grade are you in?" And let the interrogation begin.

"I'm in Kim's grade," No, no, no Jared use my name as little as possible. Why couldn't he just say he was a senior? I could literally see her brain spinning with I don't know white gowns and floral arrangements.

"Really, _Kim's _grade you say," she sent me a glance full of mom laced innuendo, the one that read, I think this boy has future in law possibilities, let me get the skinny on him, "a senior then. How do you do in school?" Yep that's right mom give it to him good.

Now internally I'm making snide jokes on the outside I am picking at my favorite type of pizza (pineapple, bacon bits and banana peppers weird but delicious) while going between glaring at my mom and glaring at the table top, wishing a freak tornado would scoop me up and whisk me away to Oz.

"They are alright Ms. Richards, I really like English," Jared said with a side glance at me. I only saw this out of my peripheral vision since I had found a most interesting knot on the table, it reminded me of George Washington.

"Hmm, English is that right? Do you have any hobbies or interests?" _Shut up Mom! Shut up Mom! Shut up Mom! Shut up Mom! Shut up Mom!_

"I like hanging out with my friends, dogs and reading." _Stop answering her Jared! Stop answering her Jared! Stop answering her Jared! Stop answering her Jared! Stop answering her Jared!_

"What do you like to read?" Please just let me be swept away to Oz, or maybe I could get into a car crash on the way home, I could even be in a coma and this might just be a freaky dream due to the side effects of the car crash! Turn towards me Jared and kiss me, show me that this is only a dream.

"Oh lots of things, mostly nonfiction but also some paranormal stuff and I have read all of Stephen King's books," Ok- they are not going to stop and if I am in a coma I need a better imagination...which I know I don't so this is obviously not fake. Evasive maneuver Kim.

"Embry, did you hear about that girl who is pregnant and is probably going to give her kid genital warts?" I said a bit hysterically.

The table looked at me collectively and almost every face told me to quickly get to the nearest Looney bin and stay there for a nice 'visit'.

Jared just smiled at me and whispered something that sounded suspiciously like _adorable_.

"Kimberly, I have taught you better then to spread hateful and rather disgusting rumors," Mom gave me a reproving look.

Ok, quick on your feet Kimberly something non rumor like... aha, "Did you know that there are only 18 different animals in the Animal cookie zoo?" there we go, let us build a dialogue from that.

"You are so weird," Mom and Jake said together at the same time that Jared said, "Isn't it weird that they all taste the same? I refuse to believe that a giraffe tasted the same as a lion in the real world."

I smiled, "I hate that too! You know Rachel won't eat an animal cracker if it doesn't have a head because she says that part tastes the best?"

"Really? I only like the frosted ones with the sprinkles."

"Those are my favorite but I only eat the pink ones."

"That's so weird, I only eat the white ones."

We smiled at each other and then someone coughed bringing us out of our Animal Cracker world.

"You _both_ are freaks," Quil said. I stuck my tongue out at him. Jared gave him an intimidating smile that bared all his gloriously white teeth.

"Your just jealous because you only have opinions on a woman's tits." I said snootily.

"Kimberly Lea Richards watch your tongue at the table," when she uses my full name I often resort to the five year old living inside me so I stuck my tongue out and crossed my eyes to look at it. I know unbelievably juvenile, but oh well.

The boys snorted at me and mom just rolled her eyes at my antics as I pulled it back in my mouth and gave her a cheese-tastic grin.

"Kim" she sighed exasperatedly and just went around the table asking everyone questions. Victory Kim! We were no longer focused on Jared _booya_.

Jared looked at me from the corner of his eyes and smiled at me, sending giddy squealing preteen girls running through my veins. I sat back and let the conversation go to something completely uninteresting and safe.

"Kimmy any new ideas yet for your work?" Mom asked me as the boys finished decimating the fifth and final pizza. Honestly it was a good thing Mom cooked for an army.

"Well for some reason this like hot pink has been twining with an aquamarine and then there are just sparks of a pretty green and a bit of a charcoal gray but like really dark charcoal gray that are just swirling together in my head. And the shape is really fluid but almost... innocent looking? I think that's the right word but it has an underlining of sensuality. At least that is how it looks in my head," I said feeling the excitement for the new piece I had been thinking about when I was driving home and Innocence came on by Halestorm.

"That sounds wonderful Kimmy," mom said with a proud smile.

I honestly was half listening to her as the piece came in front of my brain and the anxiety to get it made swam through my veins.

"Mom, guys I need to leave, umm see you guys later," I said in a daze as I got up and started towards my glass house.

"She just gets like that, you get used to it," I heard Jake tell someone behind me through my artistic daze.

I got to the glass house and started working in a frenzy, trying to bring it from my brain to the end of the pipe to ease my feeling which were getting better as it took shape and I added the right colors.

I heard the door open behind me, "Close that door and don't let the draft come in," I snapped at whoever had the audacity to disturb my work and then immediately forgot about the disturbance and kept going with the motions until I had the completed piece on the end of my pummel and knocked it off. I stood back and admired it. It was exactly what I wanted it to be. It completely captured the emotions I was going for. Innocence, confusion, sexuality and most of all eagerness for what was to come.

I put it away and then cracked my back and stretched my arms above my head before turning around and seeing Jared standing there looking at me in admiration.

"Umm, hey sorry for snapping at you before," I felt so embarrassed that he had seen me working and that I had been rude to him for no reason.

"That was amazing Kim," his husky voice coated me like honey, warm, sweet and comforting, which made me blush of course.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Kim, do you think we could hang out sometime?"

Shock. That is what I felt, straight up just shock and awe. He just blew my mind to be honest. So I did the only thing I could do.

"I'd like that."

As the night progressed, Jared and I grew more and more comfortable in each others presence. We were so busy chatting, watching TV and even getting out of view of the others by taking him on a tour of the house, that at least I began t feel unbelievably comfortable around him,

So comfortable in fact that I showed him mountains of my work. He never passed any judgment but watched me with a gaze that was... well I can't think of a word but it made me feel like I was the only person on the planet with him... and I kind of loved it.

**Hello Sexy people reading this story :) Question of the chap any funny t shirt sayings that you can ****think of?**

**Oh and let's review yeah? Because the more reviews the faster the next chapter which is already written;)**

**XOXO Mel :o)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Guess what I bought the rights for Twilight from Stephanie! Oh wait no that never happened. MERDE (yay for French Swear words!)**

**My Beta Leah is on holiday so this is unbeta'd hope it is ok.**

And lastly to the sexy readers who review you send my heart all a flutter**, and I think that my story may suck a bit (self depreciating laugh) if reviews are anything to go by so major thanks to candyland 426, Beachbunny24, hannah9page, addcleric, and blondiee01. Oh and blondiee01, get an account so I can respond to your awesome reviews! :)**

_**Ch. 5 Anyone want egg rolls ?**_

_**KPOV**_

I looked outside as it was raining cats and dogs outside (I saw a rain drop on my window glass that suspiciously looked like a corgi) so I decided to drive Herby to school today.

What to wear what to wear... I mean what do you wear after an amazing weekend filled with semi-prank calls, fan-fucking-tastic art pieces and what was that other little thing? What was it? Oh yeah, becoming friends with a bonafied hottie extraordinaire.

Jealous?

Only thing that could have made it better according to Cleo and her twin sisters Olivia and Ophelia was some hot glasshouse sexing, which I have to say I kind of agree with. But alas that was not in the cards for one Ms. Kimberly Lea Richards, nope she gets stuck in the friend zone which I suppose is better then you know being invisible.

And because I am not Rachel ad am the queen of passive aggressiveness, I chose my shirt and grabbed my skinny white jeans, and pulled them on over my bra and boy shorts.

I ran into the kitchen, sliding on the tiles grabbed a granola bar read a note from mom saying that she wouldn't be home until late because she had a meeting with Ben and then went to the hall closet while chomping on my granola.

I slipped on my black knee high chucks, grabbed my keys, put on my purple plaid rain coat and rushed out the door to Herby to get to school a little early.

"Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you. Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you," I sang quite obnoxiously loudly. Ah Liz Phair you speak to my preteen girl soul. I opened up Herby's door and started toward the school, hopping through the rain puddles, and laughing as I did. Really, it is the little, childish things in life that are the best.

I got to the door and and walked to my normal table in the commons area and sat down. I pulled out my pen and sketchpad, started tapping my lip with the tip of it and closed my eyes as I let my new piece come to me. I know that this may seem weird, but I honestly cannot just make something that someone tells me to. Well, I can but it just feels... wrong. My pieces are all a little piece of me and they all represent what I am at that moment. That's not the right way to say it but it's all I could think of to describe it. And right now at this very moment I was a mixture of annoyance, sexual repression and accepting of my lot in life (read: bound to be stuck in a friend zone until my vagina wrinkles and starts puffing out dust).

As you can imagine the piece that I came up was really a huge mass of confusion when I had it drawn onto my sketchpad. As I looked at it, I kind of had to laugh. Art and especially my glass work had always helped me discover new pieces of myself. It helped me figure out what was going on in my insane semi scatterbrained mind and to basically just sort out what I was feeling, but in a tangible item. But looking at this semi phallic shaped swirly monstrosity I can only conclude that I may need to see a shrink... and visit a sex shop in the next few weeks after my 18th birthday.

Given that I was so preoccupied studying my confused dick (snort) it really isn't a surprise that when someone came up behind me and tapped on my shoulder I screeched like a cat bird. (I know what that sounds like because Rachel and I Google weird shit when we are bored).

I spun around as I screamed, "What the FUCK?"

To my amused horror it was the always sexy (_friend Kim!_) Jared and he looked equal parts horrified, apologetic and if we can assume from his twitching lip, amused.

"Hey Kim, sorry about scaring you like that I thought you heard me call your name." I would love to make you call my name. Knock it off Chloe! Just so it is clear it was really not my clit's fault that she instantly got turned on by him. I mean he was wearing an authentic Beatles concert tee with some jeans that had rips in them. Just yum. This friend thing is going to be hard...hehe hard.

So while trying to control the thirteen year old boy that had apparently recently decided to reside in my brain I smiled and said, "It's no problem at all, buddy, how was your drive to school?" _Drive to school?_

Jared slightly winced at something I said...probably my complete awkwardness... and just shrugged as he took a seat beside me at the table and looked at my drawing. I tried to hide it but he grabbed it before I could. I blushed, trust me the penis style of it was not inconspicuous.

"This is umm... interesting what is it about?" Jared kind of croaked.

Ok some quick thinking artistic mumbo jumbo bull shit, " Well, it is really a portrayal of the human psyche when under great emotional strains." Yeah make it sound like you aren't just horny.

He kind of tilted his head a couple of times and nodded slowly, obviously trying to buy my crap. I felt the color leave my face and sighed that he was actually believing me.

Paul all of a sudden appeared beside Jared and dropped into a chair, and began laughing as he looked at us, "He isn't really you know?"

I looked at him puzzled and Paul pointed at my boobs. I looked down and noticed my passive aggressive shirt I had worn this morning and snickered. Across my chest in large letters it read, 'HE'S GAY' with an arrow that was currently pointing at Jared. Jared cocked his eyebrow at me and gave me a sardonic smile. I felt a small amount of blood color the apples of my cheeks.

"What's up with the triple X dick drawing?" Paul asked as he looked at my sketchpad.

Cue the flush of pink. I again tried a grab for it to hide it and later burn the evidence of my over abundance of hormones.

As Jared began repeating my lame excuse of why there was a dick drawing (it was obvious, there even appeared to be veins) to Paul. He didn't seem like he was buying it like Jared had.

Melody and Liz sat down next to me and looked at the drawing, "What's up with the dildo?" Liz asked as Melody complimented me on the life like look of it. Jared again started on the alibi I gave him.

I put my head down on the table trying to burrow myself into the table through mitosis.

"Kim you are such a freaking pervert! God you are like Seth in Superbad, drawing dicks," Awesome Jacob is here too. Jared again began the explanation as the first bell rang and I literally yelled about going to my locker after grabbing the sketchpad.

People all over the commons watched me as I quickly ran out of the room and up the stairs to my locker. Nicely done, no one noticed...retard.

My face was still a flaming red as I sat down in English and ignored the stares I received as people started trickling in. I decided to take the ostrich approach to this situation so I was pretending that nothing at all had happened. Yeah no one bought it least of all myself.

Jared walked in and sent me a smile as Paul gave me a I know what the deal really was smirk. I stuck my tongue out him. He deserved it. I mean couldn't they all just believe what I had told them? I mean we were teenagers act like it and be a sheep!

Beatie came in and told us that we would be having a _fascinating_ partner project about important moments in literary history or specific genres. He pulled out a bag that was going to decide who our partners were with candy. There were only matches of candy bars in his bag and whoever had the corresponding piece of candy was your partner. And we weren't allowed to eat the candy. I mean really dude Halloween will be in a couple of weeks. Candy is coming out of every store's yin yang.

I picked out a Almond Joy and I was suddenly very glad that I wasn't able to eat my candy. I hate coconut... well the texture just makes me gag.

I looked around and saw Jared and Paul arguing and then Beatie told everyone to hold up their candy bars. I looked around for the matching Almond Joy and saw Paul holding it up smiling smugly. Weird. Jared held up a Crunch Bar and I saw Bethany Sawyer holding the corresponding Crunch Bar sending him flirtatious glances. Harlot.

Beatie wrote down our partners and then told us to get with our partners, and he would come around and give us our subjects and we would have to make a five minute video or sketch on whatever we got.

Paul, still smirking, slid his desk between me and Jared into the walkway and said, "Kimmy, just me and you huh?"

"I guess?" what was his glitch?

Beatie was making his way around the room and it appeared that Jared was fuming while Bethany batted her fake ass eyelashes at him, seriously the glue must be coming undone because a piece was kind of hanging off and fluttering in the wind from all her blinking.

It would have been comical if not for the irrational possessiveness that was running through my veins.

"Ms. Richards, Mr. Barnow you will have the genre of paranormal romance." Beatie said.

I raised an eyebrow in incredulity. Some people had received To Kill A Mockingbird and I got smutty novels?

Paul began hooting in laughter and I think I heard a growl. This school is going insane.

Beatie turned towards Jared and Bethany and Paul looked at me and said in a teasing voice with a smile, "So you wanna do this at your house?"

"Well, I guess that would be fine, my mom won't be home till like eight so I have to make dinner for myself but we can do whatever you want."

"That sounds fantastic. We can use the whole house if we want to."

"Do you need a ride? I have Her-"

"KIM CAN BETHANY AND I COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE?" Jared screamed making me jump in my seat. Everyone including Mr. Beatie turned and looked at him. Paul started laughing and Bethany sent me death ray glares.

"Umm, sure I guess that would be fine. I'm going to make some Chinese for dinner if everyone wants to stay?" I asked it as I question I had no clue what was going on.

Seriously this school was going insane.

I waited outside for Paul by my car, as I saw Bethany and her cronies talking and giving me the evil eye. Paul and Jared were bickering as the walked out of the building and with a parting Paul started walking towards me.

I waved to Jared and gave Paul a small smile before unlocking the doors and climbing into my car. I plugged in my iPod and put on Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit as Paul sat down. Jared was looking at us, and Paul sent him an air kiss as we drove past him.

"This is going to be so much fun Kim, you have no idea," Paul laughed.

"Umm, the project?"

"No, messing with Jared. The boy is going to flip his shit before we leave your house."

"Why?" I mean really what was going on?

"Because I am going to flirt with you." He gave me this ridiculous answer stoically.

"What?" I screeched, "Why in the world would you do that... we don't like each other like that!"

"Ah see that is the beauty of it, I know that, you know that but Jared is a retard and doesn't know that."

Will someone tell me where the hell the sane people are?

"Paul, why do you want to do that?"

"Because he has been getting on my last nerve lately. Just go with it ok Kim," And apparently that was the last word on the subject as he turned up as Fred Durst screamed that he was going to break someone's fucking face tonight.

I kind of seemed like a bad omen.

I walked into my house leaving my shoes on I walked into the kitchen accidentally shutting the swinging door in Paul's face, apologized and opened the refrigerator and bent down to go through what we had.

"Well, I could make some sandwiches, or I could cut up some fruit and vegetables, after I start the fried rice." I suggested.

"Do you think you have enough vegetables?"

"Well, I have carrots, broccoli and this cucumber is huge, I think it would be enough to satisfy us." I answered as I bent lower to look at the other drawers for more options.

The door burst open and Jared screamed, "Get away from her!"

I looked over my shoulder and was surprised at hot wet my boy shorts got. It was like Pavlov's dog. Jared stood in the doorway, his fists clenched and shaking, his feet spread shoulder width apart and his face slightly red and all furious. He looked like an arch angel and I could not have been more turned on... I don't think.

"Umm, what is your problem dude?" Paul asked from the kitchen bar.

Jared looked at him then at me, his eyes slightly darkening for a moment then he shook his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His eyes flung open again and looked at me all like smoldering like.

My girls got even wetter. I sincerely could not help it.

"Kim," he purred. Seriously he purred that shit like a jungle cat. Do jungle cats purr? Well, if they do that is exactly what they sound like all deep and dark and... predatory. It gave me shivers. You know the kind I am talking about.

"H-hi J-Jared," I stammered. I couldn't help it. I kind of felt like a Viking's sex slave and master had just arrived. That is weird I know but my master was Jared so back off.

"Kim! Don't you look so domestic... like a dog." Wonderful Bethany is here.

I gave her a sneer and then looked over to Paul, "Paul do you smell that? Kind of like a French baby prostitute? I thought I told mom to throw out that scented porn she got sent to her. Hmm, mysterious." I started chopping some vegetables.

Paul snickered with me as Bethany fumed and tried to use her few brain cells for a retort. I set them down with a ranch and a dill dip and then turned back towards the fridge.

I began taking out everything I would need for the rice later and got to cooking the chicken, beef and shrimp, "Paul any ideas?" I asked as I turned on the wok and started cooking the chicken.

"Not really, you?" he asked as he munched on a carrot stick.

"Well, there are a lot of different types. Angels, Vampires, Ghost Seerer, Dragons, Werewolves I mean the possibilities are almost endless."

"Hmm," he said noncommittally, still chewing. Jared and Bethany were sitting at the table talking lowly.

"We could do a little like short for each of them. Ben-my mom's semi boyfriend- has a degree in computer animation, so I don't think it would be too hard to do some tricks with it. And we could just film ourselves in the parts of each... fantasy? Is that the right word?" I said distractedly as I finished the chicken and started on the beef.

"Fantasy is definitely the right word." he said like Casanova. I had to bite my lip to not laugh at his dorkiness.

"Good, sugar." I murmured back.

I heard a smack and then a curse but I ignored it.

I put in the shrimp and said, "Well, we will have to decide who is what. You know the unsuspecting human and the mythical creature in each situation. Pull out a piece of paper and make a list."

"How come I can't be the bad ass in all the situations?" Paul asked.

"Because I want to do some of them dick face. Now pull it out."

"Kim, there are other people here!" He said in a faux shocked voice. Idiot.

"Do you have it?"

"Oh I got it babe,"

"Can you turn anything into an innuendo?"

"Psh, In your end-o Kimmy."

"Sorry that doesn't work for me, too small for me as you should know by my drawing this morning." Yeah all bow down to Kimmy-Cobra, her bite is just as bad as her bark. I heard snickers aplenty.

"Meanie-pants. Ok I have whipped it out. Wanna touch it?"

I put the shrimp into the bowl holding the other meats and started to cook the vegetables I had, "May later baby." I said in a dead pan voice.

After much deliberation and a almost completely finished house special fried rice we had our list finished.

It went as follows :

Angel: Kim

Werewolf: Paul

Ghost Seerer: Kim

Dragon: Paul

Paul refused to do vampires for some reason, which was stupid given how many paranormal romances featured vampires. I was still trying to convince him.

"Paul we need to have vampires."

"No."

"I let you do it."

"No," he growled that time freak.

"I'll be the vamp and pretend to bite you."

"No."

"Fine then I will just have to do it when you fall asleep ha!"

"That won't work because I would wake up. And that smells great"

"You know what, either you let us do vampires or I refuse to feed you." Low blow? Perhaps because I knew that I could make the hell out of fried rice, but come on who doesn't associate paranormal romances with vampires? Freaks that's who.

"That is so not cool! What am I suppose to do? Just sit here smelling that delicious food and not eat?" Paul whined like a freaking toddler.

"Umm no you are suppose to say, 'Kim I would love for you to bite me, may I have the soy sauce'," I replied with a raised eye brow a'la the Rock.

He frowned for a while, shrugged and then said in a 'sexy' voice, "Kim I would _love _for you to bite me, would you pass the soy sauce... and the bowl of rice?"

I gave him a huge smile as I passed the bowl to him.

I looked around at the table. The past couple of hours had flew by, given that I was arguing with a man who's maturity had stopped advancing before he hit elementary school.

I think that Jared and Bethany had gotten their outline for their project done but I couldn't really tell. Jared was shuffling between angry glares, looks of longing (for what I have no idea) and shoveling his face full of my rice, as Bethany had her arms folded across her not so impressive chest and sent hateful glances to the three of us... mostly me.

I shrugged and dug into my rice which earned a satisfied moan from me. I seriously was not trying to be provocative, there are just somethings in life that deserve a moan and my rice was one of them.

I opened my eyes and everyone was staring at me. I felt the blush again rise to my cheeks and swallowed my mouthful.

"Umm, anyone want egg rolls?"

**Whoa that was a lot of writing! So what do you think of my Paul? Oh I cannot wait until he and Rachel meet HAHAHA. **

**Chapter Question: Do you remember the girl/boy that you hated in high school? I remember mine the icky skank lol.**

**Oh you will want to review because Jared is up next!**

**XOXO Mel**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Still don't own... but I got a new kitten! Named her Gir she is a bad ass kitten.**

**Thank you faithful reviewers, you are the reason I keep writing and posting... makes those of you who don't review think doesn't it. Let's roll out the red carpet and try to hold your applause for: ally leigh, candyland 426, surferchick525, RedheadObsession, hannah9page, Beachbunny24, justareaderfan, Starstrukk by 3OH3, ArielMermaid, Ali Edward Cullen, and M.D12, your the reason for this chapter.**

**Love ya bunches LeahMeraz thank you for being my semi abused beta but she is still on holiday sadly.**

**Ch. 6 I Need A New Best Friend**

**Jared Point of View**

Because Paul had been an idjit I had gotten stuck with Bethany Sawyer as a partner on the English project and I kind of wanted to slam my head on a table whenever the needy chick was around. She seriously could not take a hint, suggestion, or an outright demand, she may possibly need to start riding the short bus.

Thankfully, today was a day we were going to take a break from the terror that was his partners project, which meant I go Kim all to myself. Boo-ya!

Kim and I sat at her kitchen table, homework spread out around us as her mother cooked in the kitchen, humming a silly tune.

We had only been hanging out for a week and I honestly didn't realize how hard it would be to put off my romantic feelings for her, and just be her friend.

I looked over my math book at Kim and barely contained the sigh of longing I felt for her. Since imprinting on Kim I had turned into the biggest pussy whipped man (other then Sam) and the girl didn't even know it. It was times like these, when I could watch her without her noticing that I loved. Kim was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her long wavy hair, her eyelashes that brushed her cheek, her expressive eyes that gave me just one iota of what was going on in her head, her nose that sat perfectly on her face and her lips, god I had almost rubbed myself raw thinking about those lips alone. I won't go into detail below the neck given that I am likely to get another fucking boner in her proximity and that shit ain't kosher, oh and don't judge because even though she was my soul mate, the other half of myself, I was still a young virile werewolf in need to well...mate with my mate for lack of a better expression.

I really could kick myself in the balls for asking her to be friends. I should have manned up asked her out and if she said yes started planning our wedding,then our future puppies and of course our honeymoon. (We are going to go somewhere warm where clothing is completely optional.) Slightly psycho? I don't care. She's my better half so she could handle my crazy... I hope...I reverentially hope.

Kim was probably the most confusing girl I had ever met and during the past week I had gotten to know her better and all I can say is that the woman is a cornucopia of contradictions. We have her witty sarcastic side (which is sexy), her sweet, gentle, you should see her when she watches those shows like a Baby Story or any show that had animal humane society on it, tears always well up (Which is endearing and sexy), her domestic side, cooking, cleaning and I had even seen her fold laundry (sexy), her independent streak (very sexy) and her confusing combination of seductress when she doesn't mean to and shy virgin, like she wears a shirt that talks about whips and chains, then blushes when a boy winks at her, I almost punched that boy, (both equally sexy...at least minus the tool of a boy).

I especially love her artistic soul. I for one can only draw a mean stick figure, but watching Kim take an idea from her brain and bring it into the world is one of the most awe inspiring things I have ever seen. (Also extremely arousing.)

I can never figure her out from one moment to the next, and though it was frustrating it really was endearing (and sexy.) If you haven't deducted yet, Kim is unbelievably sexy.

"SO what are you doing on Halloween?" She asked as she twirled her pencil and kept her eyes on her paper.

"Hmm, probably going to have to work that night why?"

"Oh I was just wondering because I usually dress up, hand out candy and have a monster movie fest, and I had asked my mom if you could come over with Jake and the other guys, since Rachel has school, but if you can't then that's ok," she answered and two tiny frown lines appeared in the middle of her forehead mocking me to smooth them out...and then kiss them... and then kiss her delectable lips.

"Oh maybe I could get off, and come over a bit later?" Why did I make that a question?

She lifted her eyes and looked at me over her glasses, which I had many naughty secretary/ librarian fantasies, and told me she was looking forward to it.

Then she began biting her finger as she concentrated back on her work.

I covertly adjusted myself below the table and tore my eyes away from her and back to my blank page.

I have to at least pretend to do work.

School was becoming more and more hellacious. I had to dodge the ever persistent Bethany, deal with people looking at me because they still hadn't gotten over the growth spurt, and to top it all off my best friend was a dick head of epic proportions.

Paul had been trying to me make me lose my mind. He knew just as well as I did that another werewolf couldn't seduce another werewolf's imprint, it would lead to chaos because...well wolves are very territorial. Take the average guy in real love, multiply that by a million and then add in a dog who is not neutered and his girl is in heat and you basically get the imprinter's mentality.

I thought this to myself as I ran my hand through my short hair, and I watched him lean into her as she spoke softly and imagined chocking him with his own entrails. Dick.

A dick who wanted me to go prematurely bald because he was jealous of my hair line, I was almost 15% positive, that was why he was faux moving in on Kim...at least it better be fake. But what was I suppose to do? Kill him? I mean I may sometimes day dream of killing him but really I couldn't do that.

We would be one werewolf short in the pack.

And it would scare Kim.

I repeated these reasons to myself until I saw him and Kim talking about their project and she smiled at him. I growled lowly and saw him look up at me and raise an eyebrow. "Yeah you know the deal Paul, keep it semi hostile, you can be good buddies when we are dating," I said in a voice only he could here as I made my way over to them.

He smiled at Kim and told me to kiss his ass too low for Kim to hear.

I hate this.

I walked over to the table and sat next to Kim, her scent wafted over me. She smelled like lilacs, vanilla and a tiny bit of the metallic smell from working with her pipe and glass. I was like Pavlov's dog, drooling the minute I smelled her. It was getting out of control. The longer she wasn't really 'mine' the more possessive I felt. I felt like I had to mark her as my mate to get a restful night of sleep. I constantly thought about how to keep her safe, how she was feeling, if she was happy, if she wanted more from this 'friendship', if she liked someone else, if she did like someone other then me then did that give me a plausible defense of insanity if something _happened _to him, and most of all if Kim would ever just be mine and I hers. It was getting to the point that when I was on patrol I would run past her house at least twenty times and often sit outside her window and listen to her breath as she slept. I know creepy but I seriously could not help myself.

I mean would you want to live in my head right now? Because I honestly don't. The fucking anxiety of the unknown was going to cause me to eventually be the first person in history to just die of over thinking, probably by a brain aneurism or a rupture ulcer...can ulcers rupture? Well I will get one and it will from this bullshit.

"Hey Jared," Kim said in her sweetly sexy voice. Ugh I need to adjust again. Fuckin' A girls were so lucky to not have to have constant boners.

"Hey Kim," yep lay on the husky voice you over grown puppy, she will never notice. Trying to seduce her with my voice was all I had really come up with in my plan to get Kim. I don't think it was working at all.

Kim's eyes slightly glazed over, probably thinking about what a dork I was and then gave me an earth shattering smile and turned back to Paul, "So I'm going to bite you?"

I really cannot help the growl that came out of my chest. I mean her mouth anywhere near anyone but me? Yeah that was a big fucking problem for the over protective wannabe boyfriend. BIG. FUCKING. PROBLEM. I don't care that he is my brother. They both looked over at me, one confused the other amused.

"Yep yep."

How about a fucking no PAUL? Screw this I am getting a new best friend. I'm serious, I will tell Jacob later that he is filling in that role... he thinks of Kim as a sister...no need to worry on that front, although my unintentional sharing of Kim fantasies were putting a slight strain on his patience with me, maybe Embry?

"Hey Kim, did you bring Herby today?" I asked, hoping they would change the goddamn subject, and distract me from my wandering thoughts.

"No, actually I walked. Why?" She answered the two little lines that came to her forehead as she gave a small frown in concentration. So cute, yep now I am one of those guys who says cute. Damn it, I might as well just grow a labia, and start calling myself Jeri.

"Would you like a ride home? We could talk about..um Halloween?" I asked trying to conceal the pathetically hopeful tone in my voice. Just call me Jeri. If I didn't feel the raging hard on pushing against my jeans in a very unsettling way I would have sworn my balls had ascended into my body.

"That would be amazing!" She said with another happy grin. Then because, I think she hates me, she sighed and started sucking on her pen cap as she returned her eyes to her notebook, a titillating unconscious gesture she does that both mesmerizes and makes me uncomfortable.

Ugh I need to readjust.

I waited for her beside my beat up truck and drummed a nonsensical beat on the hood as I saw her come out with Mel and Liz, her head thrown back in laughter. Pretty...so pretty.

She looked around the parking lot, her eyes locked on me as she threw a wave over her shoulder to her friends and started walking towards me, eyes never leaving mine.

I felt my heart swell and start beating faster as she drew near me, the imprint pull becoming stronger with every step. I had to be closer faster so I began moving towards her.

I heard a car's tires squeal as some idiot sophomore slammed on their brakes almost hitting _my _Kim. I ran to her faster then any normal human could ever hope to, as my heart pounded in my chest in fright, imagining all the horrible scenarios that could have happened.

"Fucking ass munching, iguana dick sucking, bitch driving Ms. Daisy ignoramus, I will kick you yellow liveried ass,"

I got to her and picked her up, all the while she screamed profanities at the idiot who was behind the wheel. My head knew that she was ok, I mean you can't invent new curse words and bring slang back from the 19th century if you are gravely injured but I critically needed to just feel her alive in my arms, which were shaking like a leaf in an autumn wind storm. If that kid knew how close I was to losing my shit, if she hadn't been ok, he would so not have flipped her off as he drove away. Protecting the human race my ass, boy would have been deader then a possum on the side of the road, no joke.

"Are you alright?" God was that voice my own? I sounded like I had just had the wind knocked out of me and then swallowed boiling tar. Which actually was a pretty apt description if I was completely truthful.

Apparently, the shock of almost getting hit had set in for Kim, as she burrowed into my chest, shaking as she nodded.

Jesus purse carrying Christ I had almost lost her. That thought just sent more shivers through my spine, a fiery sensation going with them and I knew I had to chill myself out so I didn't go wolf.

I climbed into the cab of the truck still carrying my precious bundle and just sat there, rocking her as small tears slipped out of her eyes and onto my shirt, so warm that I actually felt them.

I breathed in her scent, reassuring the wolf in me that my mate was sound and rested my head in her hair.

She looked up at me seeing the scare I had experienced, I am sure, in my eyes and as the tears glistened in her eyes I did the only thing I was really capable of at that moment.

I kissed her.

KPOV

The kiss was explosive. I felt it in every atom in my body. His lips, his perfect lips, were firm, passionate and hot on mine. So hot in fact that the heat spread through my body like a wild fire, burning, intense and all consuming until all I could do was cling to his strongly muscled form and sigh in wanton pleasure. Yep you heard me _wanton pleasure_.

His arms tightened on my hips as he pulled his face a centimeter from mine so that our lips weren't touching but each breath out felt like a caress sending shivers of pleasure up and down my spine.

"Wow," I said, as one single brain cell began functioning.

"Kim," He breathed onto my face, sending spearmint and male scent into my senses.

"I, um, what the-" I could not form more then four words and one of them was more of a grunt that is how good it was, and then of course because I had killed a man in a past life so now karma hates me, or maybe gods and goddess have a weekly showing of the Kim Show a la The Truman Show he had to ruin it.

"OH, Kim, I am so sorry that was a huge mistake, I should never have done that, I promise it will never happen again."

Not only is this mofo apparently no affected by my first real kissing skills as I am by his but he has the cojones to then rip out my, at the moment, fragile heart by saying it was a mistake, and then just to poor high quality salt into the open gash he decides to tell me it won't ever happen again.

I gave him some monotone answer and then got in his car and we drove to my house in silence, me because I was trying to keep the bitter tears at bay and him probably trying not to gag in disgust.

We pulled up my drive way and I got out quickly shutting the door and speed walking up to my door, simultaneously pulling out my keys, wondering why we bother to even lock our doors in this podunk town.

"Kim, wait I, just," He stuttered.

Not wanting to hear the bullshit again I turned towards him, gave him a smile that felt more like a grimace, and said in a semi tight voice, "It's alright Jared we are still, _friends_ and I won't hold it against you that I am obviously a pretty shitty kisser, so we will just pretend it never happened and move on like _buddies_ always do," I stressed all forms of platonic acquaintanceship to myself remembering that I had really helped this along in my many fantasies. I would figure out what to do after I cried to Rachel.

He winced again, probably going through my horrid kissing and I sent him an awkward wave before climbing up my stairs, picking up my old school phone a la Cruella DE Vil and then after dialing proceeded to cry to my best friend in gasping shuttering sobs, trust me it wasn't pretty because unlike women in movies who 'sob' and their make up is still in place, I get puffy faced, red eyed and snotty when I cry this hard.

After soothing me like only Rachel can, by going into her obviously extreme study of castration using dull utensils she spoke to me softly, "You know what you do don't you Kimmy?"

"What?" I sniffled.

"You become so sexy, so irresistible that he begs you, begs you Kim and then after getting whatever it is that you want out of him you dump his ass."

"That seems awful harsh."

"Ok new plan, make him beg by being sexy, get him to date you, hold out for sex for as long as you can, there you win and he still gets it back a bit."

"I can handle that, what's the plan."

"Here's what we do..."

Rachel told me the plan and I really got into it, especially some of the things, and first was to chuck out my bride of Frankenstein and get a new sexier get up.

Jared Hall look out.

**A.N OK sorry for the switcheroo at the end of the chapter, but it is mostly in Jared and there was a kiss. Too excited for my fictional Halloween.**

**Review my pretties, and make sure your little dog does too.**

**What's your favorite movie to watch around Halloween time?**

**And do you want to see the costumes?**

**XOXO Mel :o)**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer:I don't own Twilight, or really anything as I am unemployed so yeah.

Thank you so much reviewers! And now I will parade them in front of you so you can be jealous of their awesomeness... M.D12, candyland 426, 11ali26 , justareaderfan, Mumrik, addcleric, Ali Edward Cullen, ally leigh, laurazuleta18, blondy under lock and key and blondiee01.

Chapter 7: Operation FUCK and a Shocking Development

KPOV

The first step of operation Fix Up Cretin & Kim or Operation FUCK,(pretty clever non?) was to get a new Halloween costume because according to Mean Girls and Rachel, it is the only day a girl can dress like a whore and people can't say shit about it, which is stupid and hypocritical but whatever. So I looked up online at this website Rachel gave me and found the cutest and least uber slutty outfit, bought a pair of thigh highs and a garter that had a skull on it and sent for the next day delivery, anticipating the week I had until Halloween, to pump myself up with all kinds of girl power mojo.

And tomorrow I would do a bit of step two, just to see what the reaction was to it and make sure I didn't just waste 100 dollars of my own money.

Now before anyone accuses me of being a puttana(which is Italian for whore I feel like I am over using that word) I had called Paul the night before and asked him if he would be ok with me flirting with him the next day. After explaining the highly embarrassing reason why I was doing this, including mumbling our operation name, and him finishing his laughing streak I was awarded with a choked yes and a reverent thanks for being so awesome. I'm not exactly sure if that is the correct reaction to a plan to seduce your best friend but whatever.

So I did what any virgin puttana would do in this situation the next morning, I dressed to kill. I woke up early took a shower, added more curls to my already wavy hair,put in my contacts, and did my make up light but with a darker lip, which made them look _extremely_ plump.

Thanking Rachel for her love of Victoria's secret I pulled out a cream colored shirt (it was called sugar baby) that was slightly innocent but mostly hella sexy. It was tight in the chest area and a champagne like cream that was a wrap v neck and then the waist and top of the sleeves has this gorgeous intricate lace that just made my heart pound, which was lame but it did. I decided that I would wear my flared hip huggers and finish it off with a pair of cream heals. Yep I wore heals to school but I don't have gym so you cannot judge. I finished the outfit off with a cream flower in my hair and my fire opal necklace and ring set, grabbed my messenger bag and headed out the door.

The outfit worked out much better then I was expecting...much better, in a good and bad way.

I got to school and jaws dropped, apparently when you are always seen in snarky t-shirts and then show up to school looking pretty, people flip their lids. Ignoring the looks of lust and jealousy, depending on the gender of the looker, I walked to my table and sat down, pushed my chair back and crossed my legs and noticed how long they looked, awesome!

Liz and Mel got to the table first and I had to laugh at their dropped jaws.

"You sure on the whole penis thing Kim? We could make room for you, live the life of polygamists," Mel whistled which just made me shake my head and laugh harder.

"No, she is serious hotness," Liz added.

"Well, my lovely lesbians, if I ever decide to switch teams you will be the first to know," I chuckled.

Jake came over to the table with Quil and Embry flocking him, all looking like Mel and Liz had when they saw me. For real it is not like I was looking like a slob before...right?

"Kim you look pretty," Embry breathed. This is getting ridiculous.

"Thank you Embry, Quil stop staring at my tits, and Jacob stop giving the death glare at the males looking at me you are being an over protective idiot. How will you react on Halloween?" I asked as I looked at the males in question raising an eyebrow, it was like I was all of a sudden some vixen, I mean there is only one guy I want to notice obviously. And I didn't feel one iota of guilt that I had 'changed' myself because really I already owned this outfit and so what if I decided to look pretty... Cleo and the girls were lonely and wanted a trip down Jared's lane.

Paul came over and winked at me already in on Plan FUCK so I smiled warmly at him because really how many guys would do this?

Paul plopped down on the unoccupied seat next to me that Jared had started taking as his and flung an arm around me. He was ridiculous and dumb trying to make it look like we were dating but whatever floats his boat. I had planned on covert flirting in front of Jared but I suppose this works just as well.

I saw Jared come through, parting the groups still standing around, like Moses and secretly thrilled at his look of obvious approval of my outfit and was secretly satisfied at the look of anger he threw when he saw Paul's arm around my shoulder and that he was sitting in 'his chair'.

Come into my parlor said the spider to the fly.

He sat down across from me and his lips moved slightly. The boys all looked at him and gave him varying glances. Jake looked on in approval, Quil looked a little scared, Embry looked awestruck and Paul looked vastly amused only adding to my confusion. I really didn't understand any of their stares. So odd.

"Hi Jared, how are you?" Paul asked.

He muttered something that sounded either like pissed off or miss DA loft. The latter made no sense so I'm going to assume he said the first.

The uneasy silence and tension that surrounded us made me squirm uneasily.

Queen of diversion to the rescue of the awkward pause, "Did you know the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows?" Can nothing normal ever come forth from the opening of my mouth?

Everyone just looked at me do I opened my bag and began scribbling ducks on my sketchpad, because that is what all sane people do when they find themselves in awkward situations.

Paul and Jake burst forth with howls of laughter and Embry and Quil soon followed suit. I peeked a look and Jared looked like he was pained.

The bell rang so I got up to go to my locker and surprisingly Paul followed along with me. I heard a snarl follow us. Good be jealous Jared, I looked over my shoulder and saw him looking at my ass, so I swayed it a bit more and slowed my roll. Kim is the Queen of seduction.

Ok so Kim is not really the queen but she is definitely a runner up in the pageant of seductiveness. To be the queen I would have had to not have tripped on the raised metal door jam as Paul and I walked into class, but it actually turned into a win because Paul caught me pulling me to his chest instinctively and Jared just so happened to see him do it which sent him into another animalistic sound which consequently made me imagine him naked and underneath me when he made those sounds, sigh.

But after that the day was pretty uneventful, Paul and I with apparent supervision, cough Jared cough, filmed our project and then we handed it in yesterday. We watched the videos, ours getting OOOOOOO's as I 'bit' Paul in my tight black tank top and blood red lips, I was going to wear a corset but Jared had nixed that, and me trying to contain my laughter as Bethany flirted on screen with an angry looking Jared who talked about Roots stoically and I saw Paul run around in the back ground with a sign that said His Name Toby, which just made my laughter harder to hold in.

The rest of the week went in a uniformed pattern.

Jared continued to pout as Paul continued to flirt in his face and laugh behind his back, I wore funny shirts and tanks, which were a bit more risque then before, in between hot little numbers, Bethany tried to start a rumor that I had become a prostitute in Port Angeles, since I had all new clothes (retard my mom won the fucking lottery) and mentally rubbed my hands in anticipation.

And then finally it was Sunday and that meant Halloween.

I got into my costume and was shocked at how hot I looked. I had almost gotten a costume called Little Red Hottie Hood, but had changed my mind when I had found my fallen angel costume. One look and I was in love. The costume itself was a short black dress with straps that were lace, had two black vinyl like bows on the chest and a corset like tie up the waist. The bottom of the skirt was satin and stopped mid thigh.

I had added thigh highs that were black and opaque except for the back of them where they were corset like again and tied up from mid lower calf to the top of the thigh highs.

My heals were three inches that had an ankle strap, and had this black ruffle thing that went across the top of my foot, that I had bought from Target for a steal a few years ago..

I put on a silver wing necklace, and black spiked bracelets and then to pull it all together, I had black feathered wings.

I used my purple liquid eyeliner and made cat eyes. Then used my cherry red lipstick and my ever lasting lip shine and to finish it off I put my hair into sleek loose pigtails.

The look, if I do say so myself, made me look really hot. I giggled to myself as I imagined the look that would no doubt grace Jared's lovely face when he saw me.

I made my way downstairs after a few last minute touch ups, and put candy in a bowl beside the door for the trick-or-treaters. Mom was working late tonight since a lot of people came to the diner on Halloween so I was on candy duty.

After I was done with that, I went into the kitchen grabbed the snacks I had made for the boys and then I went into the den, put out the movies we would be watching tonight and put the first movie into the DVD player.

The doorbell rang and I went over to it, my heels clacking on the hardwood floor as I walked and opened the door.

Jake, Quil and Embry dressed as The Three Stooges, very appropriate, stood before me with wide open mouths.

"You," Jake aka Moe gasped.

"Look," Embry as Larry said.

"Hot," Quil/Curly breathed in I would say rapture.

Yeah I knew I looked good, but really I didn't think I looked quite so sexy, for these reactions. It was pretty funny to see their looks. Suddenly Jake evidently recovered himself and sent me a scowl as he expressed his displeasure with a rather accurate statement, "Rachel decided it was ok for you to dress like a hoochie didn't she?"

I shrugged not wanting to rat out Rachel and spread my arm towards the den.

The door closed behind them and they just walked behind me instead of going into the room.

"I can't decided if Jared is going to have a heart attack from how hot you look, or a coronary from how angry he gets that other people are going to see you in it," Jake said with a mock concerned look.

"My money is on a mixture of the both. I think when they do the autopsy they won't be able to determine the killing blow." Embry announced.

"But what is certain is that he will be dead as a doornail," Quil finished their idiocy. Jeez they are like three headed dog in Hercules...what was it called? Oh this is going to drive me crazy.

"Hardee har har, losers. I thought I looked nice, does it look that bad?" I asked, my self consciousness rearing it's hideously deformed head, as I continued to try and remember the name of that damn dog.

"Well, we will just let Jared give you the compliments you are so obviously hunting for."

Jake is such a smart ass.

"It's a good thing Paul is busy today or Jared will probably kill him just for seeing you in this," Embry said as Quil nodded and said some bull shit about speak the truth brother. Stupido.

Someone knocked on the door and I opened it revealing a ghost, a vampire, Pippi Longstocking, a clown, a kitty cat and Raggedy Anne. It was very interesting assortment of characters to be totally honest.

"TRICK OR TREAT," all six screamed at me.

"Aren't you all adorable, well except for the vampire and ghost very scary," I said as I put a handful of candy in each of their bags, I know the three headed dog in Harry Potter was named Fluffy but that is not its real name.

"Actually the clown is pretty scary too," Quil said with a fake shudder.

That made all of us, the kids included laugh and they, being nice polite children, ran off without so much as a thanks for the candy, your costume is amazing. Sigh.

The door was knocked again and I opened it revealing a sexy boxing girl.

"Kimmy! Ow ow hottie that is a sexilicious outfit."

"Rachy! I thought you couldn't come!" I exclaimed, as I pulled her into a hug.

"Well, I decided that I could spend the night and leave early tomorrow to make it to my three o'clock class."

"You look super hot Ms. Ali," I said as I held her out from my body skimming her outfit with my eyes and she really did, although Rachel is short she is mostly leg so with her short pink and black boxing robe that ended an inch above mid thigh, black fishnet stockings and pink heels they looked even longer. She had on pink boxing gloves and a silver boxing glove necklace. To top off her bad ass beauty look she had made a small 'bruise' with eye makeup.

She pulled out she robe showing off short shorts and a tank top that didn't meet the shorts as she curtsied.

"So is this everyone?" she said as she walked past me and pulled Jake, then Quil, then Embry into hugs.

They all gave greetings and Happy Halloweens and then stood together and caught up.

"We ordering pizza?" Rachel asked me as she used Jake's arm as a punching bag. He just looked at her amusement shining in his eyes.

"Yeah I'll get on that right now. If anyone comes to the door, just answer it and give them candy," I said as I walked towards the kitchen to use the phone and call Pizza Hut.

I figured with four huge guys and two girls we would need at least six pizzas so I ordered ten since the guys could pack it away. I heard someone knock on the door as I ordered the pizzas and decided to tack on some cheese sticks and hot wings.

I walked out of the kitchen and ran into the none other then the one the only Jared Hall.

Have you ever been walking down a street, I don't know window shopping, walking your dog, maybe jogging a bit and then BAM! a guy, _or girl depending on your orientation_, so hot...so gorgeous... so sexually arousing to you, that you honestly have to pause just to appreciate the attractiveness fully? Maybe you will just sigh a soft 'wow' or wipe the inexplicable drool that suddenly appears on your chin off and then you are able to go on with your life maybe an occasional subconscious remembrance of the perfection you saw creeping back to the forefront of your mind. Now imagine that man/woman was your friend who was standing in your hallway..._topless... _in cut off,_ torn up _shorts that somehow emphasize the V on his body that leads to the promise land, and this person has kissed you before. I mean his abs alone made me want to lick them.

What would you do? Cleo and her sister's, the double O's, wanted me to jump him and then hump his leg like a bitch in heat. My brain sadly was on board with this plan. And my heart wanted me to run, either into his arms, or into my bedroom and hide.

While all of these options would have been embarrassing, the option I choose had many more repercussions then any of these would because I chose the holy grail of idiotic options and decided to open my sarcastic mouth.

"So, are you the one minority in an Abercrombie and Fitch advertisement or ex member of the Village People?"

Huston, the bitch has landed with all her false bravado and a viper's tongue, not a pleasant combination. I honestly regretted right away lashing out at him, because of my sexual repression and had opened my mouth to apologize but maybe Jared had finally tired of my bipolar bullshit, maybe his was sick of Paul's faux whatever it was he was doing, or maybe Operation FUCK was just a huge fuck all bomb of shit he couldn't cope with anymore, but whatever the reason I was definitely surprised by my _sweet_ Jared's reply.

"Nope, I am your misguided fantasy come to life. Nice costume by the way, did you get it at the Bitchy Skank Emporium? I heard Hannah Montana started shopping there."

The silence after that statement was so loud I felt it beating on my ear drums. The Three Stooges and Rachel all froze as he said it and I followed suit like there was a wild animal in the room and it could only detect us if we moved.

I had never had Jared speak to me like that before and to say I was in a state of shock was a gross understatement.

Then, slowly as his tone of voice, spiteful as it was, left me the actual words sunk in.

He. Had. Called. Me. A. Bitch. _AND. _A. SKANK!

I will own up to the bitch, I am often acting like one, sometimes around him, _but_ I was_ not_ promiscuous in any way.

I mean I am almost eighteen years old and only myself and the lady who measured my bra cups have ever touched my freaking boobs. I had only ever kissed two members of the opposite sex, one in seventh grade during a game of Spin the Bottle and _once _with this limp- wrist, carpet munching, cum guzzling, uncle fucking, bitch tits who then proceeds to tell me it is a mistake. A. Fucking. Mistake! Bruising my heart that has had a crush on the jizz - beard for the vast majority of my life, which lead me to be standing in front of him in my _sexy _not _skanky _outfit.

And he had the nerve to compare me to Hannah Montana who we all know has a severe case of multiple personality disorder and should be committed as soon as humanly possible.

So I did what any sane, furious, slandered, and gravely mistreated female would do.

I walked, well stomped might be a better description, up to him and slapped his face. Now four things happened after that that honestly summed up it all:

His face moved _very _slightly to the side from the force of my blow.

I had put all my weight, anger and sexual frustration into that blow hoping it would either knock some goddamn sense into the gorgeous behemoth or knock his head clean off his shoulders, and all I got was a slight movement for my troubles.

His eyes ran through emotions extremely quickly. Shock. Anger. Guilt. Then a huge amount of remorse and worry as he looked at me.

He should not look so sexy angry, it honestly isn't fair and from the looks on his face, I knew he was sorry for saying those things but then a more important situation came to the forefront of my mind.

A pain so surprising, it stole my breath away, and my knees go weak speared through me for a moment until the nausea and then adrenaline shock hit and I looked at my hand in a daze and noticed that my pinkie was pointing in a sickeningly wrong direction.

I looked over to Rachel and whimpered in pain letting her guess from the look of it and my sound that this was bad and I needed to go to the hospital pronto. She nodded her head said she would take me to Forks General which caused a rumble to go through the pack of idiots and then followed her to the car and then to the hospital, where a very nice and hunky doctor, not as hunky as the cum guzzler that I had left in the doorway, got X-rays taken and told me I would need a cast and some drugs.

Rachel told me how proud she was of my boxer's fracture as the doctor wrapped my newly set cast in colored gauze. Which color did I chose you ask? Black. Like my still pissed off soul. Emo? Goth? I really couldn't give a shit.

Rachel then drove me home, high as a bird in the sky on percasets. I think I might have asked her if the Backstreet Boys versus N*sync was a bigger brawl the Coke versus Pepsi.

After walking into my house and seeing the boys wrinkle their noses then shake in a synchronized way, I asked dick-face and the Three Stooges what they were still doing there, ignored their answers, walked into the den, pushed play on the DVD player and fell asleep to Bette Milder telling me she had put a spell on me during Hocus Pocus.

Which in my drug induced state I believed whole heartedly. The last thing I remembered was whispering cerberus, the name of the damn three headed dog of Hades

**What did you think? This is my favorite chapter so far. Obviously my smart readers know who the hunky doctor was so time for the question of the chapter:**

**What would you like to dress up as for Halloween? I'm going to be a hippy lol.**

**And Kim and Rachel's costumes and MY JARED are all posted to my profile page.**

**Peace and Love Dudes and Dudettes.**

**XX Mel :o)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer I own nothing that I talk about, sadly.**

**THANK YOU REVIEWERS! lottie14b, candyland 426, ArielMermaid, justareaderfan, ..key, blondie01, Ali Edward Cullen, OoOMerry-had-a-littlelambOoO, laurazuleta18, c4wot, Mumrik, Beachbunny24, Lil'Dinky, and Manna1. I am so sorry if I didn't reply back because my interwebs has been all schitso but I read them all and each of you gets kisses and Jared humps.**

**Ch. 8 Why Are You Always Around When I Am Fucked Up?**

**KPOV**

I had woken up a few hours later and sat up slowly, feeling sleepy still from the percasets, noticing how hard and hot my pillow felt, and saw Rachel practically sitting on Jacob's lap, curled up a blanket from my room, with a look of horor slapped across her face.

Jacob kept averting his eyes from the TV screen and then looking at it again.

"This is the scariest thing I have ever seen in my entire life." Quil whispered from across the room. Embry nodded his eyes never leaving from the screen.

"You guys if you don't turn this off I am going to be sick all over Kim's head and then she is going to want to kill me when she wakes up," Jared's voice came from above my head. I looked up and saw the strong underside of the jaw I had admired often. And then somethings came together in my fogged out brain.

Oh that was the hard thing under my head. Not a firm pillow but a very firm, hot Jared thigh.

My drugged out head was on Jared's hot ass thigh!

And he was going to puke on it?

I looked over to the screen and was assaulted by a huge horrifying vagina that looked like a bloody monster was coming from it but not before ripping it to shreds.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! What the fuck are you sicko's watching?" I honestly couldn't help the scream.

Jared and Jacob jumped, Embry gasped, Rachel squealed and Quil gave the girliest, high pitched scream I had ever heard.

"Jesus cat loving Christ, Kim! Why did you do that?" Rachel shrieked.

"Because there is a giant bloody gaping vagina with an alien coming out of it on my television screen!" I screamed back as I tried to tear my eyes from the horror that was in HD on a 60 inch. Trust me it is more terrifying then you can imagine.

"Well we were arguing about what horror flick to watch and Rach said she had something even scarier in her backpack that she got from her Child Development elective and I swear I didn't think she was serious Kim, but she was she was." Quil said in a teary voice.

I was literally horrified to be seeing this and I just could not take my eyes away from it. It was like I don't know walking in on someone having sex. Like for the instant that you realize what is happening before you leave you can't help but be horrified and a bit curious.

Well that made me sound like a perv but whatever.

The hideous alien was finally breaching the tortured woman's hooha before I realized that I was clutching on with only one hand to the twat chops who had caused my other arm to be wrapped in plaster.

Hehe twat chops that is going in the awesome bank.

"Twat chops why are you still here?" Oh yeah it is even better to say out loud.

Jared looked at me all woe-is-me which in my normal state of mind would have made me feel so sorry for him but my hand was aching and my arm was itching like a bitch which did not put me in a forgiving mood.

"Kim don't be a bitch, he let you drool on him obviously it is love," Rachel my soon to be ex-best friend said as she shoved popcorn into her gob.

I being slightly still high on pain killers gave a melodramatic gasp worthy of an Oscar and scooted away from Jared all the while sending her betrayed looks. She being Rachel just shrugged at me and returned her eyes to the screen.

"Kim, I am so sorry you got hurt," Jared whispered to me as he looked into my slightly glazed over eyes.

"You should be." Little known fact much easier to be a bitch to a semi sweet sex god when you are in pain and high. Not something I plan on making a normal state but good to know never the less.

Realizing I was still resting my hand on his thigh I snatched it away quickly, scooted to the other side of the couch and looked back at the screen which just caused me to raise my hands lightning speed to my eyes and shudder.

"Rachy turn this shit off, it is making me want to be sterilized and Mom will be pissed because she has grandmother fantasies already," I said from behind my hand.

I heard a great suffering sigh and the woman's tortured scream was cut off mid wail.

Cautiously I moved my hand from my eyes and looked around the room again.

"SO why is everyone still here?"

"Kim, you have only been asleep for like two hours, it's only ten." Rachel answered me.

"Oh, well want to play a game or something? I'm still pretty high so I feel like that would be a good plan," Oh joy my on the fritz verbal filter was completely broken.

"Yay! I love playing with high Kim! She is one of my favorites of your personalities." Rachel really needed to stop hopping around.

"Kim how many drugs did the quack give you?" Jacob asked with a slight growl on the word quack sounding like a lion duck hybrid which I honestly thought was hilarious in my current state which led to hysterical tinged laughter that came from my mouth.

"I'm not sure how much Dr. Feu gave to my Kimmy-Cobra but I for one am very happy," Rachel said while clapping her hands. I laughed at the Dr. Feu comment glad I had taken French the first three years of high school.

"Who is Dr. Feu?" Quil asked with a perplexed look.

"Dr. Cullen," Rachel said with a longing sigh.

"Wait what?" Jake added.

"Feu is the French term for fire, which is what he did to my panties, set them a fire."

The boys growled together like the bunch of cock munching gimps they were, but I couldn't get out my awesome insult given I was laughing too much about Rachy's answer and my brains insult maker.

They were still grumbling so I tried to answer them through my laughter.

"I don't know for sure but Dr. Closer was very nice to me."

There we go, finally got that out. This would probably not be as hilarious if I wasn't hopped up on drugs but I honestly couldn't find it in my heart to stop acting the loon.

"Dr. Closer?"

Oh Jake, stop asking questions you really don't want to know the answer to.

"You know, as in I want too fuck you like an animal?" I answered as I walked over to our game cabinet and began looking thorough the games trying to make a decision.

" Kim, I think Jared is going to go kill Dr. Feu if the look on his face is anything to go on," Rachel whispered loudly.

"I don't really care what that ass hole thinks given that I wouldn't have met the delicious Dr. Closer if he hadn't made me have to slap him," I 'whispered' back.

"I did not make you have to slap me," he sounded a bit confused on the wording of his statement.

I grunted noncommittally and pulled out Apples to Apples, because it is quite possibly the best game ever created. That is not the drugs either, I think that straight up sober.

For those of you who have been neglected as children and have never played Apples to Apples let me explain the premise of it. Everyone gets seven red apple cards, one person flips a green card and then they get to judge everyone's answers, and everyone can defend their answers on why theirs should win the green card. Fun simple and almost always hilarity ensues.

So I dealt the cards and flipped the green apple card and waited for everyone's answer so I could pick what I thought was the best answer.

The green card read Dignified and I was really curious as to everyone's answer. I kind of felt like a six year old at four in the morning on Christmas.

Everyone handed me their cards face down and I eagerly read them. I got : The Beatles, Bald Eagles, Anthony Hopkins, Crazy Horse and Pit Bulls. See how weird and fun it is?

"Ok, I get The Beatles, Crazy Horse and Bald Eagles but why Anthony Hopkins and how in the world are Pit Bulls dignified?" I asked as I looked up at the five people surrounding me.

"Are you freaking kidding me Kimmy-Cobra? Read the three little words on the card: stately, honorable, and distinguished. How isn't Anthony Hopkins all those things? I mean he was all those things when he was talking about and actually eating people. Every time I watch that damn movie I feel like he should have a nice Merlot as he rips that guys face off!" Quil finished as he panted in exertion.

I nodded my head agree with everything he had said.

"Ok Kimster so here is how I decided that, you know how I put fear and power together? So I'm looking at my cards and thinking which is really powerful and BAM what is the most feared dog? Motherfucking Pit Bulls plus when you look at them they are all strong and a little royal looking and that is why you have that card," Rachel said gesturing widely with her hands which made me giggle.

I nodded appreciatively looked back at my cards and then said, "While I appreciate your answers, The Beatles is my always-win card because I love them so whoever had The Beatles gets the card."

Rachel having played with me before nodded sadly Embry shrugged and Quil looked so saddened. Jake gave a whoop of joy as he put his green card next to him and Jared opened his big annoyingly beautiful mouth , "Wait can you do that? It seems like cheating to have an always-win card."

I gave him a condescending look and ignored him as everyone took another card to make seven and Jake who was sitting to my left flipped the next card. Cuddly.

I looked at my hand, read my cards and laughingly put my card in the middle.

After a few seconds everyone had put down their cards and Jake chuckled quietly and then asked everyone to explain their card.

"I put down fur because really there is nothing better then like cuddling your pet or a stuffed animal." Jared apparently was the very lame player referred to as a literal thinker.

"I put rubber gloves because they are the best invention ever and deserve a hug given all the disgusting jobs they are forced to do...after being sterilized," Quil said.

"I picked Beauty and the Beast because he is sweet when he's nice and I want to hug him and my reasons that Belle fits that description are triple X and not suited for innocent ears...namely Quil," Embry said and ducked the throw Quil aimed at him.

"I picked communists because I feel like they need to be cuddled because their mothers didn't love then enough as children... at least that goes for Karl Marx," Rachel ever the weirdo said.

"I picked John Glenn because I would totally give him a hug. He looks like a grandpa everyone wants, is a democrat and he flew in space shuttle so maybe I would get some like residual space dust on me."

Jake nodded and handed me the card, I think because of the space dust. Everyone else nodded, again I think because of the space dust and Mr. Literal Thinker had to put in his unasked for two cents, "Mine made sense how does John Glenn make sense?"

"I just explained."

"Because you want residual space dust? The guy was an astronaut in like the seventies or sixties."

"Shut up twat chops you are pissing me off, you sore loser."

The game continued this way (I.E me and Jared fighting after nearly every turn until I was ready to blast 'Another One Bites The Dust' and break my other hand...and maybe a foot) until everyone had left us yelling at each other and started watching the scary vagina monster again.

XXXXXXXXXX

A little known fact? It is impossible to look cool wearing a cast if you are of the female variety. A guy will look like some warrior or something, me? I looked stupid as hell.

Given what I had gotten it from (slapping a guy in the face) made it even lamer, or more awesome I honestly couldn't decide.

So I put on my Don't Hit Kids...No Seriously They Have Guns Now t shit and walked to school since I was afraid that with the cast I would crash Herby and then cry.

I love my Herby.

I got to school and sat down at my commons table and got more pissed off as I noticed that I couldn't draw any of the angry pieces or even make them when I got home. I could still do homework, given that I wrote with my left hand but I drew with my right, and I couldn't hold my punti.

So I sat and stewed and got more and more angry.

Paul came over and sat next to me smiling, which just pissed me off more.

"I heard about your bad ass move sweetie. Want me to sing Scotty Doesn't Know when Jared comes over here?"

That earned a half smile.

"Or I could just bring up all the positions that I can think of from the Karma Sutra and ask you what you think of them?"

I gave him a full smile and a hug, I'm not sure anyone else could have gotten me to smile so quickly and I honestly appreciated it.

"Kim you slut! I thought we were going to be lovers now that you should hate penis given your hand."

"Umm, girls I don't think orientation is dependent on fractured hands," I giggled at them as Liz's rainbow hair flopped into her eyes.

Melody put her sax case on the table next to me. That is the cool thing about my friends they are artistic in their own ways. Mel does sax, Rach knows all kinds of different martial arts and yoga and Lizzie died her own hair in the rainbow that it is now. She also gives kick ass gifts she makes herself, like last year she made me this tied dyed shirt that rocks my hippie socks, or well sandals.

"I alright sax man I put you on the spot but now you are all warmed up and this next one's gonna be hot, kick it sax man," I sang in my best Jack Black voice to Mel.

Melody laughed at me as Paul started scatting in between awkward pauses and whispered curses. I gave him a high five and gave my love out loud to Jack Black and The Lonely Island.

Mel laughed at me before she opened her mouth and began singing, "You don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact sometimes that's not right to do."

Lizzie jumped in, "Sometimes you got to make some love and fuckin' give her some smoochies too. Sometimes you got to squeeze sometimes you got to say please sometimes you got to say."

I leaned over and crooned the words to her, "Hey I'm gonna fuck you softly, I'm gonna screw you gently, I'm gonna hump you sweetly, I'm gonna ball you discretely," Everyone including Paul sang then, " And then you say hey I bought you flowers and then you say wait a minute Sally, I think I got something in my teeth could you get it out for me? That's fucking team work! What's your favorite posish? That's cool with me its not my favorite but I'll do it for you. What's your favorite dish I'm not gonna cook it but i'll order it from Zanzabar and then im gonna love you completely and then ill fuckin fuck you discretely and then I'll fuckin bone you completely but then I'm gonna fuck you haaaaaaaaaaard."

We screamed the last of the lyrics and ended collapsed across the table top in a fit of giggles, tears came to my eyes and my side hurt so bad that I had to stretch while I panted trying to get the oxygen back into my lungs, silently thanking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus for my friends.

Jacob arrived as we were laughing like hyenas and just looked at us like we were high. Speaking of which I think I am going to have to convince Rachel to come home and toke with me again. I didn't do it often but when I did I needed to be with my girl because hilarity ensues.

Example, last time we had been driving around in Herby and every time any car would come by we thought it was a cop so we would literally freeze and hold our breaths until the car passed and the laugh and say how fucking dumb all the people were for not knowing we were high. And at one point I think Rachel yelled fuck the fuzz at a mini van. It was too funny.

Jared came to the table as everyone was looking at me as I tried to explain why I was laughing from my memory of that night.

He looked at me cautiously and for a moment I wondered and then I hit my hand on the table and remembered and got pissed all over and sent him a nasty glare. Oh and he said I was illogical like it was bad during Apples to Apples.

Jack ass.

After the remembrance of my busted dumb looking hand I studiously ignored Jared and talked with my other friends.

He tried to talk to me a couple times through out the day and given that I was probably PMSing and also a five year old I ignored him and once went so far as to cover my ears and chant la la la la la. I know my maturity alone lets me know how ready I am to be an adult.

Don't get me wrong, I will eventually forgive him, start dating him and let him fuck my brains out, maybe get married and have pretty babies... um what was I talking about? Oh yeah but right now boy is going to pay because I am like 72% sure he really likes me and that is like a C so really I have average confidence that he likes me. Much higher then the F I was rocking a few months ago.

XXXXXXXXXX

As the school bell rang letting me know that I was finally allowed to leave this child jail they called school, I made my way home, carefully sidestepping the muddy puddles and thinking about what I could actually do besides homework when I got home.

I had nothing so far besides watch television and dance around in my underwear and a white button down a la Risky Business, which I had seen a while back and had added a do Jared on a subway and or train to my list of running fantasies.

It was pretty extensive.

I got home as my cell began to ring so I sat down under my inclosed porch on the swing and watched the small patters of rain turn into a thundering storm.

"So guess what we are doing on your birthday?" Rachel said instead of a greeting. I had kind of forgotten my birthday was this Thursday.

"Umm, cursing our hangovers, and promising never to drink again even though inside we know we are full of shit. Oh no that will be Saturday so I have no idea."

"Nope. Find a bad ass design sweetheart we are going to get tattoos."

"No fucking way! Rachel you are going to get one too?" Now no one knows better then me how strong of a girl Rach is but the woman was terrified of needles in any form. Screams when she gets shots, cries when they take blood, and passed out after vomiting when she got her ears pierced is her norm for reacting to them so I was honestly surprised that she was going to agree to this.

"Yep, I will probably have to get really drunk or something but I want to do it with you."

It really made me happy that she was willing to do that for me and it caused some very sappy tears to come to my eyes.

Fucking PMS.

I hastily wiped them away and told her in a chocked voice how happy I was that she was my friend to which she replied something along the lines of get the sand out of your vagina and grow a pair. Ah such sweet sentimentality.

"OWW!" she screamed directly into my ear.

"What?" I asked in a slight panic.

"Some guy just fucking kicked me in the face while he was doing a keg stand." I then heard a slight scuffle and a muted ow followed by a watch what you are fucking doing bitch.

I am sincerely thankful she is with me rather then against me.

"Any way I was thinking we could get matching ones so don't pick something gay, like Dilbert or something."

"What the fuck? Dilbert? Please I am way classier, definitely Drew Carey or maybe Sir Didymus."

"Don't tease me like that you know how I feel about The Labyrinth and all things David Bowie."

I laughed quietly and promised her that I would pick out our tattoo as soon as I got off the phone.

After searching for hours I finally found one I thought we both would love.

After Googling I found out that ivy means friendship and fidelity, which honestly was awesome, so I looked for a cool ivy design and found this butterfly one that was really artistic and a bit abstract but was made from ivy. So after messing around on my paint I filled in the leaves with different greens (which is not only the ivy plants leaf color but also one of Rachel and mine favorite color) and sent her an email. She loved it and I settled back into my seat as I waited for her to reply she did quickly with a heart and smile face. I grinned and shut down my computer anxious for Thursday and eternally thankful to my best friend for once again getting me out of my funk.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had successfully ignored Jared's heart breaking puppy dog looks and got had a small birthday party with Mom and Ben who looked like they were slowly taking care of their relationship on their own (I saw Mom hold his hand and blush, aww) and thanked them both for the gifts, an IPAD, and an easel and paints respectively and then showed them our tattoo design.

Mom shook her head in disapproval and Ben lifted his shirt and showed me a Tweetie Bird he had got on a drunken dare in college that made its home next to his belly button causing all of us to laugh.

Rachel rang the bell and I gave them a wave and told them to behave as I ran out to meet her and she gave me a quick hug before we climbed into her Taurus and drove off.

"So I have another surprise besides buying your tattoo." She gave me a wicked smile and pulled a joint out of her purse and a lighter.

I laughed appreciatively and lit the joint listening to the crackle and inhaled the slightly sweet smoke and held it in my lungs and passed it to her as I exhaled feeling the calm go through my system.

After toking a few more hits and stubbing out the roach we eased back and shared a cigarette as we listened to I Am The Walrus calm and happy.

Oh and the Beatles are even better when high... although most things are.

Rachel pulled into the tattoo shop in Port Angeles and we slowly (at least that how it felt given our buzz) into the shop.

A very hot tattooed man with black spiky hair and a lip ring sat behind the counter and gave us a semi condescending smile as he gestured us forward. His look just made me want to laugh, which I did.

"How can I help you ladies?" he said in a gravely voice.

"Well," Rachel leaned forward reading the small name tag he was sporting, "Gabe, my birthday girl best friend and I are here to get a bitching butterfly tat."

I giggled at all the B words she used in that sentence and pulled out my I.D when he asked for it.

We were joined by a girl who's hair reminded me of Lizzie then made out way to the back and took our respective seats as the tattoo artists applied the stencils to our skin, mine on my left shoulder and Rachel's on her right shoulder and then the buzzing of the tattoo guns began and I leaned into the padded chair as the first pricks began.

Now I'm not sure if it was because I was high but I was just annoyed at the small bee sting like thing going on my back.

Rachel began humming I Am The Walrus again and I gave a small giggle being careful not to move.

My skin had gone numb by the time Gabe gave my tat a quick wipe and handed me a hand held mirror before directing me to a full length mirror and telling me to check it out.

Although the skin was red and irritated it looked so great that my breath whooshed out in happiness, he taped it up with this gauze covering and I gave him a big hug as we left after Rachel payed.

We got back in the car and I smoked the rest of Mary Jane alone, Rachel stating that she was good and then made the way back to the house.

I gave her a careful hug and a kiss on the cheek and then slightly stumbled out of the car giggling all the way.

I waved goodbye to Rachel until her headlights disappeared and started toward my door.

A shadowed figure stepped out from behind a tree and I had to stifle a slight scream that was made worse by the paranoia I was experiencing thanks to the weed.

I saw Jared in cut off shorts and said the first thing that came to my mind.

"Why are you always around when I am fucked up."

**A.N Yay another chapter, slight filler maybe but don't worry out love pups are going to get their shit... mostly worked out soon.**

**Liz, Melody and the girls' tat are all on my profile if you want to see them:)**

**Sooo ever took a trip on the ganja train? LOL**

**XOXO Mel**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Don't own, never will c'est la vie.**

**Ok reviewers you make me feel like dancing! Beachbunny24, justareaderfan, 1stp Klosr, candyland 426, laurazuleta18, OoOMerry-had-a-little-lambOoO, blondie01, The all mighty and powerfulM, i loved it, Ejacob24, and last but certainly not least Ali Edward Cullen.**

Chapter 9: A Naked Jared

_REcap: Why are you always around when I am fucked up?_

KPOV

Jared looked at me with a raised eyebrow after I practically yelled the question at him like a complete psycho but to be totally honest I was paranoid so I began thinking maybe he was like undercover as a high school student and was working with the police...or a newspaper and was going to do an expose and then turn me into the fuzz...hehe fuzz.

Then the semi sober part of my brain told me to stop being psycho, and to stop watching Never Been Kissed because obviously I could not handle it.

"Umm, I don't know why I am always around when you are fucked up... it seems like it happens a lot though, but that isn't why I am here."

Psh it does not happen a lot, I think it happens an average amount. Besides the fact that my buzz is quickly disappearing. Oh he is still talking out of you head Kimberley.

"So I am really sorry about your hand Kim, and I don't like fighting with you... like at all, I really really like you." He looked at me so sincerely that I took a step closer to him without thinking about it.

"-and I know that you are pissed at me. I really do get it, but Kim it makes my... heart hurt knowing that you are mad at me. I mean you didn't even tell me that it was your birthday! I would have gotten you a present because I am really glad that you were born."

He kept rambling, gesturing with his hands as a huge cheese-tastic grin spread across my face not only from his words but at how honestly flustered he seemed. It felt surprisingly marvelous that Jared was this discombobulated by me after all the years he had disturbed me in ways that I'm not sure even I fully understand.

"It just feels like you are going to hate me forever and Kim that is just not ok because I have a very strong uh, pull to you and it's like impossible for me to even sleep when you so out-rightly ignore mph-" he tried to keep talking for a moment after I smashed my lips onto his but it was impossible since the opening of his lips was a temptation that a woman stronger then me would have had to resist. As the kiss deepened further, and his arms wrapped around my body pulling me fully against the strong muscled form he was rocking, colors began to swirl in my head, pinks that were soft and comforting like a hug, blues that had a calming affect on me while vibrant reds stirred my blood, yellows so warm they melted the small bits of ice I had tried to keep erected around my heart and greens the color that surrounded his pupil finally allowed me to surrender to the pull Jared had around my heart, and in that moment I knew that I had changed. And I swear that I saw baby Jesus and he gave me a thumbs up.

At this surrender, terrifying as it was, I put my full weight into the kiss and into him and he held me up, strongly, securing me to him in a moment and sighed into my mouth and rubbed his smooth tongue against mine as if assuring me that I wasn't placing my faith in hands that would take it lightly. That he understood how much vulnerability I was allowing myself to be in and he would protect me.

We pulled apart a few inches and he leaned his forehead on mine as we panted together, his heat seeping into my bones and most importantly my heart.

I placed my hand on his heart and gave a small smile to feel it racing in tandem with mine, as if they were communicating to each other.

I pulled my head back a little and whispered in a small voice that surprised me, "Don't regret it this time okay?"

He pulled me tighter to him by his arms that were wrapped around my waist and hugged me for a long time and whispered back, "I didn't regret it the first time Kimmy, I thought that I had messed up or took advantage of you."

I sighed softly, blissed out beyond belief that it had just been a misunderstanding on both our parts, and put my head on his shoulder as I asked him he wanted to go sit down.

He said yes and I led him to the swinging seat on my porch and curled into his side wrapped under his warm arm that fought off the cold wind of the night.

"Thank you for forgiving me," he said with a whispered kiss against my hair.

I looked at him and gave a small faux surprised look, "Who said that I forgave you? I just like your lips."

He looked shocked for a moment and the laughed and hugged me closer to him, "You just have to be a smart ass all the time, don't you?"

I shrugged and then gave a solemn nod confirming his suspicions.

He chuckled again and we sat together rocking slowly back in forth as the stars twinkled above us.

"So want to go on a date?" He said quietly.

"Yeah." And that was all that needed to be said at that moment.

XXXXXXXX

You know in Bring It On when Torrance dances like a crazy person to Cliff's tape?

Yeah I went full out dancing in my bedroom after he left. Although I didn't do it to You're Just What I Need... nope I danced like a crazy person to You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, after leaving a long, excited and yelled message on Rachel's cell phone.

"You got a cute way of talking. You got the better of me. Just snap your fingers and I'm walking, like a dog hanging on your leash, I'm a spin you know," I sang at the top of my lungs as I shaked my ass.

He told me that he would pick me up on Saturday around nine in the morning and to wear something comfortable.

Please just squeal with me for a moment!

I finally flopped back on my bed and gazed at the glow in the dark stars I had placed there years ago in a few constellations and sighed happily remembering just a few hours ago I had been looking at Orion's belt with Jared.

I fell asleep with his name whispered and a smile across my lips.

XXXXXXXX

At school the next day I blushed and smiled at Jared secretively. Well not too secretive since all my friends noticed and asked me what the hell was wrong with me, but I thought I was being covert.

Jared just gave a huge smile th whole time that I was positive had to be killing his face by the end of the day.

We walked out of the school together and Jared nudged my shoulder when he asked me if I wanted a ride home causing heat and fire to quickly spread through my body as my nerve endings remembered his kisses and touches from yesterday.

I told him that I had brought Herby, but if he wanted to he could come over. He looked a bit dejected as he told me he had to go and work after school, but reminded me to be ready early tomorrow for our date.

It could have been in my mind but I think he stressed the word date... I know I was stressing it.

SQUEE.

So with our date on my mind, I walked into my room on a cloud of happiness and then realized something dire.

I. HAD. NO. IDEA. WHAT. TO. WEAR!

So, being the complete certifiable crazy person I was, I sprinted to my room sliding across the hard wood floor and smacking into my closet door, earning a resounding groan from me, before stepping back and flinging it open to look through my many clothes.

What to wear, what to wear? I wish I had someone close by to tell me what to wear...or Stacy and Clinton to tell me what not to wear.

Be calm Kim. Let's start easy. He said 'wear something comfortable you sexy love machine'.

I may be adding some things to it, but whatever.

So jeans are the way to go. But we don't have to look like a mom in our jeans so those are out, and so are these because they are saggy, those are out because I think the pocket design makes my but look wide...

This went on for a few hours until I had a bed full of discarded jeans and held one last pair in my hands.

Aha yes my favorite-looking-good-Kimtastic, jeans.

I think all women have something in their closet that just makes them feel good on the inside when they wear it and these jeans are mine.

I had gotten them on a shopping excursion with Rachel in Seattle at a small boutique. They were medium wash skinny jeans with a lace floral design that went down the legs.

Best part about them? They made my legs look even longer and made my ass look like it was manna from heaven. I say that last part because four separate people had told me they wanted to take a bite out of it.

And only Rachel was a person I knew.

So the pants decided I went back into the bottomless closet and repeated my crazy train on my tops. Some were too dressy, some were completely inappropriate, and some sent the wrong message (I.E I wish I could stomach tacos my life would be so much easier... it wasn't talking about the delicious Mexican dish) until the end I had three shirts lying before me on the mountain clothes on my poor bed.

Although my Betsey Johnson shirt was awesome wearing a Guys heart B.J shirt on the first date may be wrong.

So I picked up my pretty flowy shirt that had the melted rainbow on it and decided it would go well with my jeans.

Alrighty Kimmy home stretch just shoes accessories and a bag.

GO KIM... and maybe we can let Jared touch me later.

So ignoring Chloe's input I turned back to my closet and went searching.

I finally found my black peep toe heels with the pink accents and decided that my black and pink plaid bangle would go nicely.

To finish I decided to use my silver glitter knuckle bag... just to you know be awesome, I mean I was dressed in flowered lace and a rainbow, adding brass knuckles that were silver and glittery just made sense.

Right?

I was all set for my date, I looked at my Invader Zim clock with Gir riding the pig, that was in fifteen hours.

God I am too school for cool.

So, after putting all my discarded clothes back on their hangers in my closet, I sat down on my bed already feeling bored out of my mind, because I probably have some form of undiagnosed ADHD and tried to think of what I could do right now, because the boy had made me break my hand on his face making it impossible for me to work in my glass house.

He is so unbelievably lucky he is so incredibly hot.

I suddenly got an idea that sounded so bad ass I wanted to scream.

I called Jake and asked him if he, Quil and Embry were busy when he said no, I told him to come over with the walkie-talkies as soon as possible.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Which is how I ended up outside, in the cold, crouched behind a tree, dressed all in black with coal smudged on my face and red and purple paint in splats across my chest, clutching a water gun full of paint and a water proof walkie-talkie, as I baited my cohorts with their code names and tried not to give my position away.

Yeah, we are cool like that.

"Come in Pink Toothbrush, come in Pink Toothbrush," Jake's voice came over the crackling of the walkie-talkie. We had divided into teams and were on our private station.

"This is, Pink Toothbrush, what do you need Rare Shower?" I asked in a voice just one notch above a whisper.

"Oh nothing Pink Toothbrush, I just thought you should know that Hideous Alien Breeze has discovered your coordinates and is T Minus thirty seconds from getting you."

Oh ho Quil thinks he has the scoop on me does he?

"Rare Shower, lets move into evasive maneuver Red Mercury Dalmatian."

I got a whispered affirmative and an over and out before I silently crawled over to the bush that was about five yards from where I squatted.

I got there just I saw and heard someone 'covertly' break through the trees and mutter an explicative.

The figure walked slowly towards where I was hiding looking up towards the second level where my room was with the lights on giving minimal illumination to the yard below.

As soon as he walked by my hiding place I jumped out and sprayed him with all the power of the turbo super soaker, firing with the finger that wasn't encased in plaster and when he turned around I noticed that not only was it not Quil, or Embry but it was a once again hot topless Jared who was now fatally wounded with pink paint.

Shit!

"Did you get him, Pink Toothbrush?" Jake's voice came out of my pocket.

I quickly pulled it out and said, "Rare Shower, it was not Hideous Alien Breeze it is Jared whom we really should get to the medic station."

Jacob's laughter could be heard from across the yard.

"What in the world are you doing?" Jared asked just as I felt cold paint being gunned at my back.

I, being dramatic, clutched my side and moaned loudly, "I have been hit, it is up to you... now... Rare... Shower," and then theatrically fell to the ground.

Jake yelled in fictitious pain and then a war cry sounded from behind me and from across the yard.

Jared just stood there looking like a confused man... which I think is a rather apt description.

Quil rushed over to me and yelled across the yard, "Well done, Lonesome Xylophone we are victorious! I told you Maneuver Fuchsia Monkey Dahlia would work!"

"That you did Hideous Alien Breeze but I told you allowing Love Struck Gaga to walk into the line of fire would serve our ultimate goal."

"There is something seriously wrong with all of you," Jared muttered as he picked me up from the wet ground and lead me toward the group.

He hit Quil upside the head and then we went up to the back gazebo and opened the thermos of hot chocolate Mom had set out, and curled up under the blankets.

"Oh hey what are you doing here?" I asked suddenly remembering that Jared was here uninvited.

Not that his sexy ass needed an invitation.

He was sitting beside me as we drank the cocoa and playing with my hair absentmindedly, making Cleo stand up and give a salute making me all mushy and electric feeling at the same time, as he answered, "Oh I was just in the neighborhood."

I may not be Einstein but even I didn't buy that he would be in the very remote 'neighborhood' I lived in, given that the closest neighbor was a few blocks away.

" I invited him," Jacob yelled after looking at the suspicious expression on my face.

That I could believe but Jake looked so nervous that it put me on edge.

What were they hiding?

I shrugged it off for the meantime and snuggled closer to the heat Jared was giving off. I had always been a bit of a freeze baby and combined with the wet and cold I was shivering from the warmth he was now generating into my body.

I curled even closer up against him and felt my eyes start to droop.

"Guys, I think it is time to go, Kim is tired and we have a date to go on tomorrow early."

Yes sexy disembodied Jared voice I do have a date with you.

I think he might have walked me to my room, because the last thing I remembered was a soft bed beneath me, and a whispered see you tomorrow Kimmy before I drifted into dreams with Jared starring.

A naked Jared.

XXXXXXXXXX

**A.N Lovelies what did you think, you excited for their date?**

**I am.**

**OK best date you can imagine?**

**Reviews = maybe a sex dream let me know if that is something you are interested in.**

**XOXO Mel**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Blah blah Don't own anything blah blah**

**Reviewers who have gotten me over the 100 mark, this first bit is all for you!**

**Beachbunny24, laurazuleta18, justareaderfan, Ejacob24, blondiee01, candyland 426, tigerisbomb, addcleric, OoOMerry-had-a-little-lambOoO, Ali Edward Cullen, 11ali26, moonluver26, The all mighty and powerfulM, 1stp Klosr, and Ariel Mermaid!**

**Chapter 10: He Kissed Like An Animal**

**SEX DREAM AHOY!**

KPOV

I laid tied to the bed, my dress shredded in rags as I waited for the captain.

The door burst from it's frame and he swagger in. His tight deerskin britches accentuating his strong muscular thighs and obvious arousal. I shuttered in wanton pleasure.

"Do ye ken you're crime Kissing Kim?" He said as he came closer to the bed I was tied to.

"Aye, I fell for a villain."

"Who be that Kim?"

"You," I whispered.

His eyes darkened as he came closer and I felt heat flash through my body as his hot gaze traveled across my torn garment.

He threw his captains hat off his head and then sat at the edge of the bed.

I felt his warm hands slide up my legs as the ship swayed in time with the ocean.

He murmured my name as he kissed the back of my knee, sending shivers to go running through my body as I felt myself flush in arousal at the picture of him between my thighs.

I moaned his name as he kissed his way across my thighs, getting closer and closer to my core and causing his buckskin britches to glide across my heated skin.

He was met with my wetness as he got to the outside of my mound and moaned sending vibrations through me and getting a groan for his effort.

I felt his breath blow hotly across my lips causing me to quiver and move my legs restlessly.

"Is this what you want Kimmy?" he purred up at me his gaze connecting with my glazed one.

"Yes, Jared, yessss."

The ships constant movements turned more violent and I heard the first mate call my name, but I couldn't have cared less as he took Cleo into his mouth, and began sucking as I arched closer to him trying to get him ever closer to where I wanted him to take me.

The ship suddenly gave a jerk and I sat up and looked around at... my bedroom.

Fuck I was having a pirate fantasy.

Damn that was hot, when Jared and I start having sex I am so going to find those britches... and the hat that was in the corner. Fuck hot.

I looked over and saw, Rachel there looking at me amused as she said, "Yar ye be having a swell dream arr."

Did I say something about Pirate Jared?

Better question what the fuck is Rach doing here? So I asked it.

"Hmm, oh I am here because Dad wants Jacob and I have a family dinner tonight or something, I don't know and I thought I would stop by and fuck with you before your date with Jared the swashbuckling marauder of Kim's panties and virtue."

I did not say all that... I hate the word panties.

I looked at the clock and seeing that it was eight I screeched like a wet cat and jumped from my bed running into my bathroom with a see ya Rach, thrown over my shoulder and jumped into the shower without letting it warm up first, which accomplished two things.

Made me loose the last of my hormones and allowed me to emit a screech so loud I think my mirror cracked.

"Bye freak, and if that was you coming you have got serious issues," I heard her shout through the door as my bedroom door slammed. Worst best friend ever.

I quickly finished showering, hustled my ass out of the shower and put on my bra and boy shorts, all while untangling the knots on my head.

I have major multitasking skills.

After getting out all the tangles I put in some of my leave in conditioner (that smells like happiness and rainbows) and went into my bedroom to get dressed.

I looked at Gir and saw that I only had about twenty minutes left before Jared would get here and thanked my neurotic mess of a brain for making me pick my outfit yesterday.

I got into my clothes and then heard the door bell ring through the house, making me quickly throw on some chapstic and pack my purse before sprinting down the stairs so quickly that a drag queen would have applauded.

I ran down the hall my heels clacking all the way and pulled open the door so quickly that it smacked into the wall and rebounded, hitting me on the ass, which consequently made me fall forward into Jared.

He looked down at me with an amused smile and said, "I'm happy to see you to Kimmy."

I chuckled awkwardly, heat flushing through me as I remembered my dream, god those britches, took a step back and looked at him.

He was wearing snug jeans and a tight black t shirt that had my mouth watering with how good he looked in it.

I sighed quietly and then noticed that clutched in his hand were lavender roses.

I smiled at them and then looked at him in astonishment.

"Hi." Eloquent as always Kimberley.

He gave me a smile and thrust the roses at me before smiling a deliciously boyish grin and murmuring, "These are for you."

My smile became even bigger as I gestured him to follow me and put the roses in to a vase that I got out of the kitchen.

We smiled at each other awkwardly before he clapped his hands loudly, earning a gasp and jump from me, while saying that we had to hit the road.

I followed him obediently as I looked at his ass.

Ah deerskin, the other white meat. Don't judge me walk behind Jared, look at his ass and see if you don't want to take a bite.

Maybe I do need to see a therapist.

I mentally shrugged at my cerebral lunacy and walked over to where Jared held the door for me and a bit ungracefully climbed into the cab.

Jared closed my door as I buckled my seat belt, my inner girly girl silently squealing about his gentleman like behavior, as he climbed in (much more gracefully then I did I sadly and a bit enviously noticed) started the car and we were off.

We sat quietly for a while in not awkward but not exactly comfortable silence before I had a great idea which I yelled like the total spaz I am, "Want to play 20 questions? !"

I mentally smacked my head at my craziness.

Jared looked over at me with a smile and said yes.

"Ok, I will go first. What super power would you most like to have and why?" Good question Kim, not totally random, my brain was trying to convince me.

"Hmm, well I guess flying. If I could fly I could go wherever I wanted and I love the feeling of the wind rushing through my hair." Good answer that is what I would have chosen too.

"What cartoon character would you want to be and why?"

"Hmm, I feel like either Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Catwoman. Raphael because he was my favorite character for ever and I love how bad ass he is with those daggers, fun tidbit Rach and I have a bet going that when we have kids I will name one Raphael and she will name one Leonardo, and Catwoman because she is just super sexy but can kick anyone's ass and I think she is much better for Superman then Lois Lane because she keeps him on his toes and isn't the constant damsel in distress."

He nodded with a smile smile on his face and I was glad that he liked my answers. My turn, "Do you believe in ghosts?"

He paused for a moment a thoughtful expression that was actually really hot, like a dom who was trying to decide what to do next which really turned me on...MMM Dom Jared he opened his very kissable lips and said, " I don't not believe in them, but I'm not sure if I believe in them either. I know that there are things out there that can't be explained away and if ghosts are a part of that too, I wouldn't be surprised...although not much surprises me any more, other then you."

He winked at me!

"Ok ninjas or pirates and why?"

"Pirates. They get booty and not just treasure." That answer made me smack my forehead and simultaneously remember my dream which made me move uncomfortably in my seat while he gave a whooping laugh and hit the steering wheel.

Danger! Danger! Divert attention.

"You are about to walk the green mile, what is your last meal?"

"Hmm right now? Pancakes." he said as he pulled into a diner.

Yay breakfast!

We walked into the diner and the woman behind the counter literally fluffed her breasts as she saw Jared walk through the door. She gave me a hostile glance, found me lacking I guess and put on her big girl flirting thong.

Bitch.

Jared walked up and said we would need a table for two as she batted her stumpy eyelashes at my man.

I really wanted to grab her hair and slam it into the hostess counter. I tensed as she dragged her acrylic nails across his arm and said something that I couldn't hear thanks to the roaring rage I had in my head but I am sure it was something skanky.

Big fake titted bitch.

Jared pulled his arm away from her reach and wrapped it around my waist as he pulled me closer to his side causing me to relax into him.

She looked shocked for a moment, gave me the stink eye and lead us to a booth in the corner.

We sat down and she left us after I gave her a bitchy little wave to which she responded with a little huff that was ridiculous.

Yeah keep walking bitch.

A really hot guy with black hair and blue eyes came over to our table and set down water and menus before asking me what I would like to drink.

I say me instead of Jared because he only looked at me with a look so lascivious it made me blush.

I looked at the menu and asked for a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice.

He smiled at me before turning to Jared and asking for his drink order with a bored look.

I had to hold in my giggle at Jared's pissed off answer of coffee. He looked like coffee was the devil's drink.

The guy left after a wink in my direction which again made me blush and look down at the table before looking back up at Jared, who was kind of vibrating with anger.

"You ok?" I asked my voice chocked from trying top keep my giggles at bay.

"It is fucking obvious that I am with you right now! What the hell is wrong with him?" he huffed as his hands slowly stopped shaking as he looked at me, his lips twitching because of my own smile.

"Hmm, probably the same problem the hostess was afflicted with, " I said on a half laugh half growl.

Jared sighed and grabbed my hand that was sitting on the table top in a possessive gesture that I really liked and annoyed me a little at the same time. It wasn't like I was going to run a way and elope with the waiter.

Gabe, as his name tag read sat down out drinks before looking at me again and asking if I was ready to order.

I smothered my smile as Jared's hand tightened around mine and looked at the menu quickly before I ordered a country omelet with tomatoes and hollindase sauce on the side, hash-browns very crispy and wheat toast.

Gabe smiled at me told me that it was an excellent choice and that I obviously was the kind of woman who knew what she wanted before again turning his head slightly towards Jared and boredly asking him what he wanted.

I think he may have just barely stopped himself from asking what the hell he wanted but I couldn't be positive.

Without taking his eyes from mine, he order an enormous amount of food. Seriously he ordered strawberry pancakes, the eggs Benedict, three large eggs (scrambled with cheese) breakfast potatoes, four slices of bacon, four sausage links, country fried steak, hash browns, biscuits and country gravy, white toast and a mammoth blueberry muffin.

Oh and a glass of milk with the meal.

I sat with my mouth wide open at the order and dodge my eyes over to Gabe who had a glazed look on his face, nodded in stupefaction and turned toward the kitchen.

"Can you really eat that much?" I asked in awe.

Jared blushed which was unbearably adorable and nodded.

"Wow, so do you have like a tapeworm or something? Because I am pretty sure you should way like seven thousand pounds." I couldn't help it, I had _seen_ the boy's six pack!

He chuckled and shook his head as his thumb caressed my palm which made me hyper aware of his body, six pack _definitely_ included.

"So want to go back to playing our game now that the flirtatious retards are gone," he asked me. His mouth may have been saying we should talk but Cleo was reading his eyes and they were telling her that his hand would rather be caressing something else.

Namely her.

I smiled my brain apparently barely able to function and asked, "Who's turn was it?"

"My turn to ask a question, " he said as he looked at me, "Have you ever wished to be born the opposite sex?"

"Yes," was my quick reply, please don't ask why please don't ask why.

"Why?"

Fuck he just had to ask why. "Well a guy always gets off without too much work, and I think that would be awesome."

I had to say it. It really was the only reason! I hadn't meant to bring sex into this... but that was the reason.

He blinked at me a couple times and then laughed, "Well, I for one am very glad you were born a female."

I smiled at him and thought of a quick question to divert his attention, "What would you rather have, 100 million dollars, or true love. And why?"

"True love, I... think... that if I ever felt real true love, I wouldn't want to ever let it go for anything."

He kind of stumbled over the word think which was odd but his answer made me melt in a puddle of awed girl.

Gabe suddenly appeared, breaking the moment (tool) with our food on two trays, I had kind of forgotten about the food let alone the mass quantities and chuckled quietly as he and a girl carrying the second tray, set it all down on the table before asking if we need anything else and leaving after we told him no.

We ate, me slowly, Jared at hyper speed and ended up finishing at about the same time.

He payed for our meal and held my hand as we walked out to his truck.

The thing about breakfast is that it makes me incredibly sleepy. Practically the minute we got into the truck and he turned the hot air on, the soothing voice of Nora Jones coming through the radio, the rumble of the engine and... I... just...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I woke up as we were pulling into a parking lot and for a second I was confused and then I wanted to smack myself in the forehead.

I had slept for, I looked at the clock radio, four hours.

Wait FOUR HOURS? Where the hell were we? Canada?

I must have had a panicked look on my face because Jared said, "Good morning star shine, don't freak we are still in Washington."

I smiled at him and looked at the building we were in front of.

It looked like... a greenhouse?

"Jared, where are we?" I asked.

"We are at Bonsai Northwest, I called ahead and they are going to teach us all about Bonsai plants and then we get to take one home."

"Cool!" I meant it. I had actually wanted a bonsai tree for a long time, they were so odd and awesome, the plant version of me if you will. I gave him a huge appreciative smile and climbed out of the truck before he could open the door for me and hopped in place, partly because of the sudden cold, but mostly because of the excitement I was feeling.

I grabbed Jared's hand and practically pulled him into the store.

Every surface had a tiny little tree and it was amazing. Some were really tiny, some had curved trunks, some had flowers, but all of them were amazing.

A pretty older lady with long white hair that went to her waist and blue eyes so clear they were like looking through cobalt glass smiled at us.

"Hi, I'm Jared Hall, I called yesterday?" Jared said to her.

"Well hello loves, welcome, welcome. Here to get some training and pick out a plant huh?" she said with a large smile as she came around the corner and hollered into the back of the store for a 'Tony'.

An older gentleman came out and gave us a huge grin before manning the counter and giving us a wave as Jolene or Jo, as she told us to call her, led us into the back where pots, and soil and small trees and other things littered the large table that took up most of the room.

"Alright loves, a little background on all things bonsai. Bonsai comes from the Japanese word that literally means planted in a container. They are unbelievably fascinating plants, because with the right care you can get a full grown lets say weeping willow tree that in about a foot and a half tall."

She further went into detail about the history of the bonsai trees (which actually come from China) and then had us get out hands dirty.

She gave us small pots and had us put some gavel on the bottom carefully telling us how much then on top of the gravel went akadema this weird like clay stuff and compost then went some dirt and fertilizer and then the akadema and compost blend went on top.

All the while Jo told us about the importance of specific care for the bonsai plants before and after they started to grow.

Jared smiled at me as I listened closely and I couldn't help but give his lips a quick peck and a thank you when Jo went to go talk to Tony quickly.

Jo returned and saw that we had finished and told us that what we had just planted, with careful care would be a full grown bonsai in about 10 to 40 years.

I looked at the little plant in shock and looked back up at Jo.

She smiled at me as she said, "Luckily you can also use cuttings, but now how would you like to choose your tree?"

I nodded in excitement and we followed behind after washing our hands and splashing some water at each other, drying them and then clasping them together.

I looked around and saw all kinds that I liked but when I came in front of one that was so unbelievably gorgeous I hopped up and down telling Jared this was the one.

We made it back up to the counter to pay for my tree (which was a Tree Wisteria) I saw a surprising thing on the desk.

One of my glass paperweights!

I got excited and told Jared that it was one of the pieces I had sold through the art gallery Jared smiled at me and told Jo.

She was shocked, I guess because I was so young.

What was even more amazing was that she told me if I would make her a piece, anything I liked, for her I could have my tree for free.

I readily agreed and told her that as soon as I got home I would send her one.

She thanked me and sent us home with a print off of proper care.

"Kim, I am going to geek out on you for a second. How fucking cool was that? ! Jo has a piece of your art! You are like famous, which means I am on a date with a hot famous person. Man I wonder if this is what K Fed felt like when he was married to Brittany? Like awesome and also a total loser. Except he actually is a loser."

Did Jared just pull a Kim patented verbaly ralph?

I smiled at how sweet he was and stood up on my tip toes and kissed his big goofy grin.

He tasted like maple syrup and spearmint a surprisingly delicious combination.

"Was this to get me to shut up?" he mumbled around my mouth.

I pulled back a bit and grinned into his face and shook my head slowly.

"Did I just word vomit?"

I nodded.

"Was I dumb?"

I shook my head.

"Should I stop talking and kiss you properly?"

I nodded and flung myself back into his strong arms completely content in this strange boy who I was fastly approaching the big L with.

I couldn't decide if my price in shining armor was a retard in tinfoil but I did know that he did not kiss like a prince. It was hungry, savage and had plundering, making me yearn for more.

He kissed like an animal.

**A.N Yay first date!**

**Picture of the Bonsai and Kim's outfit on my page.**

**Did you like? We are slowly getting to the big reveal and Paul and Rachel's first meeting (snicker).**

**Question... Is it dumb that I am listening to Christmas music on the radio a couple weeks before Thanksgiving?**

**Leave a review darlings!**

**XOX Mel**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own umm a Jack Skellington Pillow and slippers that ROCK but nothing else.**

**Ahh Reviewers, I heart you! candyland 426, OoOMerry-had-a-little-lambOoO, justareaderfan, Beachbunny24, The all mighty and powerfulM, laurazuleta18, ArielMermaid, 1stp Klosr, surferchickk525, blondiee01, Ali Edward Cullen, and the epic reviewer ****D R O W N-I N-S E Q U I N S!**

**Chapter 11: So You Wanna Use My Employee Discount To Get A Vibrator?**

**KPOV**

So after what was probably the coolest date ever, Jared drove me home, all the while talking and holding hands. His extreme heat making me feel secure until AGAIN I fell asleep.

God I should check with a doctor to see if I have narcolepsy.

At the door if my house he got out, opened my door and walked me to the stairs.

I looked up into his gorgeous eyes and felt my heart get bigger in my chest at the emotions I saw there.

"Kim, that was the most fun I have ever had with anyone," he whispered, not taking his eyes from mine.

I think I may have breathed something along the lines of me too but I can't be sure.

"Kim, I know that I am a total dork, I watch the Big Bang Theory religiously, have in fact said Bazinga and often snort when I laugh as you sadly have probably noticed, but I really lo- like you and I want you to take a chance on me, would you be my girlfriend?" he asked nervously, but his eyes didn't move and really how could I say no to this amazing boy.

I kissed him with all the ardor I was feeling, leaning into him and just feeling him. My heart was bursting in my chest, my nerve endings standing on end and when he pulled back and held me to his chest I panted into his shoulder.

"I'm hoping that was a yes?"

"Only if you say bazinga," I said into his neck as I smiled in total contentment.

He did and the huge grin that crossed my face just made me hold him tighter.

He kissed my nose before letting me go and walked me to the door, before giving me a chaste peck and whispering "bye girlfriend" and walking away while whistling.

I smiled at his dorkiness, and opened the front door, where I saw my mother MAKING OUT WITH BEN! Against the closet door, for shame.

They pulled apart quickly and each looked at the floor in embarrassment at being caught by the daughter I suppose.

Trying to contain my laughter and smile as I sternly said, "How long has this been going on?"

"Since Halloween," my mother whispered as she scuffed her high heels and the hard wood floor, acting like a teenager caught by her parents.

You have no idea how hard it was to hold back the smile.

"Benjamin, what are your intentions towards my mother?" Don't laugh Kim, don't smile, and whatever you do, do not hug them yet.

"Um, well we are sort of boyfriend and girlfriend and I really like her a lot," He said while he too scuffed his shoe and wrung his hands.

I couldn't hold it in anymore and ran towards them in happiness and gave them a big hug together.

"I'm so happy!"

"Really?" Mom said, slowly returning from the nervous teenager.

"Yeah, I have known since I was like ten that I wanted you two to be together! I mean I love Ben."

Ben's arm tightened around me and Mom started to laugh and mutter something about all the worrying for nothing.

"One request, don't make out in the hallway, Jared _my boyfriend_ could have seen you."

Mom squealed and jumped around in a circle with me and Ben got his paternal look on that he has been giving me since I first told him I was going to marry Nick Carter. He may not have been my biological father but Benny has been filling the protective roll well.

I kissed both their cheeks while whispering how happy I was for them and left them to go to my bedroom and call Rachel.

She answered on the first ring and instead of a greeting I said, "Well, no reason for Operation Old People Love anymore."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

You know when you are really happy and time speeds up? I hate that. It's like oh shitty things are going on with you lets make 24 hours into 100 and oh your happy blink and it's gone.

Jared and I spent all the time that we could together but sometimes he would have to leave like crazy fast and that was annoying. But he held hands with me, laughed with me, and was friends with Paul again after some macho mumbo jumbo that I didn't understand in the least.

Thanksgiving passed without much to do, except for Rachel showing up in full Comanche brave costume (which was weird enough given that we were Quilietes) and yelling about how I had stolen her land, before coming into the dining room, where Billy, Jacob, Ben and my mom were and piling food onto her plate with a grin and a 'how has everyone been'. The freak.

Mom and Ben went on dates so often that I thought maybe they had moved in together and decided to leave the house to me, which now that I have a boyfriend who I can make out with all the time was fine with me.

So here I sat straddling the Adonis of male perfection below me who was slowly inching his hands above my shirt, making my nipples hard enough to cut glass when he tilted his head and groaned as he pulled his lips and tongue from mine.

I shook my head with my eyes closed and leaned towards him, seriously not wanting this to be over with. I mean I was on fire and I know he felt it too, because his very impressive boner was pressing against my jean's inseam, making me all kinds of turned on.

"Kim, ugh I have to go."

"No, no you don't, Mom is going to Ben's tonight for "in depth' financial advice, so she probably won't be home until like three in the morning you definitely do not have to go," I rambled as I pressed myself closer to Cleo's new best friend and swayed my hips back and forth against him, causing me to moan and him to groan at the amazing feeling.

"No, no I have to leave now."

He lifted me off him and onto the seat next to him as he stood up. I could barely think as he gave me a reluctant quick kiss and ran to the door.

"Are you for fucking real right now?" I yelled after he slammed door.

"I'm going to buy a vibrator and then I won't reed a boyfriend anymore."

Feeling unbelievably frustrated I walked to the door and opened it remembering that I had drove his cock blocking..well Cleo blocking ass here and saw that he was gone.

That was when I heard the wolves howling, sounding dangerously close to my house and in my state of anger I yelled, "Shut the fuck up you over grown chihuahuas!" Before slamming the door, and since it felt so good I opened the door and slammed it again.

Then in my tantrum state I stomped back to the den and sat down to watch some movie.

I pressed play and threw my head back into the padding and groaned. Now I was alone, pissed off and horny as hell. I mean we hadn't gone past heavy snogging but come on! Who the hell leaves in the middle of dry humping their girlfriend.

He almost touched my breasts for the first time and he skedaddles? I looked at my hand, grateful that I got to have it taken off on Saturday because now it was past the land of scratch and into the state of fucking itchy.

Also I was having major withdrawals from my glass house. I went in there at least once a day and stared mournfully at my punti. Mist came to my eyes just thinking about it.

Fed up with Jared's stupid deserting ass, I made myself a sandwich, ate and went upstairs before brushing my teeth and collapsing into bed.

Stupid fucking Cleo blocking boyfriend.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Jared was apparently busy this weekend, so Rachel was kind enough to drive down from Seattle to take me to the doctor's office to get this fucking itchy cast off of me.

"You know what I hate Rachy?"

"Umm, people who dress their dogs up at cats because it goes against nature in all forms?"

"Well yes, but I also hate like really old drunks. Like when you are fifty and sixty getting so drunk that you slur your words and keep repeating the same shit over and over again, I feel like you should join A.A, if not for yourself then for your liver."

"What brought this on?"

"Hmm? Oh Mom told me that she and Ben are going to have liver for dinner tomorrow, and after the initial revulsion it lead to one thing and then another and now here I am telling you my thoughts."

Rachel pulled into the hospital parking lot and we got out as we started toward the doors.

"Your mind is facinating, you should be a kindergarten teacher, you know get 'em when they are young and all that jazz."

I signed in and walked into my hospital as I considered her words.

I hopped up on the doctor's table just as he came in with a smile on his face.

Ah Doctor Closer we meet again.

"So how is Laila Ali today?" Oh ho sexy and smart Dr. Closer?

I smiled and said fine. He poked around at I don't know what and then the nurse arrived with what looked like a saw and bunch of other stuff.

He told me that everything looked good from the X-rays and that I was all set to take my cast off.

He pulled out the saw and being Rachel she had to say dramatically, "NO! Doctor please she need this arm to make money for our seven children! Can't you do anything to save it?"

I smacked my forehead with the hand not encased in plaster and sighed as I apologized for my friend, "She was just let out of the institution and her dad asked me if I could spare an afternoon because she still has tendencies to eat bugs and rocks when left alone."

Dr. Closer chuckled and got to work on my cast with the saw and then these huge scissors.

He finally pulled it away and my arm raised on its own and then to my horror I saw green on my arm.

"Oh my god Kimmy, you have contracted a flesh eating virus, or mold!"

Yes thank you Rachel for coming with me.

Dr. Closer just chuckled and wiped my arm down before asking if I wanted a lollipop.

I think he said it as a joke, but no joke I never turn down candy, and neither apparently does Rachel.

After a quick wave to Doctor Closer, who was standing at the nurses station, Rachel and I left the hospital and she drove us to my mom's diner to get free ice cream.

Nothing is better then ice cream, other then free ice cream.

We walked into the diner and Mom smiled at Rach and me as she saw us and called out to Joe who worked in the kitchen that she needed two cones.

I heart my mom.

She looked at m arm marveling at how much skinnier it was then the one that hadn't been broken and gave Rachel a hug.

Rach and I decided to leave the car at the diner and go for a walk since it wasn't raining, or snowing (a small miracle) and we started toward the woods that we had played in as a kid.

Rach got behind me and then started singing, "Owoooooooo  
Who's that I see walkin' in these woods?" She crept up closer as I watched her and ducked behind a pine tree and peeked out at me, "Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood." She stood u and started moving her hips and turning her hands in a circle as she sang, "Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good. You're everything a big bad wolf could want."

She pointed at me and I took my cue, "Listen to me! Little Red Riding Hood, I don't think little big girls should, go walking in these spooky old woods alone. Owoooooooo." I finished the verse with a rather impressive howl.

Rachel walked in front of me and clasped her hands as she walked backwards and I 'stalked her', " What big eyes you have. The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad. So just to see that you don't get chased... I think I ought to walk with you for a ways."

Rachel looked at me with faked lust and started to stalk me, "What full lips you have! They're sure to lure someone bad.  
So until you get to grandma's place, I think you ought to walk with me and be safe!"

She kept singing as she jumped on my back and I walked with her towards our secret spot. Quick explanation ever since Rachel and I had heard my mom singing this song and we were alone in the woods we sang it together. A friendship quirk if you will, "I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on.  
Until I'm sure that you've been shown, that I can be trusted walking with you alone. Owoooooooo!" Sh howled loudly in my ear causing me to laugh through the next part with her.

"Little Red Riding Hood. I'd like to hold you if I could  
But you might think I'm a big bad wolf so I won't. Owoooooooo! What a big heart I have-the better to love you with, Little Red Riding Hood even bad wolves can be good  
I'll try to be satisfied just to walk close by your side  
Maybe you'll see things my way before we get to grandma's place"

We reached our little spot where the trees bent together to give the appearance of an arch way and finished the song as we always had, "Hey there Little Red Riding Hood,  
You sure are looking good. You're everything that a big bad wolf could want. Owoooooooo! I mean baaaaaa. Baaa"

We collapsed on the soft, sponge like grass in a fit of giggles and I gave her a hug silently thanking her for being my best friend. She returned it with her own silent thanks and we laid back and tried to pick out shapes in the clouds.

"So how goes the boyfriend thing?" Rach asked after pointing out a dragon."

"Well, two days ago he ran out on me before he almost got some serious under the shirt action, while I was grinding on his obvious approval, leading me to scream a threat of buying a vibrator to replace his ass," I replied nonchalantly even as I felt the anger rising in me again. God I was so frustrated!

"Well, I think you should get one anyway, you are eighteen now and I feel that every woman should own one, because while boys may leave, stray or run out on you The Rabbit will never let you down, especially if you use energizer batteries that are rechargeable."

I laughed at her serious expression and felt a small amount of color come to my face. "Ah Rach, I love you more then these delicious waffle cone."

I took a bite out of said waffle cone and heard some snuffling around a bush at the edge of our hideout.

Rach tensed next to me, and looked toward the bush, "Is it a bear?"

I had to smother the hysterical giggle I felt bubbling up my throat and shook my head, "Worse case scenario it is a wolf, possibly Big Bad, but we don't need to worry about that because with your hair, you are kind of rocking Betty Boop, and I saw a cartoon once where he was all up on her tip." Possible man eating creature in the bush and I am rambling about Betty Boop.

"Fist off, my head is not giant like Betty, second she does not have a tip he could be all up on her clit but not her tip, Lady Gaga has a tip but she is weird. And third if we are going to die I want you to know that I am the one who ate your chapstic when we were ten and eight. It smelled so good so I just took a bite not Jacob."

I gasped at her, remembering how she had told me it was Jake and then I had given him a makeover with magic markers. He was called Janice for a while after that.

Something stepped out of the bush causing Rachel and I to cling to each other and give a scream worthy of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie.

After I opened my eyes at the end of the scream, I saw my Cleo blocking boyfriend trying to hold in his laughter as Jacob bent over convulsing with his hilarity.

I noticed that the retards were in jeans. That's it, jeans! In the middle of November.

"What in the world are you wearing? !" Rachel and I yelled together as we each stood up, took off our coat and ran to the boys trying to cover them with the fabric that was way too small. Oh and we did this in synchronization, like those odd water ballet things.

Jared and Jake just laughed harder at us and they straightened up and wrinkled their noses before shaking a little, like the frozen Popsicles they were going to be, although to be totally honest Jared felt super hot as my hand touched his skin.

"God you two stink, go home and shower please you are making me nauseous."

"Fuck off Jacob! We do not smell bad! You smell bad, you smelly pants."

Smelly pants? Honestly Rachel. I internally sighed at her lame come back.

"Don't you think they smell bad Jared?" Jake asked Jared.

I looked over at him, daring him to say something and what he did was actually shocking.

He grabbed me into his arms and rubbed himself all over me, kind of like when Lizzie's cocker spaniel met me and rubbed herself all over my coat.

But when Lady did it I wanted to push her away what Jared was doing made me wrap my legs around him and kiss him, hard. I kind of forgot about my friends, that is how hot it was.

He pulled away from me, and sniffed me, giving a small purr of approval, that shot straight to Cleo and made her faint.

"No she smells, amazing," he purred some more and he snuggled hid face the skin that my neck met my shoulders, causing me to shiver in pleasure. Shit that was hot.

"Umm, that was the freakiest thing I have ever seen."

God, Jacob shut up.

"Are you kidding? It was like free porn. Well, done Kimmy!"

God, Rachel shut up.

Jared just chuckled into my throat and gave it a small kiss before pulling back and putting my coat back on me, then wrapping his arm around me so that I snuggled into his freakishly warm skin.

"SO why are you guys in the woods?"

"Why are you Jacob?"

"Because, Rachel it's my job."

"You don't have a job, your a dork."

"You don't have a job because you are to busy getting drunk with Kim."

"I do have a part time job, at a sex store, want me to get you a flesh light since no living woman is over going to let you touch her?"

"Ha! Are you still a virgin?"

Oh no Jake you didn't want to know the answer.

"Nope, are you."

"Yeah so you are not any better than m- wait, what? You aren't a virgin?"

Told you so. Watching them was like watching an amusing tennis match.

"Nope," yeah Rach pop that p.

"Who the hell did you sleep with?"

Oh no.

"Which time?"

"I think Jake's eyes are going to pop out his skull," I whispered to Jared.

His shoulders shook in silent laughter.

"What the FUCK do you mean?"

"Well I have had sex with a man and a woman, so which time."

Oh god Rach. Jake please stop when you are ahead.

"Wait, Rach your a lesbian?"

"Noo, I am in college and I experimented with my lab partner Tiffany. It was nice but I need a man."

Jake stood stock still and looked at her as if she had just grown a unicorn horn out of her forehead. I tried to mentally tell you to shut up. I already knew about Tiffany and Aden, but I knew that Jake could not handle knowing his sister was no longer a virgin. Dork.

Jake flopped onto the ground and Rach patronizingly patted his head like a dog before looking up at me with an angelic expression and asked,

"So you want to use my employee discount to get a vibrator?"

**AN I like Chapter 11, although I love anything with Rachy.**

**Kim is starting to notice some canine tendencies hmm?**

**Question: Ever wanted to give up on relationships and get an amazing vibrator lol.**

**Rachel would say it was cheaper. **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**

**Oh and when you review just tell me and you will get a sneak peek at Chapter 12!**

**XOXO Mel**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Nope still don't own anything.**

**Reviewers who make me dance: justareaderfan, blondiee01, D R O W N-I N-S E Q U I N S , candyland426, Beachbunny24, 1 stp Klosr, pnkrchik. The all mighty and powerfulM, laurazuleta18, ArielMermaid, annnd Ali Edward Cullen.**

**Chapter 12: How Is Cleo Going To Get Any Attention With A Baby Around?**

**KPOV**

I looked at Rachel torn between saying yes, I do want to use your employee discount at the sex shop, and strangling her.

Jared sat there sputtering, sounds that could have been words if he got more then one sound out at a time.

Jake was still sitting on the ground shocked on Rachel's sexual revelations.

And Rachel, what was she doing? The woman who had left us all gob smacked, was smiling at me with a raised eyebrow. I knew what she was thinking, that I would blush, word vomit, blush more and then stomp off. But this was not the day I was going to be awkward.

"Yeah, that would be great, now that I'm 18 maybe I will buy a couple pornos too."

Jared whipped his head in my direction and while I wanted to go die in a hole because he was hearing this but I was going to do this, and put Rachel in her place.

"Oh, is that right. You want to do it now? I mean your button clicking hand is out of the cast so I could just take you to Fantasy Unlimited right now and then bring you home in time for you to use it all. I can get you a vibrator, Porno, and maybe some flavored lube for real cheap. You want a couple outfits?"

Oh ho you are not beating me like you did Jake, "Absolutely, to all of it." I crossed my arms in front of chest ready for battle.

"Leather, pleather, lace, feathers, or fur?" She raised her eyebrow at me in a total challenge move. Fuck my best friend.

"Leather, lace and fur are all fantastic, thanks. Got anything crotchless?" I will see your leather and raise you crotchless, beat it Rachel.

"Of course we do, ass less too, want some of that?"

A little scared is how I was feeling, because I knew you didn't say something to Rachel without following through. Good thing is that my closet is deep, and dark.

That's what he said.

"Ass-less you say, well maybe," good give yourself a loop hole, "But do you have any of those bustiers that don't have a bra cup?" Oh yes! Wide eyes!

"Of course, want garters and thigh highs?"

"Can't have enough of them. Oh and maybe some anal beads."

Rachel's jaw dropped, silently telling me I won, and I smiled smugly. I knew I was going to have to buy everything I brought up, but that was ok, I rarely win against Rachel, so Bazinga!

I heard coughing next to me and turned to see Jared holding Jake an awe filled look on his face.

Blush ignited, I lifted my chin and followed Rachel out of the woods, leaving my shell shocked boyfriend grasping Jacob.

Maybe I should have warned him before hand how completely crazy Rach and I are but, I guess he knows now.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

After a seriously horrifying experience in Fantasy Unlimited, I walked out with: a vibrator, a gray laced up cup-less bustier, vibrating anal beads, a leather bra and crotchless thong set, strawberry flavored lube, lace crotchless panties, a fur lined paddle, and two pornographic DVDS named Fine Bi Me and a parody one called Pulp Friction.

I was a little shaken and scared to be totally honest.

We drove back in silence and I slowly got out of the car at my house threw a wave over my shoulder at Rachel and walked into my house. It was quiet thankfully and I got to my room where I plopped down and thought.

I understood almost everything I saw, but what was really freaking me out was the dildo shaped like a fist. How do you get any of your orifices to stretch so much that you can fit a fist into them? And why would someone find that sexy.

So as I sat in the dark with my bag of goodies on my bed beside me I could not stop thinking of that fist.

And like a mirage out of the mist, Jared just appeared in my bedroom. I have no idea how he climbed into it from the window but I was shocked.

"Did you have fun?"

"Um, some. I got a porno that is a parody of Pulp Fiction, which is co-" I was cut off by his mouth on mine and I relaxed into him and my bed as he pressed closer to me.

His knee went between my legs, and as the kiss got more carnal I began grinding down on him trying to ease the ache my core had been feeling for days.

He leaned his lower body down to mine, so I lifted me legs around him and pressed even closer feeling his hardness through his pants.

He pulled his lips from mine and ground into me, causing me to moan so loudly it was embarrassing.

"Do you have any idea, how hard it was for me to patrol today, knowing that you were buying sex toys and dirty lingerie?" he panted as he thrust forcefully into me making me arch into his hard chest.

"Patrol?" was all I could think to pant.

He stiffened for a minute and then started to lick me neck and suck on the sensitive skin underneath my ear, causing me to shiver and lean closer to his extraordinary heat making the inferno raging through my body burn even hotter.

Outside those damn wolves began to howl so loudly that it sounded like they were right outside my window.

Jared suddenly stood up and look out the window before turning back to me. I caught a glimpse of myself in my vanity mirror and tried to ignore the ravished look I was sporting with my wild hair, swollen lips and bra strap drooping off my shoulder and visible thanks to my Rock and Roll tank top.

"I have to go," he groaned.

I looked at him, my mouth dropping in pure astonishment that home boy was pulling this shit again.

"Are you for real?" Hmm, even outside my brain I sound ghetto. Put your hands in the air if you's a true playa.

Shut up Cleo, the leg you have been getting acquainted with is leaving.

"I have to Kim, they need me."

Oh ho, someone needs him, really? Bitch Kim, popped her rainbow suspenders away from her 'Remember My Name, You Will Be Jacking Off To It Later' t-shirt and gave a wicked grin.

I stood up, gave a smile that made him blink and flinch slightly, and walked over to the other side of the bed where my goodies had fallen, and pulled out the vibrator, lube, and Fine Bi Me, before looking at him again, smiling, said, "Bye Jared," and gave him a wave before taking the vibrator out of its box, threw the lube next to it before taking the cellophane off the DVD and used my nail to slice through the sticker on the top and side of it, all the while ignoring a Jared, who was standing still watching me.

Aww shit get your towels ready it's about to go down.

"What do you think you are doing," his voice rumbled.

"_Who's bitch are you Jared?"_ Bitch Kim yelled from my brain, I think she was sitting on a Harley now in chaps.

"Oh, Jared I thought you had to leave," my voice dripped innocence.

"What do you think you are going to do Kimberley?"

Ooooh Kimberley is it now Cleo blocker?

"Well, I mean you are leaving and I have been just incredibly frustrated lately, for some reason, so I decided I would use my new friends and take care of my problem by myself. Jared you better leave quick 'somebody' needs you right now," I said with a ditzy smile, like I didn't have any idea what his problem was. Bitch Kim, gave me an internal high five and Cleo began sobbing at the loss of her new best friend. I told her to put her big girl pants on and calm the fuck down.

His fuck hot jaw began moving side to side letting me know that he was grinding his teeth.

Ha ha.

"You are going to masturbate when I leave?" he ground out.

It is freakish how turned on I was getting from the anger I heard in his voice, but ung he just sounded so forceful.

UNG.

I smiled, "Well, you might catch the first bit if you don't leave soon."

I started to walk toward my bathroom, raising my shirt, so he could see my hands unhooking my bra, before I shut the door.

Like the dork I am, I pressed my ear up against the door to listen to his reaction and had to put my hands against my mouth to keep in the giggles when I heard his curses and what I think was him kicking my bed.

I didn't hear anything for a minute, so I came out and saw my window open and my vibrator was no longer on my bed.

The fucker seemed unable to help himself from blocking Cleo's enjoyment.

Well, joke is on him, I have a hand held vibrating shower head.

Who is smarter in this relationship?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I woke up the next day, and decided that I needed to wear the outfit Bitch Kim had been wearing in my demented mind, and pulled out my shirt, rainbow suspenders, and a pair of flair back jeans.

I finished it with my Chucks and grabbed my messenger bag and a Cheerios breakfast bar before heading out the door and briskly walking to school.

I walked into the school and Ms. Henderson the assistant principal saw my shirt and scowled. Haha Bitch, can't do anything about it, covers my belly button!

Oh and she is a major bitch, she suspended Rachel in 11th grade for punching a guy in the jeans, after he grabbed her ass.

I walked over to my table where Paul was already sitting and picking at what looked like a McDonald's happy meal.

I sat down and had to ask him what he was doing.

"My Happy Meal toy has like a glob of messed up plastic on it, and it is driving me fucking crazy," he said without removing his eyes from his toy.

I shrugged, sure it was weird for an eighteen year old who looked like a WWE wrestler to get a happy meal but who was I to judge.

Besides Happy Meals are the mother fucking bomb.

"Nice shirt by the way, wear it for Jared?" he said as he finally got the blob of plastic off the toy.

"Yep, he hid my vibrator so he deserves it."

Paul had become my male Rachel so I didn't even blush as I said it.

Lizzie came over holding hands with Mel, and laughed at my shirt before giving me a wink and then stole Paul's toy and started to make it do a stripper dance using a pencil as its pole.

Well as much of a stripper dance as Bumblebee could accomplish.

"So you guys ever think of have a threesome with a guy?"

"Nope we both have a giant strap-on, so we are good, thanks for the offer," Liz said dead pan as she made Bumblebee climb his pole upside down.

I chuckled quietly before pulling out my sketchpad and started drawing all the pieces that had been on my mind since I had semi fractured my hand.

I GET TO GO HOME AND WORK IN MY GLASS HOUSE!

I fished the fourth sketch before I noticed that Jared, and the three stooges had arrived. I pulled out of my little world blinking a little and smiled happily at them.

I tilted my neck a little as I tried to get my neck to ease a bit out of the knot that I had developed from hunching over and I felt Jared's warm hand snake up and begin easing my neck muscles with a hot massage.

Why was the boy so hot? In the literal sense not the I want to fuck him he is so hot way.

Ignoring that for a minute I felt the heat seep into my skin and ease the knot away. Ah much better.

I sent him a grateful smile and noticed how dark his eyes were.

Ung.

I had to cross my legs to ease the ache that had just hit me like a mack truck.

It didn't work, it kind of made it worse.

But then when does it ever actually make it better.

The bell rang and he helped me from my chair before grabbing my hand, and walking towards English class together.

We got to class after a quick stop at my locker and sat beside each other.

"So did you have a nice night?" Jared asked with a smug grin.

Silly rabbit, tricks are for Kims.

"Mm, I did actually. Took a long shower."

His smug smirk turned into a bemused grin, and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, a very long shower, with my sweet pea body gel, and my vibrating shower head."

Yeah, lose that grin smarty pants.

"Really?" he squeaked.

I leaned towards him from my seat and whispered, "You didn't think that taking my vibrator was going to stop me did you Jared?"

"I didn't take it, I hid it."

Keep gulping big boy.

I raised my eyebrow at him, as the class filled in and turned towards Beatie, who was scowling at the classroom.

Good thinking Beatie, why try something new when the old ways are working _so _well.

"Class, get into groups of three, we are going to have another group project."

I get that we are trying to build our social skills, but come on, can't I just have one project that I only have to depend on myself to get it done right? I mean I am slightly anal, so why is it that I continually have to work with others?

People like me, well enough, I have a hot boyfriend and I am one of the only people who can talk to Rach when she is in a rage and not get a black eye.

I am fully developed in the social skills department.

While I was having my internal bitch fit, Paul turned his desk around to face Jared and me, and said, "So sweet cheeks, maybe you will get to bite me again." I think the eyebrow waggle was a little much but whatever.

"Students, look at your group." Little hard not to Beatie we are facing each other. "Because you have just become parents, together."

Um, what the fuck did he just say?

"Every first period senior class has been given this assignment." And then he pulled out a doll that looked freakishly like a real infant.

"These Baby 4 Reals, cry, need to be fed, changed, and sleep like a real infant. They have heat sensors, and can feel when they get too cold, so they need to be clothed, wrapped in blankets the whole nine yards ladies and gentleman. Their necks move so you have to support them other wise the baby will cry out and the neglect you showed it will be programed in and you will be docked points at the end of the project. It will keep a running tab of everything you do, how long it takes you to respond, which will all be reported from the babies computer chip."

Where the hell did this school get enough money for like twenty babies for all the seniors?

"Kimberley's mother, Karen Richards, generously donated the money for the project."

Fucking Mom! Wait like nine years and you can have your own real grandchild!

He passed out the babies and told us that we needed to check the diaper and see if we had a boy or girl as he took our wrists and put these wrist band things that locked around them that baby would scan so that no one but one of our group could take care of the baby.

FUCK MY LIFE!

I took our baby out of the complementary baby seat and looked in it's cloth diaper that also had a sensor on it and saw that we had been 'blessed' with a little boy.

Beatie handed out diaper bags next that had a sensor bottle, two other sensor diapers so the baby could tell that it had been changed and a blanket, that looked way too thin to protect my baby.

Oh dear gods I am bonding with my fake baby.

But he was really cute, he had real soft brown hair and huge green eyes, chubby little legs and arms.

"You will have these children all month and return them in January when we get back from Christmas break."

Say what now?

So enjoy being parents for the next thirty two days children, you will carry them with you to school, anytime you move really." Beatie said with a hint of sadistic pleasure.

Oh my.

He returned to his desk and told us to name our children and get acquainted with him or her.

I looked at the baby again in shock of all we had been told and held him gingerly.

"Cool we are parents! I think we should name it Optimus Prime."

Thank you Paul for that.

"He is not an it, and you are not naming my fake child Optimus," I said sternly.

"Yeah his name is obviously going to be Autobot, so he is everything good."

Jesus, more poor baby had double the idiot in the daddy department.

I gave Jared a scowl and pulled Tatum closer to my chest.

"His name is Tatum."

"What kind of name is that?"

"He is named after his father Tatum Channing."

God Tatum Channing was a HOTTIE.

Jared scowled at me and began to open his mouth for a scorching set down I am sure, when Paul said, "Hey was that the guy in the G.I Joe movie?"

I nodded and he said it was cool. Ha two to one what now.

My baby began to cry and I put my sensor wrist band to his back so he knew it was me holding him before I searched for his bottle and put it to his mouth, he stopped crying and made a sucking and cooing sound.

I wanted to go aww at him but then I looked up at the boys and remembered the idiot brigade my baby had inherited.

Also how is Cleo going to get any attention with a baby around?

**AN Those Baby 4 Reals are real, they suck to take care of, and this author sadly bonded with her fake baby and was sad to see her go.**

**What hijinks will our beloved three get into with a baby, especially with an auntie like Rachel.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, I will post the next chapter as soon as I get 20 reviews or in a week whatever comes first * Twirls evil mustache***

**And trust me loves you reeeeeally want the next chapter.**

**XOXO Mel**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Yep Don't own wha wha**

**Love you guys and Thanks really: Manna1, , Tana101, sMaRtYpAnTs, ally leigh, ArielMermaid, c4wot, pnkrchik, candyland 426, 11ali26, 1stp Klosr, Your dumb, VirginPrincess, laurazuleta18, Milynne, justareaderfan, Beachbunny24, Ali Edward Cullen, tigerisomb, D R O W N-I N-S E Q U I N S, Twi3lover**

**The explanation for Tatum Channing is in this chapter, lol should have put it in the last for how angry some reviewers got hmm.**

**Chapter 13: Oh Yeah, Mommy Is Going To Get Some**

**KPOV**

True facts about being a parent to a fake child:

-You can kind of lean their cries if you listen enough.

-You will be listening to their cries enough to learn it because apparently Beatie had decided to be an ass and set our baby to crack I believe. Medium, Hard, and Crack were the levels ( I think) and he set our baby to Crack, because for real my kid cried constantly.

-Even having two father's for your fake baby does not mean that you won't be the one taking care of it, CONSTANTLY!

-Say goodbye to making out, and possible orgasms with your boyfriend because your fake baby will know and they will scream.

I was looking like shit, straight up, not gonna lie. Tatum was quiet, all day long only crying when he was hungry or needed to be changed. He cooed all day, I had heard him giggle a couple times, which was so adorable, my crazy mother just loved my fake child, but then as soon as it was dark he was crying all the time, and for some weird reason he would only fall asleep in my arms.

So I had taken to sleeping in my paint splattered chair for maybe five hours a night.

I had bags under my eyes.

He needed to be fed and changed each morning before I could take a shower, and then he would sleep for a little bit, giving me time to dress and pull my hair into a pony tail before he would be up again. No time for contacts or make up for the basically single mother.

I was looking kind of sloppy now a days.

Then I would have to wrap him up in a blanket put him in his car seat, and then put him in Herby before going to school where we had a 'day care' center, where they charged up the babies batteries, and then at lunch I would pick him up to feed and change during before eating and then taking him back until school was over.

And what were his fathers doing while I was running ragged?

They would play with him for a while and then go to do whatever the fuck they did after school.

I was about thirty six hours from killing my boyfriend and his best friend.

So as I pulled up to my school, I got Tatum out of the car, checking to make sure he was covered, pulled out his diaper bag, with all his essentials and went into the school quickly, with a diaper bag slung over my shoulder, a baby in a carrier in one hand and an umbrella over the baby in the other to protect him from the rain.

I think I was getting fake postpartum depression.

I got into the building, walked over to my commons table and put Tatum on the table, before closing the umbrella and flopping down in my chair preceding the setting of my head down and trying not to cry.

It had only been five days since I had gotten him and I was so tired. I had probably slept like seventeen hours in the past week.

I heard some people sit down and raised my tired eyes, that honestly were burning to see Melody and Lizzie sit down with their daughter Juliet, both looking happy and well rested.

I gave them both a weak smile before putting my head back down on the table.

"Honey, why don't you make the boys take Tatum, for a while, you are so tired. You need a break before you crack," Mel said softly as she rubbed my back as I mindlessly rocked Tatum in his chair.

"They both keep saying that they have to work and can't take care of him," oh my dear goddess, I could hear the tears clogging my throat in my words. I know that I didn't give birth to my fake son but I swear I am unbelievably emotional lately. Maybe it is a combination of sleep deprivation and PMS.

Lizzie got this really angry look across her face, when Jared, Paul and the three douches sat down laughing and joking about something that I was not mentally sound enough to pay attention to. She glared at Jared and Paul before saying, "Look at what you are doing to Kim!"

They all looked at me and I really did try to raise my head, but I was afraid that they would see the tears that were clouding my eyes. God I hate being so tired, I get too fucking emotional.

Jared looked at me with concern and Paul looked a bit guilty before Melody spoke, "You two dead beat dads have left her to take care of the baby alone 24 hours a day, because she has to be there to do everything for him."

Well. Actually it was more like seventeen hours but whatever. Her point was made.

Paul hung his head and Jared just looked at me with a sad face. I wanted to tell him that I was completely fine but I didn't have enough energy to lie right now.

"That is why this weekend she is taking off and you two get to watch the baby."

"Wait what? We have to work!" Paul yelled as he slammed his fist down on the table causing Tatum to cry. I picked him up out of his carrier, wrapped the blanket closer around him, found the bottle and popped it in his mouth before leaning back and closing my eyes.

Ugh, how do single parents do this?

"Wow, Kim, you are like the NASCAR pit crew of babies," Jacob said.

I opened my eyes and gave him a smile before leaning my head back again.

"We will take him this weekend. Kimmy, I'm so sorry we left you with the baby all week." Aw I love my boyfriend.

SCREECH. My mental breaks screamed in my head and my eyes pooped open in alarm. Oh my god what the fuck did I just think?

I looked at Jared who's mouth was moving as he talked to Paul, but I couldn't hear what he was saying because of the loud ass waves crashing around in my head.

I do not, I do not, I do not, one part of my brain chanted in denial as she tried to choke the other part who spoke her feelings first at a whisper and then slowly gained volume.

He was so sweet, and funny, and caring. I felt his hand rubbing my neck, and I started to hyperventilate. Did I love Jared? I mean I know that I have liked him for, well ever, even when he was BMOC because although he acted like he was the shit, I would sometimes catch him doing really sweet things, like pushing the kindergarteners on the swings after school, or helping someone out with homework who wasn't in his high school social class, and I knew that he volunteered at the animal shelter two summers ago. But when had my feelings become so strong?

Oh my drunk Dionysus, what did I allow myself do?

I suddenly stood up grabbed the carrier and said in a much too loud voice, "I need to take Tatum to fake baby daycare."

I then spun on my heal and started walking in the wrong direction to the daycare center.

Jared came up beside me, turned me in the right direction and was carrying my messenger bag, umbrella and the diaper bag.

I tried not to hyperventilate again and gave him a smile that felt more like a grimace and walked briskly, dropped the baby off at the daycare, told him I wasn't feeling well and walked out of the school without pausing.

I got into Herby and headed my car towards Seattle because I needed my best friend like now.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I pressed Rachel's button about a million times before her voice came over the intercom.

"Who the fuck are you and why are you bothering me?"

"Rach, I think I did something really stupid," I whispered in a broken voice.

"Kimmy? What's wrong?" her tone panicked.

"I think I may have fallen in love with Jared."

"Hang on babe, I'm coming down."

I paced back and forth before I heard the elevator ding and I ran toward Rachel and flung myself in her arms.

I know that it may seem that I am over reacting, but this was the first time I had ever been romantically in love with a boy, add to that the fact that I had been crazy for him since we were in elementary school, I had no idea what his feelings were other then he liked me, and he was probably the most perfect specimen of man that ever walked the face of the planet I think I had a perfectly natural reaction.

Rach patted my head and let me blubber on her for a while before, picking me up, dusting me off and marching my ass out the door and to the mall.

She thinks anything that can't be solved with a fist can be solved with retail therapy.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

First stop on the return Kim to normalcy or at least as normal as she can be train was Hot topic.

Now I know that Hot topic is overplayed by emo kids and the fake goth ones but I loved the store. They have awesome and sometimes funny things that honestly rock, like my Gir clock.

I picked up some shirts, and earrings for myself before I drifted over to the baby stuff.

In my brain, I knew that it was insane to buy things for my fake child. But I didn't listen and started picking up stuff to buy with my check card because I am crazy.

These purchases let me know I was slowly returning to my normal crazy.

"Are you really going to buy your fake baby clothes Kim?" Rachel's voice came behind me.

"Yeah, I think Tatum will like them."

"What kind of name is Tatum for a kid anyway?"

"Hmm, oh you know that actor guy all the girls love, Tatum Channing."

Rachel looked at me for a minute like I was insane, and then said, " Do you mean Channing Tatum? The hottie in Step Up?"

"What yeah sure. I was subconsciously trying to make Jared mad or something because I am mental and so I told him that that Tatum guy was the baby's dad."

"You are so freaking crazy that it scares me sometimes. Next time pick an actor you actually know about like Johnny Depp."

I gave her a frown as I set my things on the counter to be payed for and said, "I heard some girl talking about how hot he was."

" His name is CHANNING not Tatum, crazy."

I shrugged at her before handing the saleswoman with gages my card and then took my receipt and bags.

We shopped for hours, I got myself clothes, Tatum clothes, a lamp I saw and some new jewelery before we sat and ate lunch.

"So babe, when are you going to tell him?" Rach asked me as soon as I picked up my tomato panini.

I dropped my delicious Panera sandwich as I looked at Rachel stunned for a moment, before I said, "Umm either never and a day from tomorrow or after he tells me."

"Kimberley Lea Richards, you are not gong to be a pussy about this, you guys have been dating for about two months now, so it's not like you are those silly teenagers who date for three days before they end everything with like "Love you Snookums," you have liked the boy since you were kids, and he really cares for you, if not loves you because everyone can see it in his eyes. I think you should whip off that training bra and hop into the big girl over the shoulder boulder holder, because you my dear are not one to let someone else dictate your life."

After that impassioned speech I felt like I should jump up in a kilt and blue face paint and show some English guy my ass, seriously.

I looked at Rach, squared my shoulders and nodded at her. She gave me a big smile and hug before telling me that she had to get to class, that she couldn't wait to meet her fake nephew and leaving me at my car.

I drove home listening to my Girl POWer play-list and mentally preparing myself to tell him how I felt, and hope he didn't freak out and run screaming from my house with two fingers making a cross at me.

I chuckled nervously at that image and pulled up to my house.

I walked into the house and stopped quickly when I saw my boyfriend standing there holding our fake baby, rocking him slowly and murmuring to him.

I know that my kid is fake ok, but Jebus to see him being all paternal was incredibly sexy. Just like the time he did dishes and I had to restrain myself from humping him. Or the I was cleaning and he just grabbed the bag and took it out, as soon as he came back inside I had to kiss his face off.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but him doing household chores equals major turn on.

I walked over to him and smiled.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing there, and I just couldn't because of how big my smile was.

Jared saw me and gave me a big smile as he noticed me and then raised an eyebrow at all the bags I was holding.

"Sick hmm?"

I smiled sheepishly and held up a couple bags, "Want to see the clothes I bought for Tatum?"

"You bought clothes for our fake baby?" He said with an indulgent smile. Why was that everyone's first reaction? If my kid was real no one would say squat.

I nodded with a shrug and smile before taking his hand that wasn't holding Tatum and walked into the den.

I pushed him softly into the couch, after he gave me a wicked smile I turned toward my bags and showed him all the clothes I bought Tatum, including a one piece that had a walrus doing a flip and said in large print 'I AM THE WALRUS', a shirt that had Kurt Cobain on it and said Stay Away From Courtney Love!, a pair of black baggy pants, a pair of baby shutter shades, and a red checkered coat with some little baby gloves that had skeleton hands on them.

Yeah my fake kid is going to be the baddest in the land. Then I pulled out his new baby bag that had a bunch of tattoo designs all over it, and a new blanket that had Jack Skellington on it walking on the curved mountain.

Jared awed at the right moments, asked me if they had walrus shirts for adults and laughed at the Kurt shirt.

When I was done showing him all the things that I had got he looked at me and gave me a soft smile before kissing my lips softly and then looking at Tatum who was starting to make the little noises he made before he cried.

He picked him up and took the diaper off him before putting the new one on him.

He cooed at the baby, like he was real and then gave him a bottle, laughing quietly at the sucking sounds the baby made, before setting him softly on his shoulder and patting his back until Tatum gave a loud burp sound, which he laughed at quietly.

I kissed his lips softly when he looked at me and quickly got up to check the dinner situation. Lately I had been eating pizza given that Mom had disappeared off the face of the Earth with Ben.

Cute, disgusting old people love.

I saw that my refrigerator was empty, probably thanks to Paul being over this week to play with Tatum. I sighed and decided that I was going to have to go to the grocery store if I was going to eat anything with nutritional value.

I walked back to where Jared was changing Tatum's diaper, the kid went through them like me and a bag of pistachios, and told him about the food situation.

He asked me if he could go with and I told him of course, my inner girl in love squealing about how sweet he was.

We dressed Tatum in the Kurt shirt and jeans, with his coat, buckled him into the car seat, put the Jack blanket over him and then checked his diaper bag for everything before getting into the car and buckling him up and driving to the grocery store.

We pulled in, and I grabbed the baby just to make it easier on us to put him back in later and Jared slung the baby bag over his shoulder before running and grabbing me a cart with a baby seat on it for Tatum.

We walked into the store and got some dirty looks from an old lady in the produce section. I just ignored her and started picking out apples before grabbing a bunch of bananas and heading towards the lettuce and spinach as Jared pushed the cart along behind me.

After finishing with the vegetables, I headed toward the meat department and saw the old lady scowling at me again.

What the fuck was her problem?

Ignoring the rude Golden Girl, I walked over to the chicken breasts and picked up what I would need before going to the steaks. Jared was talking to the baby behind me and rubbing his foot making Tatum coo.

I got everything I needed before walking towards the dairy isle. But before I could get to the mozzarella, pissed off Bettie White walked in front of me, stopping my stride.

"Ma'am can I help you?" I asked in a perplexed voice. I mean what was this woman's glitch?

"I think that the two of you should be ashamed that you had that child out of wedlock."

Was she for real? "Excuse me?"

"You should be ashamed of your little bastard, not proud of him, and you are much too young to be having any children."

The disdain I heard in my voice caused me to get defensive and square my shoulders, Jared started to say something but I put up my hand to stop him before unleashing the torrent of my anger, "First of all, Dame Judi Dench, who the hell are you to call my kid anything. You need to watch your fucking mouth. We could be married, what the fuck do you know? Also, that baby, is fake and a school assignment not that it matters because if he was real I would cuss you out anyway, probably worse. Oh and just because you are a dried up old hag doesn't mean that you have the right to tell me what the FUCK I can do with my life got it. So why don't you moosie on over to the diaper section, get yourself a nice pair of Depends and sit on all that shit you are full of."

I walked away from her with a flick of my favorite finger, got the rest of my groceries before leaving the store with a still silent Jared behind me.

I picked up Tatum and put him into his car seat, before turning to help Jared with the bags.

He stood right behind me with lust filled eyes before he rushed at me and pushed me against the car.

"Do you have any idea how turned on I am right now, after your momma wolf episode in there?" he growled.

I may have whimpered given that his evidence of that arousal was grinding into me, "I couldn't let her say anything like that about our kid."

He groaned into my neck licking it.

Someone coughed and he let me go with a sigh, as he lowered me down to the ground and held me for a second to make sure my legs were going to work before marching around and putting the bags in the trunk.

We got home and I started to put everything away, while he rocked Tatum back and forth. I looked at him and smiled.

We were the picture of domestic happiness.

"I love you."

What the fuck did I just say.

He looked up from Tatum's face and whispered, "What did you say Kim?"

His eyes bored into mine and I gulped, well in for an inch in for a mile right, "I love you," I breathed.

He closed his eyes and then opened them, as they shined with love, happiness, lust and awe, and said, "I love you so much Kim."

I gasped quietly and launched myself at him completely forgetting about Tatum, until he cried and Jared put him down before picking me up, my legs wrapping around his waist and attacking his mouth with my own as I rubbed against him.

He pulled back from me and growled, "Say it again."

His voice cased tingles to run through my body and heat to pool, "I love you."

He groaned as he said he loved me and nipped at my lip before licking it in apology and mating his tongue with mine.

I wrapped my hand in his hair as I pulled on it, causing him to growl again press his erection closer to my heat.

I shuddered and then because someone hates me, Tatum began to cry again.

Jared let my legs drop from his hips with a frustrated sound and went to take care of the baby.

"Jared," I called.

"Yes, love," he replied making me go dumb for a minute before I said, "Paul is taking him all day tomorrow."

He looked over at me with smoldering eyes and I felt heated chills climb around my veins.

Oh yeah, Mommy is going to get some.

**A.N Whew, just so you know she is going to be learning some things in the next chapter.**

**Be ready for the meeting of Paul and Rachel!**

**I am looking at you person reading this who is not going to review, you are disappointing me.**

**What did you think lovelies?**

**XOXO Mel **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: DoN't OwN**

**Sorry for Possible Mistakes I'm goin minus beta**

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**Chapter 14: Do I Need To Pull Out My Mace?**

KPOV

Jared had to leave me...again for work, so I sat with the baby and waited for Paul to come and pick him up, he had apparently gotten off of work and was able to take the baby this weekend until Sunday, which was honestly fine with me, a whole day with my boyfriend and almost better if not better SLEEP. I sighed out loud at that.

Tatum sat staring at me with his slightly freaky non blinking eyes and made cooing sounds as I rocked him in his car seat. I was so unbelievably getting attached to my fake baby, but I was also unbelievably thankful that this wasn't a real child of mine.

I'm probably going to screw my future children up so badly, they will need therapy for years. Who knows maybe in a decade I will be more normal.

…

Probably not.

I sighed and stood up to make some dinner thinking about the erotic promise Jared had made me as he walked out the door.

Tomorrow!

I was like 64 percent positive that we weren't gong to have sex but, there are a lot of other things we could do.

SQUEE!

I was so filled with excitement that I had to just get up and dance around like a crazy person in a padded cell.

I jumped on top of my couch had a flashback of Tom Cruise on Oprah which caused me to collapse onto it in hysterics because you know I'm psycho and shit.

Tatum started crying again (if this kid was real he would have lost his damn voice by now) and went through the process of changing him and giving him a bottle a-motherfucking-gain.

Jeez didn't his computer chip realize how excited I was to get a little something something?

After he was settled down I heard a knock at the door and hurried over to it.

I whipped it open, I guess thinking that it was Jared and he was here to ravage me but sadly it was only Paul.

"Hey?" I asked in the universal meaning of why are you here.

"Hey Kimmy, I'm to pick up Junior and take him for the rest of the weekend," he sounded kind of depressed so I walked with him over to Tatum and started getting his bag ready.

"Dude that shirt is fucking boss."

"Of course it is, that is because our fake child has a bomb ass mom," I said as I bent over to reach the baby bottle that had fallen, which was oddly enough next to a sock I had put on him. How the hell did that get off?

"So how was work?" I asked as I picked up the elusive sock.

"Well, it was good, there is some drama brewing because of this chick which we are all just oh so excited about," he said as I heard a knuckle pop and looked over to see him shaking a bit.

Odd, it was cold outside but Mom kept the house a toasty 75 degrees.

"Oh really, is this girl like your girlfriend or something?"

"FUCK no! I would never date her!" he exclaimed and began to shake a bit more as he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like fucking fang banger. God he was acting so weird today and what's with the True Blood shit? Dork.

I shrugged off his oddness, and went back to packing up Tate. I was becoming OCD I think because I had to take all of his shit out of the bag and check off everything from my mental list.

"So what's the problem?"

"I can't tell you."

Ok whatever Double 0 Dweeb do whatever you need to do.

"Excited for a weekend off?"

"No. I am not."

He was shaking faster, kind of vibrating by this time and being short with me so I rolled my eyes and put all of Tatum's stuff back in his bag before picking him up to put him in his coat which was in the kitchen.

"Why are you so pissy today?"

"The chick is stringing Jake on."

"What a bitch," I replied as I thought of my poor Jakey and got to the kitchen.

"She is that."

Seriously had he said more then four words per sentence yet?

I walked back into the den and looked at Paul. HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET HIS BRACELET OFF?

"What the fuck Paul?"

"Kim I have to go like now."

I nodded at him, "That's fine, Tate is ready now."

"I'm not taking the kid right now," he said as he walked towards the door.

I followed after him completely pissed off, "What the shit did you just say? You are so fucking taking him right now Paul."

"No. I. Am. Not," he got outside and to the snow covered ground before I even reached the patio.

"Yes you fucking are. I need a break."

"Kim, I will pick him up later ok," he was still vibrating and I was actually shaking with my anger. I needed a goddamn break! I had been taking care of the baby alone for a week without any help really.

"You are going to take him now Paul!" I shouted at him and being a child I bent down, picked up some snow and threw it at him. That was a mistake, because what happened next was a mother fucking mind bomb. Literally boom!

Paul shook even faster and then he like exploded out of his skin and what was left was a GIGANTIC gray wolf. I'm serious right now the thing was the size of an elephant, or a blue whale, or the Taj Mahal.

Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but it was at least the size of a bear or horse.

It was kind of cool.

"Umm Paul?" was my intelligent response. I mean the smart thing would have been to scream or pass out right, nope not for me, I talk to the giant dog like he is my uncle.

Paul's eyes, and they were his, blinked at me in comical expression of dog surprise, I could practically hear the holy shit they were screaming.

"Did you know that you could change into a giant dog? Because if not then this is going to be a big fucking problem because I honestly have no idea who to talk to. Maybe Mr. Billy might be able to help because you know he is like the chief and shit. Holy crap Paul, your like a werewolf... like AWOOO Werewolves of London shit. Are you totally freaking out right now? Ah of course you are, don't worry Paul we will figure out how to turn you back into a person... before like Animal Control puts you down because that would totally piss me off, cos your like my buddy and shit. Oh my god, dude does this make Tatum a puppy?" I finished my verbal vomit by looking down at my fake baby who was still in them surprisingly. So obviously I was a little weird, given that I thought my fake kid was a puppy and I sung a bit of Warren Zevon in there.

I heard this weird choking bark sound and looked up to see Paul rolling around on the ground, and assuming that he was choking on like a giant fur ball or something, I jumped down from the porch and held Tate to my chest as I ran to the giant wolf dog Paul and began hitting his back as I tried to help him dislodge the hairball.

"Breathe Paul, breathe!" I shouted like a total psycho.

He just started bark choking louder and I was in full panic mode.

He took a deep breath as I kept hitting me and settled down a bit. I was standing in the snow in my slippers which were soaking wet now and extremely cold.

"Paul wait right here I have to go put Tatum down and put on shoes and we will figure it out ok man...dog...man-dog."

Before he could respond I ran back into the house put down Tatum on the couch and flipped off my slippers before jamming my feet into my boots and running back outside where Paul was sitting on his, um haunches?

"Are you ok?" I asked as I ran over to him.

His giant wolf head nodded and I sighed in relief.

"Oh good the dog thing didn't make you stop understanding English. Ok so is this the first time this has ever happened?"

He shook his head in the negative and I breathed another sigh thankful that I wouldn't have to worry about trying to figure out what the hell happened to him.

"Can you like change back into yourself?"

He nodded again and I gave him a huge smile.

"Ok, so do it to it, home slice." I said with a clap of my hands and a mental Abracadabra.

He tilted his head at me before looking over at the tiny little scraps of what was left of his clothes.

"Oh dude will you be naked?"

He nodded.

"Hmm, that could be a problem, Jared might be a bit pissed off at me or you if I saw you naked right," he nodded, "Oh I will get you some clothes, umm lets see oh I think I have a pair of boxers and sweat pants in my room that might fit."

He tilted his head at me again and I swear that I heard him give a dog scoff at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him before saying, "Nooo, they are not Jared's, I just love boxers they are comfy and dido for the man sweat pants. Jerk."

I ran back inside with his dog choke sound following me and grabbed the clothes before hurrying back outside.

I held out the clothes and he gingerly took them into his mouth before walking into the woods.

"You better come back!" I yelled at him.

He did and we went inside together where I heard Tatum crying. I hurried over to the baby, pulled out a bottle and sat down with him before looking over to Paul.

"So your a dog. And by that I mean actual dog not man whore, because I already knew that."

He gave a deep laugh and then leaned back on the couch before saying, "You are such a total freak, why aren't you like screaming or something?"

I shrugged because hell if I know.

Something occurred to me and I had to ask it, "Paul is Jared a wolf too?"

He nodded slowly and I gasped a bit before saying, "Cool."

I mean I'm dating a mythological creature, awesome.

Speak of the devil, Jared burst into the den where we were seated and screamed, "Kim are you alright?"

I nodded my head at his weirdness and turned back to Paul, "So like do you only do it doggy style now?

Jared growled and Paul laughed before standing up and grabbing the carrier, bag and Tatum.

"Oh yeah I see, you Wonder Twin in the form of wolf and all of a sudden can take care of the kid. Jackass."

He gave me a huge smile before leaving.

I looked over at my super hot boyfriend and noticed how awkward he was. He was kind of shifting where he stood and looking at the floor.

Oh it must be the whole I turn into a dog thing huh.

So, because I am me I opened my mouth because I hate awkward pauses, sigh, "So, Frank how was 'work'?"

He looked up at me with a cocked eyebrow, "Frank?"

"Pug from Men In Black," I explained dead pan. Oh my god he blushed how cute!

"So umm, I have to tell you something."

"No shit, MacGruff." Damn these dog names are amazing! I wonder how long I can keep it up.

"Yes," he cleared his throat noisily, "I am a werewolf."

I nodded, mentally saying DUUUUHHHH, I kind of already know that, you know given that Paul went Wonder-Dog in front of me...and our innocent little puppy.

"Right, so what you don't know is that, what I am has a purpose, umm, the pack and I fight vampires."

"Whoa like Buffy vampires?" was my highly intelligent response.

"No not really, they like you know kill people and stuff and suck blood, but no fangs, no garlic, no crosses, sun doesn't kill them and no stake through the heart," he said listing off items while putting up fingers with each item.

I nodded, I mean I read paranormal romances no two vampire myths are the exact same so really it was no big deal for me to except.

"Where are all these vampires?"

"You met one at the hospital," he said his voice taking on a very sexy growl that made me want to hump his leg like a dog... _snort_ like a dog.

"Dr. Closer was a vamp?"

He nodded and I said what came to mind first, "I should change his nickname to Dr. Acula."

He gave me the 'Kim you are so insane' look that I have been getting since I was in diapers and I just shrugged at him. I can't help my brain. And I told him that.

"What I can't help it, it just comes from the synapses of my brain or something. Anything else?"

He nodded, "Jake, Embry, Quil, Sam Uley, Leah and Seth Clearwater and obviously Paul and I are all wolves."

To say I was shocked by that would have been an understatement.

"God is everyone around me a dog? Is my mom?"

He laughed at me and shook his head in a silent no.

"You going to ask me if Rachel is too?"

"No, she would have told me right away."

He kind of winced and I noticed how my words could have been interpreted so I just gave him a smile and patted the seat beside me.

He came and sat next to me before taking my hand and kissing. Damn his hot ass with the old school moves.

"Anything else?" I asked.

He nodded against my hand his lips caressing it.

"You are my imprint."

"Imprint ok that sounds kind of cool,wait like you think I am your mom like baby ducks and crocodiles do? if that is it that is really gross, I mean you have totally felt up my boobs and shit."

Dear baby Aphrodite will I ever learn to shut the fuck up?

"What? No, I don't think of you as my mom, Jesus Kimberley. No it means that when I first saw you after I had changed the first time, I knew that you were like my soul mate, but stronger then that and less hokey. It is kind of like you know gravity, the pack, my family, friends all the stuff that made me, me shifted and all that was important to me was you. I would do anything for you, be anything for you. That is what an imprint does to a werewolf."

"Wow, that is pretty heavy, wait Jared would you do anything I told you to do."

His eyes which during his outpouring had been warm and filled with love, shifted to suspicion, "Yes," he said cautiously.

"Like even if I was like Jared go get me a pop, you would do it?"

"Are you thirsty?" He said as he shifted his body to stand up.

"No, god that is cool though, it's like a super power."

He laughed at me and I shrugged as I thought of something that had been nagging at me, "So why do werewolves imprint then?"

"Well, no one really knows for sure but Sam thinks it has something to do with biology, like you find the woman who will give you the best offspring, but I am not sure if that's the real reason."

"Wait so you are only with me for my giant birthing hips?"

"No Kim, you silly girl."

"Why me, Jared?"

"Because you are you Kim. You are everything that I never knew I needed."

"Do I complete you too. Did I have you at hello? Is it still not over?"

"Ah, Kim I love your insanity."

I smiled at him and leaned forward to give him a sweet chaste kiss and whispered into his face, "I love you too, Balto."

He chuckled in my face and said, "You going to be doing that for a while?"

I nodded as I sat up on my knees and straddled his lap. I leaned forward and kissed his full bottom lip before moving my attention to his top one and then sliding my tongue in and out of his mouth in a obvious play on sex.

He groaned into my mouth and brought his huge hands to my ass and gave me a firm squeeze that earned a loud moan from me.

"Upstairs," I whispered as he moved his mouth from my lips to my neck.

He groaned and lifted the both of us off the couch and started walking.

"Jared I am too heavy!"

"Werewolf babe."

Ung he called me babe.

We got to my bedroom and Jared kind of through me onto my bed where I bounced a couple times before settling.

"Jared, take off your clothes." Whoa how did Cleo move from her designated spot and into my mouth.

Eww gross image.

He growled at me, making my core bloom for him, I started to rub my thighs together, trying to get some relief from my aching.

He took off his clothes, so fast that one minute he was standing there, clothed with dark promises in his eyes and the next he was naked and walking toward me.

My eyes slowly went down his body, his strong shoulders that led to his muscled arms, to his large pecks with his small dark nipples, his six pack, small belly button and happy trail... that led to.

My eyes went wide and my mouth dropped open in total shock. There is no fucking way that that monster is going to fit inside me.

Not to over share but I can barely fit two fucking fingers in there. Maybe it just looked bigger then it was.

I think it liked the attention it was getting because it moved as I stared at it.

Holy shit.

Let me tell you watching porn and seeing a cock in real life are _light years _in difference.

God I wanted to touch him.

He finally got to me and laid down next to me, touching my body as he lowered his lips to mine and kissed me silly.

When he finally pulled back to give me air I looked down as I felt skin on skin. Somehow during the frenching he had gotten me down to my underwear. Thank Jebus I was wearing a black lace matching set was all I could think after the initial what the fuck.

I looked back up to his face and he shrugged as he lowered his face back to mine and whispered, "Werewolf."

Is it wrong that him telling me he was a wild beast turned me on even more? I don't care.

He began stroking my sides and ribs, as I arched my body closer to his firm body. I shuddered from the want that I felt.

He trailed licks, nips and kisses along my jaw before sucking on my neck strongly.

I moaned loudly. I knew that he was marking me but it only turned me n more to know that he wanted to have visible proof on me that I was his and he was mine.

He pulled back and gave the spot a look of pure male satisfaction before he kissed his way to my chest. He pulled my bra cups down, causing my breasts to lift up and out before kissing the valley between my breasts.

He groaned into my skin and whispered, "God Kim, I love your scent." then he took my nipple into his mouth, giving my nervous system a shock from the painful pleasure it caused. I almost wanted to move away but the need to get even closer was more important at that moment then anything else.

Wanting to give him the same pleasure he was giving me, I unlatched one of hands from his back and reached down and took his firm dick into my hand. It was amazing that something so unbelievably hot and hard could still be so smooth and silky. Jared groaned into my breast causing the vibrations to do amazing things to my nipple.

I moaned and gripped him a little tighter, which was apparently a good thing because his hips began moving against my hand. It was a little awkward to move my hand with dry skin so I lifted my hand and gave it a lick before putting my hand back on him.

He moaned in approval and then slid his unoccupied hand down my body and under my boy-shorts.

He just topped the top of my cleft but it made me quiver with excitement, I began pumping him harder.

He didn't waste anymore time and rolled my clit between his fingers.

I gave the loudest porno moan ever.

I arched my hips closer to his hand which caused more of my breast to go into his mouth and twisted my hand a little bit on his erection.

Jared did this thing where he flicked his finger nail across my bundle of nerves that, with the help of his moaning groans on my nipple made me spasm around him and call his name in a rough voice.

He stuck one finger into my hole and I felt myself contracting around him.

He roared my name and came in my hand.

It was the highest, most erotic, most perfect moment of my life.

As my body gave a few last spasms I melted into my comforter and Jared stood up really quick, grabbed a wash cloth from my room and wiped his essence off me.

I smiled at him lethargic and patted the bed beside me.

He laid down beside me and pulled my quickly chilling body into his warmth.

"I love you Kim," he whispered into my hair.

"I love you Jared, more then Beggin' Strips."

I fell asleep to his soft chuckles.

XOXOXOXOXOX

I woke up the next morning minus one warm dog and had myself a little pout fest.

I walked into the bathroom and took care of my morning needs before looking in the mirror and smiling saucily at myself. My eyes zeroing on the hickey on my neck that thankfully could be covered with clothing. I looked back into my own eyes and said, "Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?"

I laughed at my own weirdness and got dressed for the day.

I walked down to the dining room when I heard the door bell ringing.

I opened the door to a very excited looking Rachel.

"Where is my faux nephew?"

"Umm, at one of his fathers' home."

"Call up the daddy because I am going to be the best auntie ever, I will teach him how to throw a wicked uppercut, swear, drive when he is three all that good stuff."

I laughed at Rachel and walked into the kitchen and dialed Paul's number telling him that I could watch the baby today because my friend was here.

He thanked me over and over again saying he needed sleep and hung up. I feel your pain mon ami.

I pored myself some Cinnamon Toast Crunch and listened to Rachel talk about all the things she was going to teach her faux nephew. I would have pointed out her crazy but she lets me spew mine often enough so I let her have at it.

The door rang much sooner than I expected, so I hurried to open the door before grabbing Tatum and motioning for Paul to follow me.

I walked into the Kitchen where Rachel was still talking, "-and he will of course need to know pressure points, and the proper way to tear a man's nuts off his body."

I laughed at her when I heard a gasp behind me. I turned and saw Paul looking at Rachel, well mooning over her would be a more appropriate statement.

NO. FUCKING. WAY! I had seen that stare before.

Paul fell to his knees and said, "Will you have my babies?"

I smacked my head, Jesus H. Christ.

Rachel looked from Paul to me and back again before saying, "Do I need to pull out my mace?"

**A.N So how much did you love her reaction?**

**XOXO Mel**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own sigh**

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**Chapter 15: Well, One Thing You Can SAy About My Girl Is That She Is Tenacious**

**KPOV**

Rachel kept staring at Paul, like he was a psycho and to be honest if I hadn't gotten the 411 today I would have been right along with her.

"Ha...ha Paul stop being weird Rachel doesn't know that you are joking," I said in a strained voice.

He kind of came out of his imprint-coma and stood up from the floor.

"Umm, yeah sorry... I forgot that you wouldn't be in on our...inside umm joke."

Take out the awkward pauses and that could have been a plausible explanation. So I ran with it.

"Yeah, see Paul here has been messing around since we uh, got Tatum."

Rachel still looked suspicious but then she saw Tatum in my arms and she squealed like the mad woman she is.

"Aw, Kim you have the cutest artificial baby ever. Come here Tate, I am going to teach you all you need to know to knock a brother out."

She walked away talking to Tate and I slammed my hand into Paul's chest as he started to follow her with a happily bemused look on his face.

"Paul chill with the crazy imprinter stuff ok? You go in there and act all in love with Rach, she will twist your balls off. She even knows the correct amount of pressure to use ok, so like for real slow your roll got it?"

He finally looked at me and nodded in understanding.

I gave him a firm nod, told him to follow my lead, and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Rachel was sitting.

"Rach, I didn't introduce you guys, this is Paul, he was the guy I told you about who helped me get Jared, I totally owe him."

"Oh yeah, what's up?"

Paul just looked at her all creepily so I kicked his leg, hurting my foot damn it, and causing him to jump and answer, "I'm good, just taking care of the baby ya know."

She gave him a smile and looked back at the baby as she said, "Didn't I make you cry once?"

I laughed at the memory of how Rachel and I met.

"Uh, I'm not sure?" Paul said at the same time I laughed, "Yes."

Paul looked at me and I retold the story to him of his picking on me and then Rachel coming and kicking him, before picking me up and dusting me off, and us leaving him on the ground crying.

He smiled a little sheepishly and looked back at Rachel for a while before nodding and telling us that he had to go to work for a little while.

Yeah work.

Rach looked at me after he left and whispered, "Jesus that dude if all kinds of fuck hot Kimmy."

I looked at her like she was crazy. I mean Paul was nice and all but he was too bulky and just... not Jared-y enough for me.

God I am such a chick. A dick whipped chick. He he dick whipped so awesome.

I shrugged at her and told her that he was a really nice guy. Covertly saying things about him that were true and that would appeal to Rachel.

Because honestly nothing beats having a werewolf for a boyfriend.

XOXOXOXOXOX

After I finished my poetic waxing of Paul's attributes, mostly about his humor and protectiveness, Rachel and I decided to take Tatum out on the town... meaning we bundled ourselves up in winter jackets, hats, scarves, gloves and boots before walking down to the beach and to look out over the ocean.

"Rach, do you think that elves ever get pissed at midgets for taking their thunder?"

"What?" she laughed.

"Like is elves are real do you think they like watch that show Little People, Big World and get pissed off because, you know they are stealing their thunder?"

"Kim, do you like ever think before you speak?"

"I was thinking about it which is why I brought it up."

"Kim, how the fuck would I know that?"

"I don't think you would _know _it I asked what you think."

"Jesus, I don't know I think that like they would get mad at the Keebler elves for selling out."

"Yeah I feel you, are Snap, Crackle and Pop elves?"

"I think so, I also bet they would get pissed off at the normal sized people who play them in Christmas movies."

"Yeah, that's wrong. I wonder if fairies beat up elves, cos you know they can fly and shit."

"I hate Tinkerbell."

"So do I! She is such a raging bitch in Peter Pan, like she tries to kill Wendy and now people are like carrying around purses with her skank ass on them."

"Didn't Paris Hilton's Tinkerbell get stolen and then she switched him out with another chihuahua?"

"Yeah, I think so, god I hate her. She has giant feet."

We sat down on a blanket I had brought that we placed on a nearly snow-less log and let the salty cold water spray in front of us.

"Did you tell him that you love him Kim?" Rachel asked as we watched the crashing waves after we were silent for a while.

I smiled as I replied yes and told her that he loved me too.

"Of course he does, doll, you are a most loveable woman."

I turned my body toward my best friend and gave her a hug before leaning my body against her smaller but stronger frame and looking out over the ocean.

"You going to make out with me now?"

"Later."

I was so very happy, sitting with my girl and fake baby on the cold beach that the only thing that would have made it better would have been to have my guy there... and maybe to lose the baby and Rach... and our clothes.

Anyway, not the time to think that Kim, I watched the ocean with Rach for a while until we decided that we should leave given that our noses and ears had turned red and out mouths were on their way to blue, so we packed up the kid again and started to walk back towards the house.

We were singing songs loudly like total loons, but it was Pink Floyd so that made us cool, when we were stopped by a group of kids.

I knew them from school, they were some of Jared's friends from his big man on campus days.

Oh joy, Bethany is here.

Slut.

Rachel looked at Bethany when she separated herself from the group and stood in front of me with her scrawny ass arms crossed in front of her misshapen tits.

I know they are misshapen because I had gym with her. Have fun getting those fixed was all I could think of when we would get dressed.

"Jared is just with you for your money."

Oh so we are just going to get into this right now, huh ok.

I laughed at her ridiculous statement, yeah my _werewolf _boyfriend is with me for the Christmas gifts.

Oh speaking of which I need to get him one, like soon.

Get your head back in the game Kimmy.

"Is that right Bethany? Well, thanks for that. Good thing he gives such good road head other wise I would probably quit it." Her face went pale. God this bitch is fucking dumb. Like I would really tell her what the fuck Jared and I did sexually... although road head on both sides has it's promises.

"You are such a skanky bitch," she sneered at me.

I laughed, I mean come on whore, you are the one who has given the whole football team motherfucking VD. Gross she is so nasty.

She had the nerve to push me as she said, "Don't laugh at me."

I stopped laughing right away and pushed her back, "Don't fucking touch me."

She looked shocked for a minute before she launched herself at me. I was really glad Rach was holding Tatum, because I was about to knock this bitches teeth out. She'd had it coming since sixth grade when she made fun of my TMNT lunch box.

Because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are boss.

I pulled her hair as I kneed her in the gut. She grunted as she reached her fucking talons to my throat and gave me a huge scratch that burned like a bitch.

I hauled my fist back and clocked her right in the eye before I kicked in her chlamydia filled crotch.

She groaned before slapping me, which cut my lip when her ring caught it.

She motherfucking slapped ME!

For real the girl needs defense classes.

I hauled my fist back again and punched her right on the chin and knocked her the fuck out.

I pushed her limp body off my body in disgust, afraid that her crabs would jump onto me.

I stood up and kicked her fake ass pleather heals before looking at Rach and calmly saying, "Want to grab a pizza when we get home?"

She nodded around the big ass smile she was sporting and walked around the group of Bethany's friends.

I smiled and mopped at the blood that was on my mouth and gave them a sarcastic smile as I walked through their pathetic group.

That's right I'm a bad ass for reals. And suddenly I understood why chicks recorded their fights, because I wanted the whole world to see my kicking of Sawyer's ass.

God I would have posted that on Youtube so fast.

We walked away, with Rach singing, which insidently made me smile and laugh.

"Boy Stop. There's about to be a girl fight. Hey, hey some new shit yeah. Kimmy Valentine."

I laughed and sang, "We bout to throw dem bows we bout to swang dem thangs, we bout to throw dem bows we bout swang dem thangs, it's about to be a what?"

We screamed, "GIRL FIGHT," together before stopping and laughing together.

XOXOXOXOXOX

We got about a mile away from the ass kicking sight before my wolf came out of the forest with Paul, and Fluffy.

Fluffy is the three headed dog in Harry Potter, if that helps you to know who it was.

Paul smiled all dork like at Rach as Jared came forward frowning at me, well not me as much as my neck, which going from the burning had some crazy scratches on it, and my lip which was still trickling blood.

"What happened?"

"Pongo you can't growl at me if you don't want me to jump you in front of our friends, ok?" I whispered to him.

He blinked at me a couple times as he smiled in a daze before shaking his head (dog) and frowning again at me, "Don't distract me Kimberley, what happened to you?"

"She just kicked some bitches ass."

Thank you Rachel for that.

He raised his eyebrows as all the boys behind him chuckled in appreciation of my coolness. I noticed Paul slowly getting closer and closer to Rachel.

"Who?" Ung he needs to quit that growling shit.

"Umm, Bethany Sawyer."

Paul laughed loudly and Jared just shook his head at me before pulling my chin up with his fingers and checking out the minimal damage I had sustained. He shook his head as he wiped the blood off and then gave my lips a gentle kiss.

I kissed him back harder as memories of our night came back to me.

He growled lowly in his throat and pulled me roughly to him. God his body felt so good against mine.

I rubbed myself against him as I gave a soft moan and he retaliated with a purring sound that made me soak.

"Hey, hey Kim, did you really give or get road head to or from Jared?" I heard Rachel say in between laughter.

I pulled my lips from Jared's and looked at her. You know at least I have a verbal filter, even if it is malfunctioning, Rach has none.

"Rachel, first do you think I would have told Bethany anything and second if I had why would I tell you in front of everyone else?"

"We would already know."

"What the hell do you mean Jacob?" I said with an angry voice.

"Jared would tell us even if he didn't mean to."

I looked at Jared and he blushed as he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Another werewolf thing, we can hear each others' thoughts in wolf form, and I think about you... a lot."

I gasped loudly and screamed like a daft dork, "So they have all seen me practically naked? !"

Jared kind of froze and all the boys nodded and Quil gave a low whistle and wink at me to which Jared kind of charged at him and took him down, football star style.

I looked over at Rach who was looking at me with a perplexed face, and said, "Who hasn't seen you naked you walk around all the time in nothing but the candle light babe."

"Rach that was one time and it was my... umm alone time."

"You know I don't get you making a night of it right? I mean to yourself your a sure thing."

Weird sentence, but I understood and started to blush.

"Wait Kim, you like romance yourself before you masturbate?" Embry said with a perplexed voice.

We are all getting way to comfortable around each other.

"No, I like to put the candle wax on my nipples." I said snarkily. They didn't need to know that I had actually done that.

"She has actually done that."

"Rachel! Shut the fuck up!"

Don't judge that was the hardest I had ever come before Jared. I don't know maybe I am a little masochistic sexually.

Jared was looking at my chest with a glazed over look. Well, apparently he was cool with it.

I cleared my throat and walked over to Rachel who had Tatum, took him and walked away from everyone with a love you Scooby Doo thrown over my shoulder.

Rach ran up to me a few minutes later and I gave her a hard look so she would know that we don't drop sexual secrets of our friends to everyone and then walked into my house and ordered a pizza before feeding Tatum and burping him.

We sat down and watched a Dr. Phil rerun.

As I pondered the why of people going on a show when you know the host is going to prettily say you are an idiot, Rachel suddenly looked over at me and said, "Do you know Jared is a werewolf?"

My mouth dropped open and I was honestly completely floored.

"How the hell did you know?"

"I touched Jake's arm and he was like burning hot, they are all walking around in forty degree weather with only shorts on and they travel together in a pack. Oh and Jake got like super muscled up. So I was at my apartment and I'm like Jake has something weird going down and then I remembered Dad's stories about the tribe being from wolves and stuff, and every time he would tell it he would give Jakey like these weird covert glances so, yeah I just wondered if you knew."

Ok, she is taking this even better then I did.

"It doesn't freak you out a little?"

"Nope, he is my brother, I would love him if he was Bigfoot, whom he has a striking resemblance to."

I shook my head at her and contemplated telling her about imprints but then decided that that was a job for Paul and turned back to Dr. Phil wondering what he would say to us.

It probably wouldn't be good.

"Paul is really fine."

"I know Rach, you already told me."

"You think he would want to go on a date with me? I want a dog boyfriend too. Also if he is down with being dominated that would be a plus."

"Rachel first off stop telling me what you are into sexually, secondly yeah I'm sure he would love that."

"Cool, I'll ask him later, give me his number."

Well, one thing I can say about my girl is that she is tenacious.

**AN I know this is a shorter chap, but I just had to post it because of the reviewers, the more reviews I get the faster I post, just imagine what would happen if I got thirty lol.**

**Ever been in a girl fight?**

**XOXO Mel**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Nope still don't**

**Reviewers I love: 1 stp Klosr, candyland426, Milynne, Gina Olivia, ArielMermaid, 11ali26, Beachbunny24, pnkprincess01, xoxMissAponixox, pnkrchik, Ali Edward Cullen, Tana101, Ejacob24, justareaderfan, VirginPrincess, surferchickk525, D R O W N-I N- S E Q U I N S, Itzy, ally leigh, and Lil' Dinky.**

**Chapter 16: I Wish I Could Clone Myself And Hang With... Um Myself**

**KPOV**

I kind of wanted to warn Paul about Rachel being well kind of you know crazy but Jared barely got a warning and to be totally honest he could have thought that first word vomit was a fluke, and look how wrong he was!

Was that mean to myself?

Nah, it was just honest. I mean I did name my clit and she often has her own personality so yeah.

Anyway, Rachel left after telling me she was going to bone him, and to be honest I felt a little bad for my wolf buddy. I mean I love Rach and she was my soul sister (who just sang that train song in their head) but honestly I would not wish being her soul mate on anyone. It is going to suck for him.

But luckily for me she was going to drop Tate off at his house before going home so I was baby-less and waiting for my lover man-dog.

Just as I started thinking some very odd thoughts the door was knocked on and I opened it to find my very sexy werewolf standing there looking all kinds of sex on legs. I mean does the man ever wear a shirt?

"Hey," he rumbled. God damn every time he makes a a dog sound my lingerie gets wet. Which judging by his suddenly darkening eyes I think he knew.

"Can you like smell me Jared?" OH MY FUCKING GOD! I can't believe I just asked him that.

He stepped into the house cornering me into the wall.

He pressed his length against me and twisted his hips into mine. Causing me to pant heavily. "Yes Kim, I can smell your excitement for me," he growled as he licked my neck.

I shuddered into him and gave a small whimper as he dug his erection closer to me. That mixed with the growl made me ready for him. He inhaled deeply and gave a rumble before picking me up with my legs wrapped around his hips causing his erection (which earned it's own name) pressed against Cleo making me cry out with the strong feelings it gave me.

UNG!

"Do you trust me Kim?" he purred as he laid me down on my bed and slowly began divesting me of my clothing.

I answered instantly not even having to think about it.

"Yes I trust you Jared."

He groaned his approval as he got my clothes off ans lifted me to remove my bra.

He unsnapped it with shocking speed which kind of made me think, what's his number. Ask later KIM! Cleo screamed.

I decided she was right because what he was doing to my nipple in that moment was probably illegal.

He was scraping his teeth along my nub and causing almost painful pleasure straight to my core.

I moaned loudly and he pulled his head back from my breast with a small pop, the change in pressure exciting me all the more.

He killed the underside of my breasts and then my ribs before making his way down my body and sticking his tongue into my belly button making me clench my thighs that were around his impressive chest.

He kept kissing down, down down until with a shocked gasp I realized where he was headed.

Around her excited squealing Cleo said in a sarcastic voice _'Last to the party aren't you Kim?'_

He kissed my outer lips softly while giving soft sucks, making me arch and moan loudly as he sucked his way to my cleft.

He slowly inserted one finger into me which was actually a tiny bit uncomfortable until he twisted and curled it and hit a spot that I had honestly never found.

I lurched myself closer to him and I moaned, "UNG' out loud.

He chuckled darkly into my folds making my body do all kinds of interesting things.

He slipped his lips against Cleo and began to suck softly as he moved his finger back and forth against the spot inside of me.

I panted as I frantically tried to get enough air into my body that felt like it was starved of oxygen at the same time I was moaning leading to a very embarrassing sound that I honestly could not stop.

I was so close, I could feel the building pressure that was ready to explode and then he lifted his unoccupied hand to my breast and twisted my nipple a little at the same time that he thrust his finger and bit on my clit, and I exploded.

It felt like hours but not long enough when I came down from my high and I saw him lick his lips and his finger that had been inside me, which made me moan again, at the look of bliss that was on his face with how erotic I found it.

I pulled his large form up to me and kissed him, tasting myself on his lips and tongue and silently thanking Tiffany and Co. that I did not taste funky or something.

He moaned into my mouth and I felt his hardness pressed against me and I remembered that he had not found fulfillment, so I kissed him harder before pressing his shoulders and twisting my body until I was straddling him.

I was actually really excited to do this. For some reason I really wanted to give this to him.

I kissed my way down his strong chin, his large chest and then to his happy trail as I unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts.

"Kim, baby, you don't have to do this. I loved doing that to you, it wasn't for reciprocation," he panted above me. I raised my eyes to him from a small freckle I was intrigued by and said, "I want to Jared."

I slipped my fingers inside his shorts and groaned as I felt nothing beneath them.

I sat up, pulling his shorts with me and watched as his cock sprung from his shorts and landed on his stomach.

I may have smiled and thought a little like the seagulls in Finding Nemo. But it's cool because it is mine.

I bent down and kissed the head and looked up at the growling sound Jared made. Keeping my lips on his head I said, "You can't make that noise because it turns me on."

"I know."

Without further ado I put my mouth around the tip and gave a firm suck. Jared started a litany of curses as I watched him from beneath my eyelashes.

I ha always had a horrible gag reflex, like spitting makes me gag so I decided that I would stay with like the first four inches but there was quite a bit left over so I pulled my mouth off him and licked him from base to tip and then gave my palm a quick lick, thinking next time I was going to break out the flavored lube and put my mouth back on his head as I twisted my fist around his base.

I had a moment of manic when I realized that fingers weren't touching. Jesus the first time is going to hurt... but after, yeah after.

Jared looked down at me and sniffed the air before saying in a hard voice, "Touch yourself Kim."

I moaned and touched my clit lightly which made me come again, still sensitive from my first orgasm, Jared moaned loudly and fisted my bed as he watched me with probing eyes.

After I was finished... again, I reached my now damp hand up to his balls and gave them a slight tug.

"Kim, I'm gonna come move your head baby."

Yeah like that is _really_ going to happen. I shook my head around his head and looked at him, silently telling him no.

he moans grew until he arched off the bed and came in huge long spurts.

I'm not gonna lie cum tastes so gross, but it was Jared and I loved him so I woman-ed up and swallowed everything he gave me. Silently thanking my gag reflex for hopping aboard the woman-ed up train.

He melted into my bed with a dorky smile of contentment, it took everything in me not to laugh.

I told his limp form that I would be back in a second and ran to my bathroom to grab my mouth wash, because just well you know.

I spit out the mouth wash and sighed happily, bye bye spermies hello minty freshness.

I walked back into the room and he looked at me with a comical smile.

"Ok, I tasted myself on your mouth and you got the better deal so sue me," I said as I hopped into bed and snuggled up to him.

Just so you know naked cuddling rocks. Especially when the guy you are cuddled up to is you know your hot werewolf boyfriend who it extremely warm.

It's like having your own electric blanket... that gives you orgasms.

He laughed at me and wrapped his arms around me as I laid my head on his chest.

We laid in comfortable silence for a while but me being well, me decided that now was a good time for the talk.

"How many girls have you had sex with Jared?" I asked as I looked up at him.

He went still for a moment like a deer in headlights and said, "Umm, well three."

Hmm, ok I can handle three wait, "Was one Bethany?"

He kind of coughed and said, "Umm, yeah."

"Gross." I mean come on that girl is such a slut. Plus I totally kicked her ass.

Yeah I did. Internal high five!

"Did you wear a condom each time?" This was awkward but it needed to be asked.

GO MATURE KIM! I don't want any bacteria or nasty viruses down here, Cleo screamed.

He nodded his head and told me that he had been tested for everything at the beginning of the year for sports which he was now no longer able to participate in.

Ya know werewolf.

"Umm, how many guys have you slept with?" He said quietly after a few minutes of silence.

I blushed, I mean I know that I shouldn't be embarrassed by my lack of sexual experiences, but I was.

"None."

he sighed in what suspiciously sounded like relief and I looked up at him perturbed, "Don't be all happy about the fact that you will probably be the only man to ever touch me Jared. Because it just makes you a douche bag."

He looked at me a little too innocently when he said, "No probably about it Kimmy, because I would kill anyone who touched you."

"You are such a retard and what you said sounded like something Dr. Phil was talking about when he was doing his unhealthy relationships so keep those thoughts to yourself, Bruiser."

"Bruiser?" he said in an amused tone.

"Chihuahua from Legally Blonde."

He snickered and pulled me closer.

I heard howling close by and Jared cocked his head before sighing and telling me that the pack needed him.

"Does this make me into bestiality being with you, Bingo?"

"What? Kim god you are so weird, no it does not. It's not like we are going to make love while I am in wolf form."

I started laughing uproariously and said, "You just said 'make love' Brandy Harrington. Oh my god I am going to pee."

I was rolling on my bed, clutching my sides as I laughed when he stood up and looked at me with a mock stern face.

"Kimberley, first who is Brandy Harrington and second I have to go so give me a kiss retard."

I smiled at him when I said, "Brandy Harrington is a talking dog on the Disney Channel show Brandy & Mr. Whiskers, she is a shopping fashionista with a crazy rabbit as her companion. Oh and a snake and some other things, I think there is a lizard who is like a bad guy or something."

I then leaned up and gave him a kiss before leaning back in the bed.

He looked at my relaxed form and gave a small whimper before saying something about dumb ass patrol. I just smiled at him before I remembered something and screamed, "DO NOT THINK ABOUT THIS WHEN YOU GO BIG BAD!"

He shook his head kissed my forehead and muttered, "Gonna be hard not to," before jumping out of my window with his shorts tied to his ankle.

I smiled in contentment and cuddled into the pillow that smelled like him before falling into a blissful sleep.

XOXOXOXOXOX

I woke up and groaned as I looked at the clock telling me that it was Sunday and Paul was going to drop by to leave the baby with me. I had decided and let the boys know that we would each be taking the baby in an order. Sunday, I would have him, Monday Jared would, Tuesday Paul would and so forth.

So Momma was going to be getting some sleep this week!

I walked over to my closet and put on my Betsey Johnson shirt giggling to myself and a pair of jeans before walking downstairs and was shocked to find Mom and Ben there.

It looked like they had just walked in the door, from the purse and everything on the table.

"Hey love birds, came out of the nest have you?" I said as I poured myself a bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch.

Yum!

Mom laughed and Ben blushed. God I am eighteen, I know what you have been doing in the general sense of the word.

"How are you and Jared?"

Hello blush, I'm glad you could come to the party.

Mom scrutinized my face for a moment before nodding and saying, "Are you using protection? I mean I know that you are on the pill, but have you been religious about it? And does he have any diseases because you need to protect yourself Kim."

Ben choked on his coffee and looked at me with a horrified expression.

I nodded my head deciding that I had to be mature about this, "Yes I am taking it everyday same time, I have a timer set on my phone, and I have already had the talk with him and he got tested in August."

Ben started to hyperventilate a little bit and I patted his hand understanding that this was going to be difficult for him.

"Good for you Kimmy, I am glad you are being so grown-up about this."

I gave Mom a smile before deciding to be a bit wicked, "How about you?"

She spluttered for a minute and blushed before telling me it was none of my business and saying she had to get to the restaurant. She told me she was going to stay the night at Ben's because she had a 'meeting' the next day.

Uh huh sure.

I walked into the den and decided to play on my old school super Nintendo.

I mean who doesn't love Yoshi Island?

So as I am hitting the A and B buttons making my Yoshi riding Mario do some bad ass mushroom and turtle smashing I hear a knock on the door and just yelled to whoever it was to come in, because I live in a town so small you sneeze and you miss it so I'm not really worried about murders.

And yeah vamps like like a hop skip and a jump away but I'm sure Jared's spidie senses would go off if some bloodsucker was going to try and ya know suck me dry or whatever.

Jared and Paul came in so I yelled in a deep voice, "Zeus, Apollo!"

They looked at me like I was crazy and I sighed, "Come on guys, Magnum PI, the dobermans, Tom Selleck only man hot enough to rock the mustache still?"

Jared gave me a frown and rubbed his upper lip which made me giggle before un-pausing my game and jumping up to get a fire power flower.

Paul exclaimed about how cool I was as he came next to me and sat down to watch me kick Goomba ass.

Jared smiled and then sat next to me and he began rubbing my back, making me lose focus and fall down a bottomless pit.

I looked over at him and scowled. He shrugged innocently and Paul stole the controller as I was preoccupied giving Jared a fierce scowl.

Dumb Ass.

I sighed when I heard the baby cry and walked over to him and took him out, I was a little scared because I still had to go shopping for well everyone and Christmas was like a couple weeks away.

I just hope that I didn't have Tate when I went shopping.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Of course I had Tatum the only day that week that I could go shopping.

Fuck my life!

The way it had turned out was that I had to go to some things with Jared and meet the pack later in the week, Mom needed my help decorating in the beginning of the week so the only day that worked for me to go shopping was only good on Wednesday, and wouldn't you know it but that was my day to have Tate.

Bring on the insulting geriatrics, Kim and her fake baby are going to the mall.

I had already decided what to get everyone on my list but Jared.

I was getting Quil a kick ass pair of Aviator Sunglasses because apparently the pair I had gotten him a few years ago that he loved had gotten broken one of the times he went wolf and a turn into a zombie shirt that I had found, on the front it says ask me about my Zombie shirt and then you like flip the shirt up over your head and there is a zombie face that goes over your face, very Quil, Embry was getting this fish bowl book end thing I had made him a while back because the boy was an avid reader so all I had to get him was a betta fish that he had been wanting for years and some fish food, Paul was getting a couple new movies that involved kung fu, to get Rachel on board even more and a wolf shirt, and mom and Ben were getting a weekend in California that I had paid for with my last art show.

But, what to get for my boyfriend?

I was still pondering this as I climbed into Herby and buckled Tate into the car.

I put on my iPod and started driving toward the mall, while the amazing vocal styling of Alanis Morsette drifted through the speakers. I love Head Over Feet.

_Don't be surprised if I love you, for all that you are, I couldn't help it. It's all your fault._

XOXOXOXOXOX

I pulled into the mall, and grabbed Tatum's bag and him before walking briskly through the cold and getting to the doors, where an older gentleman held the door open or me.

I love it when people are kind for no reason.

Maybe I should try it more often.

I paid for one of those rent-a-stroller things and set out for my shopping.

I walked over to a couple places and got everything that I needed, like Quil and Paul's gifts and a bathing suit and a pair of swim trunks for Mom and Ben, before heading over to the pet store and picking out a purple and black betta and some betta food. I almost bought myself a puppy but then I thought all about Rachel's warnings on pet store animals when she was going through her PETA stage and changed my mind.

Plus I should probably ask Mom first, like seriously.

So as I was walking past the a jewelery store and I saw something that caught my eye.

I decided that dog tags were the best present for my man and went in and paid for the engraving and tags before they told me that I could pick them up in a couple hours.

I went and put my bags in the car, went back into the store and walked over to Victoria's Secret because I honestly love their lingerie.

I picked out some new things for myself and took Tate to the bathroom to change him before eating at the food court.

By the time I finished my Panda Express Orange Chicken (YUMMY) it was the time that they told me to come back and smiled at the engraving.

On one tag it said _**Jared (Big Bad) Hall **_and on the other it said _**If Lost or Misbehaving Call Kimberley **_that one had a diamond heart on it.

I smiled at the man behind the counter and declined the gift wrapping before walking out of the mall with a happy grin on my face.

God I am the coolest girlfriend, friend and daughter ever.

I wish I could clone myself and hang with.. um myself.

**AN God I am the queen of posting!**

**What did you sexy thangs think hmm?**

**XOX Mel**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Don't own sad face**

**Thank you thank you everyone who reviewed I will be putting up the reviewers names next chapter I just really wanted to get this out as soon as I could but Jared and Paul humps to those of you who reviewed.**

**Chapter 17:**

**The Crazy Has Landed**

**KPOV**

I know that like a lot of people hate wrapping presents but I honestly love it. I'm not sure exactly why but I always have. And I am one of those people who like ribbon the shit out of my gifts but I like them to look pretty.

I had made a quick stop on the way home for some gift boxes, wrapping paper, double sided tape, and of course ribbon before heading home.

I pulled out all of my gifts and put the bags on one arm, held my wrapping paper and the fish in one hand and slung Tatum's bag over my shoulder before gabbing him and the car seat in the other hand and made my way into the house and up to my room with all my stuff and the baby.

I am the mother fucking queen of multitasking!

I set everything on my bed including Tate and went over to my desk to grab my scissors, walked back to my bed.

I looked around at my gits and decided that first things I needed to do was get the Betta fish into his new home, so I went into my bathroom and filled his bowl with room temperature water and plopped him into it before putting him down on my desk. I had decided that I wouldn't be wrapping him up, like until the last minute.

I walked over to the boxes and picked the deepest one checked to make sure that the bowl would fit inside it and saw that it would before wrapping the bottom of the box and popping holes into the top.

Now I know that fish do not need oxygen like let's say a puppy would but come on, I would feel bad if it like died or something in the box.

I then started wrapping up all my other gifts and was happy to see that after like thirty minutes everything was pretty in it's triple ho wrapping paper and ribbons.

I stood up and moved all the presents under my tiny fake tree that I had had forever. It was like three feet tall maybe and had fiber-optic lights on it that changed colors. It was a great fake tree and was just for my room. When I was little it was my festive night light and now I just loved it. I had made some little glass ornaments for it and I made a huge bow out of thick ribbon as a tree topper that then went around the tree.

I loved it, it was a very me tree.

Tate started to whine so I fed him and then was patting his back as Jared came through my window.

I gave him a smile and kept up with Tate until he gave a lusty belch that made me giggle and I set him down in his carrier after quickly changing his diaper.

I saw Jared covertly looking over at the tree in quick glances and had to smile.

I had a toddler when it came to gifts apparently on my hands.

"Go ahead you can look at them," I said and gave a small laugh as he rushed over to the gifts and found his in like five seconds, which had been in the very back to give a little bit of perspective.

"What is it Kimmy?" he said as he shook the box. It didn't make any noise because of all the tissue paper I had filled it with.

"Hmm? Oh a butt plug, I'm really excited for you to wear it."

I should get an Oscar for how casually I said that without laughing.

He cocked an eyebrow and shrugged a bit. Shut the fuck up! Ok weird thing about me sexually, I had always found um like man on man action extremely hot. Not sure why, I mean that was why I had bought my bi sexual porno and now he was acting like taking it was no big deal?

I know I am a bit of a perv but it really turned me on.

He smiled after inhaling and sent me a dark look as he put his present down and started to stalk towards me.

"Does that turn you on Kimmy?"

Is it annoying for anyone else when people ask questions that they already know the answers to? I mean come on you can smell me retard.

My brain may have been bitchy and sarcastic, but my body was all limp and nodding like a simpleton listening to Einstein theories.

I honestly couldn't answer verbally as he slowly stalked towards me like a jungle cat... or wolf, his eyes giving off sexual promises that I couldn't help but melt under.

He crouched over my bed and climbed up my body pressing a kiss here and there until I was flat on my back and he was cuddled between my thighs and his mouth was nuzzling my neck as I panted in an embarrassing loudly way.

"Does it Kimmy?" his whisper sending heat over the damp skin he had just licked sending chills up and down my spine.

What the hell was he talking about? Cleo was rolling her eyes as she scoffed at the boy for thinking it was even remotely possible for me to respond in my current state.

God but I do love my dumb ass.

I just moaned in what I hoped was a affirmative way and pressed my hips closer to his.

I felt more then heard the rumbled purr he gave in reaction and pressed even closer at the animalistic sound.

He ground his erection closer to my heat and finally made his way up to my mouth giving me an earth shattering kiss. I couldn't hear anything over the roar of arousal I was feeling.

He continued to kiss me as his hot hands scorched a path under my shirt and up towards my bra covered breasts.

My hips thrust on their own accord as he pulled the cups down and began circling my nipple. I moaned and groaned until I felt an orgasm fastly approaching. I dug my nails into his jean clad ass and gave myself over to the raging storm I was feeling as he rubbed me just the right way.

No joke, there are no words really to describe how amazing I felt in that moment. It was like the first time I heard the Beatles, mixed with vibrators, Jared kisses and then dipped in chocolate... with sprinkles... and maybe a cinnamon roll with icing on the side. Like that awesome.

Also why did my explanation involve so much food?

Hmm maybe I should think about this later.

I came down from my high and kissed Jared as he continued to grind into my extremely sensitive flesh causing me to jerk with spastic painful pleasure.

And that was when we were hit with a double whammy, Tate began to cry and the wolves began to howl.

"Are they fucking serious? !" Jared growled as he gave a small whimper when I brushed my hand against his protruding jeans.

I really wanted to cry, like tears may have come to my eyes, because I had been working on what I can only assume would have been the biggest O of my life.

Tate continued to cry so I wiggled myself out from under Jared and picked him up as I grabbed his bottle, having a brief flash of understanding why mothers just go postal and shoot up a grocery store with their infants in their shopping carts, before turning back to Jared who was panting trying to get himself under control before wolfing it up.

I sighed sadly and shook my head as Tate gave a small burp and then coo before making a small snoring sound.

The wolves however would not be so kind as to go lay by their big doggy dish or something. Maybe chew on a elephants bone if we go by Paul's size as a reference.

Trying to think of something to get his mind off the murder that was raging in his eyes as the wolves continued to howl I said the first thing that came to my mind, "Hey babe, if you have a boner when you go wolf will you get that gross little pink thing dogs get after they hump someone's leg?"

Jared looked at me in silence before laughing like a loon and shaking his head at me before giving me a swift kiss and then lunging out of my window.

I shrugged my shoulders and laid down with a snoring Tatum on my chest as I thought that it was a perfectly reasonable question.

XOXOXOXOXO

On Christmas Eve Eve, that would be the day before Christmas Eve, I was told that I would be meeting Sam and his fiancee Emily.

To say that I was nervous would probably be a lie, I mean with my winning personality who could resist me.

So with that going through my over inflated sense of self I walked with Jared and Paul to the outskirts of town and went to the little yellow cabin they lived in right after school.

Tate was being carried by Paul and I was actually not walking... as much as piggy back riding on my wolf man.

"Hey, Agent 11, do you think they will like me?" Hmm, maybe I was not as confident as I led on.

"Of course they will," Jared said as his hand slid dangerously up my thigh.

What a perv.

"Kim, who is Agent 11?" Paul asked as he swung the baby back and forth making me snap at him that if he dropped the carrier and the baby was hurt that I would take him to the vet and have his balls removed.

"See Spot Run, great movie, a little ya know stupid but I watched it a million times when I was a kid. It's about this dog who takes down a drug cartel, oh and he eats this guys balls if I remember correctly."

Both boys moaned in obvious sympathy and we finally arrived at the house.

A huge man walked out of the house as we came closer and I waved at him.

He gave a small smile and said, "It is nice to meet you Kim."

I smiled at him as I said, "Are you the one who keeps making Jared leave at bad times?"

Interesting start.

He chuckled a bit and gave me a nod as he stepped to the side and let us in.

I was over whelmed by the scent of cinnamon rolls as I walked into the warm room, it was very homey but was currently being occupied by huge man wolf boys.

"Hey everybody!" I shouted from a top Jared's back.

"Kim!" they shouted back a la Norm.

I waved at the boys and tapped Jared to let him know that I was ready to be set down and then gave the boys all hugs.

Emily walked into the room, whipping her hands off and gave me a smile, as she came forward and gave me a hug.

Emily had been hurt by a 'bear' and had some scars on her face but she was still really quite lovely.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you, Jared talks about you all the time," she said as she released me.

"Oh he does, does he. Hopefully all good, and not how I totally kicked his ass once."

"Kim you broke your hand on my face."

I glared at him, "A _boxer's _fracture. And I could kick your ass if I wanted. You know with like a baseball bat or something."

He rolled his eyes at me and draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his heated side. He gave everyone a look that said isn't she just the cutest thing you have ever seen, which of course pissed me royally off.

I scowled at him and then looked over at Quil who was wearing a Mickey Mouse t shirt and blurted, "Did you know Mickey Mouse was banned in Romania?"

All the boys sighed at my craziness including Sam... I guess he had seen enough stuff in their heads to expect it from me. Emily looked at me for a moment and laughed as she shook her head and told us to eat.

And that basically set the tone for my first official meeting with the pack.

XOXOXOXOXO

Jared and Paul walked me home before handing me Tate to take of for Christmas Eve and into Christmas because they had to do quick little patrols for a couple days and promised that they and the boys would come over the day after Christmas to exchange gifts and Paul would then take Tate for the next two days.

I sighed happily and skipped inside glad that the other wolf girl and I had hit it off.

I said hi to Mom and Ben before taking myself up the stairs and into my room to listened to some music before taking a shower and then finishing a little project Beatie had sent home that took about an hour and a half.

I then crawled into my bed just ready for tomorrow and then the fun I would have later.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I woke up early Christmas Eve morning and headed down the stairs after getting dressed in a red t-shirt and dark wash jeans to the smell of sausage cooking, and possibly pancakes with a fed and changed Tatum in my arms.

I smiled at Mom happily as I saw her standing in front of the stove in her white button down, covered with a blue vest with her black pants on as she flipped the pancakes without a spatula, just so you know it is wicked sweet and I hope some day I am able to do it.

"Morning mama, where is Ben?" I asked as I snagged a sausage link from the pan she had set them on.

"He is taking a shower, Kimmy I just want to tell you how very much I appreciate you acting like an adult about my relationship with Ben," she said as she flipped the finished pancake onto a plate that she then put into the oven to keep warm.

"Mom, I have thought of Ben as my father figure for most of my life, and even if I didn't, I love and respect you too much to ever think that I have the right to dictate your life. I mean we may have been on our own for most of my life but I am your daughter not your keeper."

Mom gave me a big smile as she finished another giant pancake and nodded silently before saying, "Before you make this weird because you get uncomfortable I need to tell you that I am so very proud of the woman you have become. Now then when your aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins get here I do not want you to pick a fight with any of them, I know they annoy you because they always ask me for things but it is Christmas Eve and that means you have to swallow down your feelings of annoyance and deal with the crazies in the family. Everyone does."

I laughed a little at that and swore that I would not deliberately start anything with anyone, giving myself a few small loop holes should the need arise.

Ben came in dressed in a green sweater and jeans and gave Mom and me both kisses on the heads before sitting down next to me and taking Tate from my arms, putting him in my old high chair Mom had dug out and we all made plates as we smiled and chatted a bit.

Ben had actually spent every holiday with us since he had become Mom's accountant because his parents had died when he was young leaving him sibling-less and he had lived with his grandparents until their death when he was twenty.

"So when do the crazies arrive, well the crazies who are annoying at least," he said as he snagged a sausage and ruffled my hair. I gave him a faux glare and snagged the sausage he had just his nearly empty plate before popping it in my mouth.

Gross that had a lot of innuendos in it.

SO as I shuddered on the inside, I groaned as Ben's question was answered by the ringing of the doorbell.

I do not enjoy my extended family, honestly I was happiest on Christmas day because it was just the three of us, with Billy, Jake and Rachel. Not the stressed out reunion that was about to start.

First my aunt Lisa and her four daughters came in the door, Debra, Kendra, Lou-Anne, and Candy.

They all had two children a piece and those kids did not know how to behave on the whole. Like if you had two at a time they were usually well behaved but get all eight together and it was like an atomic bomb going off, scary, powerful and destructive.

Also my older cousins all treat me like I am seven years old, even though the oldest is only ten years older then me and the youngest is two. Yeah Candy has two kids and is only 18 months older then me.

C R A Z Y.

Candy gave a snide look as she ushered in her brood and then stood there staring at me, trying to find a blemish or something I am sure.

I honestly dread the day that I will have to introduce Jared to these people because if I want to run away when they are near what will the man with no blood ties do?

Next came my funny Uncle Rich and his sweet wife Jan. They lived in New York and Rich worked at Columbia and Jan was a struggling Broadway singer.

Next came my grandpa Burt and his girlfriend Lil. Lil had never liked me (I think it's because my aunt had always told her horrible stories about me) and then lastly it was my aunt Kitty and her son Toby. Kitty and Toby were hands down my favorite relatives but they lived so far away from us that we rarely saw them, especially since Kitty was a computer programer and Toby was busy with his eventful life is middle school.

Mom hugged everyone, but Lil since she hates Mom too, and then ushered everyone into the den. I gave Kitty and Toby hugs, along with Rich and Jan before falling back into my safety net that was Ben.

"Did you see the way the viper was looking at you? I mean I know she has baby number three on the way but I was afraid she thought you were the main course," Ben whispered in an amused voice.

I bumped his shoulder with mine and just shook my head at his antics.

My aunt Lisa and Candy broke away from the group and sat down with Lil to talk trash and the like.

God, if they didn't share some chromosomes with me I would so never see them again.

Actually I could do it anyway but Mom would probably be disappointed.

The little kids ran around our Christmas tree and shouted at each other as Debra, Kendra and Lou-Anne started to bicker a little bit.

Grandpa, who is actually amazing (despite his taste in women) sat down next to Rich, Jan, Kitty and Toby and started talking about the musical Jan was auditioning for.

I heard the doorbell ring again and I went to open it, leaving Ben alone to the wolves... well not wolves since they are loveable... oh I know, the rabid man-eating hairless moles.

Gross.

I opened the door and found Jared standing there in a blue sweater (which was odd enough since he was always a toasty temp thanks to the wolf thing) and he smiled at me.

I was slowly becoming horrified.

_Oh no, oh no, oh no._

He kissed my cheek as he said, "You going to invite me in sweetheart?"

I shook my head frantically as I thought about Candy getting her press on nails into him and didn't even notice the odd look he gave me before he just lifted me up and moved me aside though my arms were still outstretched in a futile attempt to block his entrance into crazy town.

I mean at least my crazy is fun, their crazy is like John Wayne Gacy in full clown make up cutting up dead bodies-crazy.

I whimpered a little when he just shook his head at me and grabbed my hand.

Think Kim, Think.

Oh maybe you can entice him away with sexual favors.

That was my only idea and I think Cleo volunteered it.

But honestly in my oxygen depleted brain (I think I hadn't breathed since he came in through the door) it sounded like a solid plan. Like my family wouldn't notice that I just disappeared, and from past experiences we know that I am a screamer, moaner and drill Sargent.

Yeah they will never expect.

"Jared, run away before they see you, I love you too much to let you go into the rabid man eating naked mole rats layer," I whispered frantically.

Jared laughed at me, like what I had said was a fucking joke, IT WASN'T, and then pulled me in front of the family.

Like the eye of the storm, it was chill for a little bit, and then Candy's bitchy voice said, "Is this your paid escort? I mean I know you have a ton of cash, but I don't think you could pay this guy enough money to hold your hand."

Isn't she just delightful?

Lisa gave a fake smile to me and said, "Who is this _boy, _Kimberley?" she emphasized the boy part like I was a fucking molester or something. I mean come the fuck on Jared looked at least 24

I hate this.

I cleared my throat after Grandpa sent me a pointed look and Kitty looked like she was about to jump out of her skin with excitement.

I cleared my throat nervously and said, "Um, everyone this is my boyfriend Jared," I was desperately clinging to his hand as if that alone was going to keep him from running away from the volcanic eruption of psycho that was about to explode.

It did oh sweet baby Buddha, please please please let them be kind of normal.

"So are you with her because she is slutty?" Candy asked, like she has any room to speak about being loose.

"Hmm, are you in a gang?" Lisa asked.

Kitty smiled and got up to talk to him as Grandpa grumbled about his youngest granddaughter growing up to fast, Uncle Rich was trying to get Jan to stop singing a number from her musical and Ben just shook his head next to Mom who was putting out cookies.

The crazy has landed.

**A.N First off so so soooo sorry it took me so long god real life has been kicking my ass, examples my bff is preggers to her boyfriend who is a huge cheater, my aunt and mom are in this big fight, and my kitty who I have had since fourth grade died.**

**But I will be getting the next chapter out before this Friday, probably before I am just giving me a little wiggle room, so please review I have been having a hell of a time.**

**XOXO Mel**


	18. Chapter 18

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**Chapter 18: Want Us To Leave So You Can Fuck?**

**KPOV**

Jared stood stunned in front of the onslaught of insanity.

Toby ran over and said in a serious voice, "If you hurt Kimmy I will Nerf gun you into next week."

It was kind of sweet in a weird way.

Jared smiled at him and told him that he would expect nothing less.

I wanted to run away so badly.

I took his hand and walked over to Kitty's group and sat next to her as I gripped Jared's hand and introduced him to them.

Jan began asking him what his grades were and what his favorite musical was.

I was completely shocked that he knew any let alone that Suessical the Musical was his favorite because he had seen it in sixth grade.

I tried to calm myself as the rest of the pack came closer.

Lil sneered at him and asked how many times he had been arrested. Jared looked at her with a quirked eyebrow and responded with, "I have lost count, ma'am, I was keepin' a tally with my liney-figures, but don't cha just know it, I had to throws it aways after thems lineys got to high in numbers. Tarnation."

Oh dear baby Barack Obama he thinks they will get his dumb Larry the cable guy southerner jokes. I wanted to scream at him that these people were part Indian WASPs and as such had _zero _sense of humor.

Even though my cousins were trashy, they still behaved like they were born into Beverley Hills and not Forks General.

Even though I knew just thinking it would jinx myself but I did it anyway, the words 'well it can't get any worse' floated through my brain like a bird in a tornado, quickly and with fatal consequences for the bird( I am the bird, I think, in my scenario... or maybe the words were) and then the shit hit the fan, which if you really picture in your heads for a second... gross right. Yeah that went all over my sanity.

"Yes, I figured as much, now then Jerard, tell me, have you by chance gotten any females pregnant, including Kimberley?" Lisa asked with a freakishly feline facial expression.

My inner dork high fived myself for the alliteration.

FOCUS KIM!

Jared looked shocked for a minute before slowly shaking his head in the negative as I mentally walked over to the nearest wall and started to bang myself on the wall until the imaginary concussion took me to my happy place... which is a naked Jared... RAWR!

God, I must have ADHD.

Candy gave a scary smile before saying, "I heard that Kim was, how do I put this delicately, well I suppose a twenty-five cent hooker would do nicely, so is it true."

I wanted to shout at stupid fucking Candy that being malicious towards a wolf's imprint in front of the wolf, hell directing it specifically at the wolf was a big fucking no no.

But then, I am a bitch and smiled smugly at the throw down that was about to happen at any minute.

Any minute now.

Maybe he is just warming up.

Any second now.

Jared sat with his fists clutched so tightly that his knuckles were white against his smooth silk like copper skin, not now, and I could see a tick in his cheek that was honestly fascinating.

Well since he was going to be respectful to my hateful hoochie cousin I guess I was going to have to man up.

"Nope still no sex yet, hey Candy I heard you were pregnant again so like what does this make, four?" I said with a too innocent smile. Cow.

XOXO 

The rest of the time that Jared was there wasn't all that bad, however that could be because he left after an hour to go patrol.

Candy was bitchy the whole time but that was nothing new and Lil and Lisa just glared at him and made snide comments about how I would be pregnant soon.

God I hate them.

The family left after opening presents and I thanked Jan (who had my name) for the New York tote.

After everyone was gone, Mom, Ben and I all collapsed at the same time on various furniture and sighed in unison.

"They are so crazy."

Mom and I nodded in agreement with Ben's statement before he added, "Jared seemed to handle it well, it must be from all your insanity Kimmy-Cobra."

I threw a pillow at him and then plopped myself back down.

Tate, who had been weirdly quiet all day began to cry so I hefted myself off the couch and took care of him before telling my family that I was going to bed.

I crawled into bed after taking off my clothes and then collapsed into sleep.

XOXOXOXOXO

I woke up so excited on Christmas, because honestly I love love love it.

I grabbed Mom and Ben's present before going downstairs with Tate in my pajamas.

I saw Mom popping the cinnamon rolls in the oven and Ben topping of three coffee cups.

"Merry Christmas!" I shouted as I gave them both hugs and kisses on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Kimmy-Cobra," Ben said around his coffee mug as Mom gave me a kiss and a whispered Merry Christmas.

We left the cinnamon rolls to bake and then went into the family room where our real Christmas tree was set up.

We sat down and gave each other the gifts we had gotten.

I opened mine and Mom and Ben oohed and ahhed over what they themselves had given me before it was Ben's turn. He opened the gag gift I gave him (Accounting for Dummies) and Mom's gift to him which was an old time movie that they were both obsessed with.

Mom opened her gag gift from me (a apron that said Don't mess with me, I know how to wield a butcher knife with finesse. And then something happened that I honest to god was not expecting.

Ben, loveable goofy Ben, got down on one knee and opened up a tiny Tiffany blue jewelery box with a diamond that could put your eye out front and center.

Not going to lie, even though no one was proposing to me I started to hyperventilate and tears sprang into my eyes.

"Karen, I bought this ring before Kimmy-Cobra's tenth birthday party for you. I have been in love with you and Kim since the first time I met you an I cannot imagine one day without you being in my life. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, I know that I will probably make you want to tear your hair out but I will always always make you smile. So will you marry me?"

Silent tears streamed down my face as I nodded frantically, hoping she would say yes and finally make Ben my official dad.

Mom tore her eyes away from Ben and looked at me, saw my crazed nodding and laughed breathlessly, and then said, "It took you long enough Fathead," before flinging herself into his arms and kissing his face all over as she repeatedly stated her love for him.

I am dumb so I applauded like it was the perfect end to a romantic play I was watching. I am honestly surprised I didn't start shouting Bravo.

Mom and Ben pulled apart for a minute an opened their arms, which I fell into.

"I love you both so much." all three of us stated at the same time.

I sighed happily and cuddled into them like I was a child.

Into the arms of my parents.

After that I had kind of forgotten about my present to them until Mom, gasped, "Oh Benny, we have a present from Kimmy."

I kind of wanted to gag just a little bit at the Benny thing but whatever.

Ben, who's arm was wrapped around Mom's shoulders smiled at me as she ripped into the box. Haha Mama, enjoy trying to get that gift out.

She opened the box, and wouldn't you know it there was another wrapped present inside it.

Opened that one, gasp another box.

In total, and because I am an ass, Mom had to open six boxes, and three envelopes before she actually got to the trip.

She kept giving me glares at each new box and or envelope by the fourth box and had just started to glare at me the whole time she opened one.

She got to the actual gift as she continues to glare and when she looked down, feeling that it wasn't another envelope she gave a squeal and grabbed Ben before exclaiming, "She got us a trip!" Then she launched her smaller form at me with a happy cry.

"I just thought that you guys could use a break from all the stress and everything, you know," I said to Ben around my crying mother who was saying incoherent sentences about how I was the best daughter anyone had ever had, and that she was so glad she had slept with my tool of a father because she got me out of the deal. In front of me...and her fiance.

I do wonder where I get the word vomit from.

Tate started to cry, so I got up and took care of him as they tried to decide when they could with both their schedules.

XOXOXOXO

To be totally honest the rest of the day was pretty chill until Jake, Billy and Rachel came over.

Billy wheeled in first and like instantly locked on the rock mom was sporting and gave a whoop(that kind of reminded me of the war cries in Brave Heart) and gave everybody hugs and started chatting with Ben before Jake and Rachel even made it through the door.

Jake sauntered in next and I guess he had heard because he completely ignored me, walked over towards the group, gave Ben this very dirty look and then gave my mom a kiss on her cheek.

I don't know if it is a Y chromosome thing or a weird wolf thing but it seems like they all are overprotective over the weirdest reasons.

Rachel came in and ran into my body pining me to the wall behind me before smacking my mouth with a loud, sloppy kiss.

I felt a bit violated to be totally honest.

"Merry Christmas Lovah," she said with a drawl.

I looked over at the family for some help but they were all just walking into the dining room ignoring the fact that my best friend was about to possibly rape me.

Assholes.

I began to struggle against Rachel's hold, and all though she may be smaller and weigh less however she was freakishly strong.

I stopped trying to get away and just hung there as I said, "Merry Christmas, psychopath."

She smiled at me winningly and then let me go before wrapping her arm in mine and pulled me into the dining room.

Everyone was sitting at the table talking as Mom puttered around in the kitchen finishing the turkey she had started earlier as Jacob ate his weight in leftover cinnamon rolls.

I sat down in my spot and listened to the conversation going on about cars or something which made me honestly snore, so I was grateful when Tate began to cry.

I mean Rach jumped into the conversation with a carburetor this, and a cylinder that but it just sounded like hospital jargon to me.

I changed and fed Tate and then when I heard Jared's name started listening again.

"Yeah so we were all trying to decide what the Rabbit needed and then Jared just slid right under the car and found that we were in need of a master cylinder," Jake commented before shoving half of the roll into his face.

Horrible table manners honestly.

I pictured Jared, half naked with grease all over his body, muscles rippling as he leaned his body into the car hood and gave a small quiver and sigh.

God my wolf is sexy, even in my imagination.

Although I yet have seen him in wolf form... yeah that is going to have to happen soon, to be honest. I mean my boyfriend turned into a puppy like for real that is awesome.

"Is that cool Kim?"

I looked up blinking my eyes as I displaced the image of me playing with a puppy who then turned into my man.

"What?" I asked oh so intelligently.

Jacob just shook his head and repeated what I can only assume was what he had said before, "I said, do you want to wait until tomorrow for the three of us to exchange gifts with the pack... of um guys?" he added the last bit quickly as he looked at Ben who was watching Mom bend over and check the turkey.

Creepy, but cute.

I smiled at Jake and Rach and nodded before I looked back at Ben and saw him get up and help Mom with something before kissing her softly and giving her a hug.

My smile became face splitting and I was so unbelievably happy that they had gotten together.

I pulled myself away from that an then started talking to Billy about his fishing. I was secretly thrilled because I had gotten him like the mack daddy of fishing equipment.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Mom, who may be on crack, decided that not only did she want to go home with Ben tonight (guess why) but that it was perfectly ok for Rachel _and _Jacob could spend the night.

So after hugs, thank yous for gifts received and goodbyes the three of us were left alone.

To be totally honest I would not be surprised in the least if the house caught on fire tonight.

We, meaning, Rachel and Jake, had decided that we should have a slumber party in the den.

Oh yeah, three crazy people sleeping in the same room, with alcohol a hop skip and a liquor cabinet away.

Can anyone guess what Rachel did the minute we were in there?

Correct, she went to the cabinet and started to pull the stuff out and concoct something that I am sure would be delicious, but would probably make my lips on and lead to memory loss.

But I was still going to do it now wasn't I?

We sat around, pulled out Monopoly (Nightmare before Christmas Edition) and as I began to dish out the money and Jake checked to make sure that the property cards were in the correct order that he liked and put the houses and hotels in front of Rachel's spot.

That was the way we had always played, even when other people joined us.

Rach brought the drinks over and we began to play.

XOXOXOXOXOX

"I wants your or-a-nge Rashel so whats do I has to do to gets it?" I slurred as I weaved around.

Jake had already passed out after he had had to mortgage all of his properties.

"You has to give me yous pink and a 5 millions, I mean fives hunderd dollars," Rach slurred in reply.

I handed them over and then promptly fell asleep.

XOXOXOXOXOX

I woke up with a dead rat wrapped in shit and pubes taste in my mouth.

I groaned myself awake and looked around. I had fallen asleep on the Monopoly game and had a house stuck to my cheek from the feeling of it.

Rach was asleep still with her money clutched in her hand and Jake was no where to be seen, maybe he had to go patrol or something.

I picked my ass up off the floor, picked the house and hotel off my cheek, and Jack's Tower of my forehead before walking very slowly up the stairs.

God I felt like ass.

I walked into my bathroom, turning on my dimmer so that I had basically candlelight in my bathroom and made my way into the shower.

My body hurt and I swear I could smell the... whatever the hell Rachel had concocted seeping out of my pores.

I scrubbed for what seemed like hours as I simultaneously brushed my teeth until my breath was fresh and I smelled of lilacs and sweet pea.

I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and then turned off the water before walking on to the towel I had set on the floor and I rubbed my hand across the condensation that had formed on my mirror and I looked in the mirror.

Much better.

I rubbed my body and hair with a towel and then took out my contacts that were burning my corneas since I had slept with them in, and put on my glasses.

I brushed my hair, and feeling free for some reason, I walked into my room naked and saw Jake.

We both screamed and he covered his eyes quickly as he said, "Eww, naked Kim!"

I spun quickly and put on my kimono and screeched, "Why the hell are you in here? And Fuck you very much. Eww indeed!"

His hand was still covering his face as he yelled back, "Everyone is coming over soon and I knocked on the door, let myself in... god don't you wear a towel you... you nudist? !"

"It's my goddamn room Jacob! What the hell were you thinking, what if I had been masturbating?"

"It's daytime."

I started to laugh uproariously after the silence that statement caused. Like seriously hormones were directly connected to

the position of the sun.

"So now the whole pack will have two wolves thinking about me naked. I really should start working out so that it is at least worth thinking about," I sighed as I walked around him and went to my closet to grab a skirt and a button up I had. I grabbed a belt and then went to my dresser and grabbed a pair

of matching lingerie and started toward the bathroom as Jake said, "Actually Kimmy your rocking that hot like pin up girl look ya know, curves in all the right places."

I had to give him a hug because well, ask any girl why and she will get it.

And at that moment of me hugging him while I was in a fastly and loosely tied kimono after him saying I was hot Jared burst in the door growling like a lion... or wolf.

Perhaps a liger.

Not the time since he was about to tear apart my little buddy.

"Jared calm down," I said as he crouched down in an offensive position getting ready to tear into poor little Jakey.

"Did he or did he not just see you naked and then comment on it?" he growled I mean he was like kind of vibrating as fast as a tuning fork.

It was hot.

I felt myself getting wet as I looked at him and he lunged, though not at Jake like I thought he would but at me, causing me to fall on my bed.

He rubbed me an bit my neck a bit but had this scary look in his eyes as he pinned them on Jake who quickly and quietly made his way out of the room.

I was kind of really digging the whole jealous thing, however you have to put a stop to this type of behavior so I smacked his shoulder and wiggled myself in an attempt to get out from beneath him.

"Ok Kujo, think you can chill out now that you have obviously made your neanderthal like point?" I asked him pointedly.

Slowly sanity returned to my canines mind and he shook his head and his eyes cleared from the crazed light.

He looked down at me and his mouth opened.

Oh yeah I could feel the damn hickey he had given me when he was marking his territory.

Fucking tool.

"Oh, Kimmy I am so sorry I kind of..."

"Lost your head there for a minute? Yeah I know that is why I didn't knee you in the balls."

Also it was fuck hot and made me want to hump you I added silently.

Tate cried from his carrier and like the well pussy whipped man he was he jumped up and ran to Tate as he took care of him.

Yes dance little poodle dance.

I got up from the bed and picked up the clothes I had dropped mid pounce and shrugged as I dropped my kimono and started getting dressed not worrying about cellulite or anything since imprinting came with a bonus of your wolf thinking you were the hottest thing no matter what.

I heard a gasp behind me before Tate burped. Good baby is happy now and poor daddy is probably becoming painfully aroused.

Feeling a bit wicked I bent over as I pulled my lace thong up my legs and over my ass before arching my back to put on my bra, and then bending again to put on my skirt. Before turning around and watching my man pant with fixed eyes as I slowly buttoned my shirt and then snapped my large belt thing under my breasts.

I had my wolf panting and quivering as I looked at him and put my hair in a messy bun and slipped on the red heals I had picked. Before I turned my back and sauntered away.

Ha ha. Kim is winning whatever the hell he started, or maybe I started whatever it was, but the important thing is that I am winning.

I opened the door and in tumbled Jake, Paul, Rachel, Embry and Quil.

They all looked at me sheepishly from their positions on the floor and I shook my head sadly at their idiocy. I need new friends.

I shook my head in disappointment and looked at the tree in my bedroom that was home to all their presents at the moment and sighed as I said, "Go get your gifts from downstairs perverts, we will do the gift exchange up here."

They took one look at the tree with the presents and ran downstairs to get theirs.

I turned and looked at a still shell shocked Jared and put extra huskiness into my voice as I said, "Go get my present, Scrappy Doo."

He nodded dumbly and ran downstairs as I started to separate the presents.

Everyone came back in and I handed them each their gift telling Embry to be especially careful.

They each handed out their gifts also and I smiled as we picked one persons set of gifts to open.

They picked mine and each took a turn opening their gifts.

I had gotten Jake six new pairs of shoes, Converse, Etnies, DC, Air-Walk, Nike, Sketchers, because Billy had told me that most of his were gone thanks to wolfing it up.

Rachel got a new sculpture piece that I had made her that was a vase and I had made a glass bouquet that went inside it. It had honestly taken me weeks.

Quil flipped his lid once I showed him how to work the zombie shirt and just sat there with it covering his face. He had put the aviators over it.

Embry gave me a huge hug as he looked at his fish and the bookends.

Paul gave me a kiss and a whispered thanks for the Kung fu movies because Rach had been talking about one a couple days ago, and Jared's reaction to his dog tags was amazing.

He opened them read the inscription, gave a small chuckle and then gave me a sultry look and said, "So you are my mistress, hmm Kimberley?"

I panted a bit.

We opened the rest of the gifts and I got a dirty gift bag that Rachel, Paul, Quil, Embry and Jake had all gone in together for. Seriously the thing was full and about three times the size of a brown paper bag from the store. After pulling out the ball gag I had to save it for later because of how hard core my blush was.

I looked around and saw that everyone was looking at me as I opened the box Jared had gotten for me.

I pulled up the top and a furry black head stuck out with a tongue lolling out.

"I asked your mom, if I could get you a puppy, and after she said yes, I found this guy and thought he was for you."

My amazing boyfriend had gotten me a Newfoundland puppy.

Tears came to my eyes as I looked at the little puppy, who I knew would get huge and I looked up and smiled at Jared.

He looked so proud of himself that it was kind of adorable.

Rachel, being the bitch she is had to ruin it by saying, "Want us to leave so you can fuck?"

**A.N Yay another chapter! SO what did you think. Oh and I just have to tell you guys about this. **

**I was watching 101 Dalmatians because I am like a dork and stuff anyway one of the guys who worked on the film was called Dick Ung.**

**DICK UNG!**

**God I almost died laughing.**

**Tell me what you thought.**

**XO Mel**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi!**

Chapter 19 EVERYONE IS FUCKING WITH MY ORGASMS

There is something seriously wrong with my best friend is the only thing that I have come to fully expect out of life, that and yeah I wish I was fucking Jared.

"You are such a bitch," I said dead pan. I may be an overly sexed American virgin but you know the puppy and Tate can hear her. I mean who says something like that in front of impressionable youth? "And also if I were to fuck him it would not be in front of an audience… at least not for the first time and definitely not in front of you don't think I don't know you would make comments the whole time you psychopath."

"Wait Kim that is the problem you would have with having sex in front of Rachel? That she would make comments about your performance?" Jake asked incredulously.

"Well, of course I would make comments Kimmy, if you can't depend on your best friend to improve your porn-ish abilities who can you depend on? I mean I don't want you to look like you are sucking on an overly large chili dog, you remember like when you did three years ago and it looked like you had been attacked by an alien life form who had chili cum and a thing for girls face and hair. How did you get that in your hair by the way?" Rachel asked.

"How the hell should I know Rachel? It was chili dog time and I was enjoying myself."

"Seriously do you two hear what you are saying?"

"And furthermore I thought we had come to the decision that alien ejaculate is going to be rainbow colored and taste like skittles."

"Kim that was after you and I had smoked a fat one, read that site on bad pick up lines, and you were positive that Jared must be an alien because you kept repeating that his butt was out of this world."

"Hey bitch you agreed with me!"

"I repeat: we had smoked a fat one. If you had said that Paris Hilton was god's gift to virginal monks I would have agreed."

"What is wrong with you two? You are embarrassing me in front of the pack!"

"Wait a minute; didn't we also decide that day that you and I were going to name our first born sons after ninja turtles?"

"Yeah, and I swear to god I am holding you to that. Middle names don't count Kimberley."

"Fair enough." I looked away from Rachel and saw that everyone had a rapt expression of horror and humor on their faces, except for Jake who for some reason was hiding underneath my bed moaning about injustice.

Jakey is a weird one.

"So any ways what are you going to name the puppy?" Rachel asked shrugging at the boys' odd behavior.

"I don't know yet you can't make life altering decisions for a baby at the drop of the hat. I mean imagine what a different world it would me if Paris's parents had named her like Ghandi or Mandela," I replied.

"You know Kimmy sometimes you are like Plato with that shit. I'm telling you Kindergarten teacher"

I nodded at those sage and oh so truthful words.

"I seriously don't know how you crazy chicks have ended up on the horrific conclusion that either of you should ever be involved in the development young and impressionable minds, but honestly I think that when Kim and Jared have kids in like ten years as soon as she pops that thing out we should grab it and run until it is like 17, just to make sure that they don't corrupt the pup." Embry said his voice quiet with astonishment.

"Gross Kim, you are going to have litters of puppies, no wait that might be adorable can we get them matching collars and name tags, like bone shaped ones, I'll be their emergency phone number."

"Thanks Rach." Wait what had we been talking about. Oh yes sexing up my wolf man. I looked over at said wolf man and winked at him to let him know that I wanted to play hide the dog biscuit, sometime in the near future.

I think that was quite possibly the weirdest thing I have ever thought. Oh well shrug it off.

Distracted now, maybe I have ADD I looked at my puppy who I had been absently scratching behinds the ears and smiled at his cute, bliss filled face.

"Want to do something? With the puppy? I'm getting bored." Yeah I should probably get the ADD thing checked out.

"Oh oh!" Rachel jumped excitedly around on her butt waving her arm like a crazy person.

"Yes Rachel?"

"Kindergarten teacher for real real. We should have a nerf war!"

What says Christmas cheer and good will to men better then angry curses and neon orange guns?

"I have my weaponry in the game room!"

"Kim has a game room?"

"Kim has weaponry?"

Rachel and I looked over at Paul with dumbstruck looks on our faces. My mom is a millionaire, what kind of Kim would I be without one?

Shrugging off my assumption that Paul likes to chew on sticks painted with lead when he does it doggy style, I got up and raced Rachel down the stairs trying not to trip on my big foot puppy… oh maybe Sasquatch would be a good name, and just beat her to the game room.

"Huzzah!"

I walked into the game room and flipped the light switch. I had filled it with a karaoke machine, pool table, old school Ms. Packman and Galaga machines and a pinball machine. And on the walls like a Bond movie were my guns.

Shit was about to go down.

Dancing around the room like a crazy person I armed myself and ran outside to find a good spot, puppy on my ass the whole way.

Probably would be easier to hide from the wolves if, it hadn't snowed, I didn't have my little buddy with, and you know if they weren't werewolves with heightened senses, but whatever I could probably be Rambo if I wanted.

If he wasn't a fictional character.

And if I had a dick.

Eh, I am a modern woman, I want to be a fictional Sylvester character I can do it.

I found a good evergreen bush that was a bit far into the woods and I hunkered down with the puppy in our spot.

I looked at the puppy and said into his big eyes, "Ok Sargent Adorable, we are going to kick major wolfy and Rachy ass, know why? Because we have the element of awesomeness on our side. Those fools can't even imagine how hard and wearing it is to be as amazing as us right?" He blinked, "I knew you would understand."

I focused on peering out of the bush to make sure that we were still alone as I gave my second in command some more advice, "Ok so Rachel thinks that she is good at this, but she isn't I don't nerf her to death right away so that she will still play, I learned my lesson after Clue, she will excommunicate any games that she gets her ass kicked at, know why Sargent Adorable? She is what we call a very poor loser, and psycho. I promise I won't ever let her puppy sit you for longer than five hours."

I nodded at him so that he would know that when momma makes a promise she keeps it.

Unless she gets distracted, or forgets.

But other than that always with the keeping of promises.

For Real.

I saw Rachel come through the trees doing her very poor impression of 007, hiding behind the skinniest trees, humming secret Agent Secret Man loudly and off key, I love the girl but her espionage skills are for shit.

I looked down at the puppy and rolled my eyes nodding my head at her. I swear he rolled his eyes back and silently shook his head.

I let double 0 idiot keep going on her merry way, rolling on the ground with her gun out of sight before I focused back on the break in the trees.

Paul came next his nose in the air sniffing like he had super flu following the path that Tweedlecrazy took not even noticing us. I decided to let him go on knowing he would be the one to take out Rachel, because he wanted to tackle her afterwards I am sure.

My legs started to cramp so I stretched out like a sniper my gun pointed as I saw Quil come close, sniffing also. I'm going to have to tell the shifters no cheating next time. Weird that I never thought to put in a rule like that.

We have a unicorn clause already.

I shot Quil repeatedly and giggled silently as he looked around for his attacker. But sighed, slumped his shoulders and headed back to the home base. I watched and saw Embry and Jake come across each other both shooting at the same time, like a multi murder they bickered on the way back telling each other that they should have taken the bullet and not been such a pussy about it.

Dorks.

I readjusted my nerf gun waiting for my sexy man beast to come through as I heard Rachel in the distance scream and then a very high pitched one from Paul. Yep he definitely got kneed in the balls and then shot I am sure.

The sun had moved above us and the pup had fallen asleep his back legs kicking as he probably chased a guinea pigs in a meadow of bacon… or whatever dogs dream about. Is it weird that that is where my mind went?

"Where is my sexy man Sargent Adorable?" I whispered.

"Behind your sexy ass," I heard whispered.

Holy crap can my puppy talk?

"No, Idiot turn around our man is here," Cleo said.

Oh, not good that my clit is smarter than me.

I slowly turned so that I was on my back looking up, up, up at my beast a gave a saucy wave.

"Hey baby, I've been waiting for you."

"Mm is that right Kimmy?" ooh yeah we are going to have sexy rumbly conversation.

"Yeah handsome, I am always waiting … and ready for you."

"I can smell that sweetheart." Weirdly hot.

I smiled slowly at him, I don't know how he can find me sexy in my winter coat but whatever it only works in my favor, "That must get distracting for you."

I slowly parted my jean clad legs making a welcoming cradle for his body but he still stood a rumbling coming from his chest, his very sexilicious chest.

"Kim if I mount you right now the puppy is going to get an eyeful."

I bit my lip as Cleo twitched and raised my hips up and down a few times. Mounting sounded so _animalistic_.

He gave a deep growl and I moaned, getting close to orgasming just from the words and sounds he was making.

"God I want you so bad Jared. We should kick everyone out and go up to my room."

He fell on top of me and began grinding his erection into me. There really is something to be said for dry humping outside.

"We can give Tate to Paul for… how long will we need… like two weeks and just stay in the house naked. Touching, kissing fucking." I moaned as he adjusted his position and sucked behind my ear.

"Not long enough Kimmy."

Oh god. He started pounding into me faster somehow catching my clit each time and as I got closer and closer to that sensation explosion… I heard laughter and felt a nerf bullet hit my forhead.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

The whole group stood over our shoulders looking at us.

"We thought this is what you would be doing… except naked," Rachel laughed. I'm going to kill them, they couldn't fucking wait?

Like a couple weeks?

Or years?

Jared just slumped on top of me banging his head into the snow by my shoulder melting it.

"That's it everyone leave my house, Rachel need you and Paul to take Tate his bag is set up and I don't want to see any of you until New Years!" I screamed.

"That won't work wolf toy has patrol tonight, well actually in a half hour," Jake said.

"I can still take the fake baby though; we could get his ear pierced."

I wanted to cry. No joke, I wanted to just lay down and sob my heart my heart out.

EVERYONE IS FUCKING WITH MY ORGASMS!

**Hides behind bush with angry Kim, horny Jared and still sleeping puppy. Hey Everybody. Soo you may have possibly noticed that I have been gone a while, like a year or so. Yeah I suck. I moved to a new state, got a new job and am going back to school, plus no computer although those excuses sound pretty lame. I love you all though and the reason I keep writing is for all my loverly readers.**

**Although I got an anonymous message that was very rude. I could have been dead and wouldn't you feel guilty anonymous person.**

**Sorry about that guys I will be better hugs and kisses and please review.**

**I'm thinking it is about time for Kimmy to get some what do you think?**

**Xoxo Mel**

ere...


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